


Need Your Loving Tonight

by Mother_Mercury



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Breeding Kink, Deazzello, Developing Relationship, Fluff, If You Squint - Freeform, Insecurity, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Rimming, Slow Burn, Smut, mentions of male pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:33:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 75,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21800233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_Mercury/pseuds/Mother_Mercury
Summary: “Thanks for that, have a drink on me,” Joe tried to say with confidence.He gestured to the bartender to get the stranger a drink. Once the man had it, he tipped it Joe and mumbled a thanks under his breath. The stranger moved over so he was sitting next to Joe.“You look lonely and I would hate it if he took advantage of you. I’m John,” The bloke introduced himself to Joe.“Joe, pleasure to meet you,” Joe said sticking out his hand.ORJoe Mazzello is in London for an audition and when things don't go well he finds himself in a pub alone, drinking. He meets a very shy and attractive man. They end up back and Joe's hotel for a one night stand, which is apparently what they both need to get over the things going on in their respective lives. Joe returns home to move on with his career and is completely shocked when he get the role of Queen's bass player, John Deacon. Who  just happens to be the man he had a one night stand with.
Relationships: Ben Hardy/Gwilym Lee, Brian May/Roger Taylor, John Deacon & Joe Mazzello, John Deacon/Joe Mazzello
Comments: 151
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HI! So ever since KyluxFicHell started writing about Deazzello,I have fallen in love with the pairing. I've had this idea for a while and have been working on this. I'm sorta really really in love with it. I love and respect John Deacon and his privacy. ALSO, whenever I read any works about current John Deacon, I always picture mid 90's John Deacon. Literally out of respect cos the current pictures of him, in my opinion, are an invasion of his privacy. Anyways!! Please enjoy and feel free to fall in love with Deazzello. :)
> 
> ALSO, there's a lot of dialogue so just warning you.

**2016**

Joe walked into his hotel room, face planting on the bed. He let out a groan he’s pretty sure his family in New York could hear all the way from London. Another audition where he knew five minutes in he wasn’t getting the part. And he was to do it all again in two days. 

When his agent set up two different film auditions for him in London, it gave him a feeling he hasn’t felt since he Undrafted was released. The feeling of joy that comes with acting. That feeling started to diminish five minutes in when they said, “So refresh my mind, what are you known for?”. They clearly wanted a big household name and that isn’t Joe. So he gave his all, proving he’s more than the kid from Jurassic Park. 

He wants nothing more to just abandoned the second audition, change his flight, and go back home. He avoided all the calls from his agent, not wanting to be scolded like a child. So he turned on the TV and cracked open the mini bar. The failed audition, the work not coming in, and the whole boyfriend dumping him four months ago thing means he’s allowed to drown his sadness in liquor.

He played around on his phone, mentally debating if he should download Tinder, again. He’s really not in the mood to make a profile, swipe on some dudes, chat for a bit and meet up. That takes too long and might not even work out. He threw his phone on the bed and let out an even louder groan. Now he’s sad and horny. 

_Great._

He picked his phone back up and called Rami, they’re due for a chat and Joe really doesn’t want to be alone. The phone rang three times before he answered.

“Joe! Are we popping the champagne?” Rami asked. His voice always cheers him up. Even if he just reminded him that he didn’t get the role.

“Uh no, but I still have another one. I’m just a bit sad, almost downloaded Tinder,” Joe explained. “Decided not to embarrass myself. Please distract me?”

Rami talked about a new project he’s working on, he didn’t want to give too much details in case it fell through. Joe understood, he didn’t even like to tell people when he has auditions. He listened to Rami’s funny stories from filming Mr. Robot and what Sami has been up to. He tried not to get jealous at his friend, it made him feel pathetic. He’s 33 years old and jealous of his friend because he has more work coming in.

Anytime he confided in Rami about how he felt, he always responded with, “Joe, I’m not a method actor”. It made Joe feel a tad better, not much but enough.

“You’re in London, get dressed and hit a gay club or something. Stop moping,” Rami said laughing. “I’ll look some up on my laptop for you.”

“No clubs! What about a nice dive pub or something. Doesn’t have to be a gay one,” Joe rolled his eyes, not that his friend could see.

Rami laughed even harder, he listed off different pubs and their reviews. Joe saying no to all of them, either too young of a crowd or too big of a crowd.

“Okay what about this one. There’s two reviews, super small gay pub and something about it being an older crowd. You like the older men, Mazzello. How old was the ex? 57?” Rami tried his best to convince Joe. “It’s a five minute walk from your hotel.”

“oh shut up!” Joe said laughing in hysterics, he knew Rami could cheer him up. “Send me the address and maybe I’ll go.”

They talked for a bit more before Rami had to leave, or maybe he lied so Joe would go to the pub. Either way, it worked. Joe found himself showering, thoroughly cleaning every part of him. He put on what his ex used to call his “fuck me” shirt and a pair of tight jeans. He looked in the mirror and gave himself a thumbs up.

-  
He walked into the pub and immediately liked the atmosphere. It’s a small crowd, definitely an older crowd. Rami always knew what is best for him, he made a mental note to thank him later. He took a seat at the bar and ordered a whiskey. He needed something strong to give him the confidence to chat someone up.   
  
“£8, mate.” the bartender said.

Joe fished out money for his drink handing it to the man. Going back to his drink and scanning the crowd.

“Oi! Owen, you just charged the lad for a double but gave him a single. Don’t take advantage of him just cos he’s not from here.” The man a few seats away from him shouted at the bartender.

He looked over at the man and Joe could feel his cheeks flush. The man is very attractive, defiantly older than Joe by a few good years (probably a couple decades Joe thought), and had the softest accent Joe has ever heard. He tried his best to hide his embarrassment when he realized the man barely gave him a second glance.

Joe suddenly felt like some dumb kid from America and wanted the floor to swallow him whole, right here and right now. The bar tender gave him his change and shot Joe a terribly fake apologetic look. Joe could see the man is also drinking some dark liquor and decided to make a move.

“Thanks for that, have a drink on me,” Joe tried to say with confidence.

He gestured to the bartender to get the stranger a drink. Once the man had it, he tipped it Joe and mumbled a thanks under his breath. The stranger moved over so he was sitting next to Joe.

“You look lonely and I would hate it if he took advantage of you. I’m John,” The bloke introduced himself to Joe.

“Joe, pleasure to meet you,” Joe said sticking out his hand.

John has hands that are calloused but also feel soft. He noticed a gap in John’s teeth that made his heart beat out of his chest. He has gray hair that is definitely thinning but the man looks good. Joe found himself taking in every detail of John in an almost creepy way. The main reason might be that he’s too afraid to open his mouth in case he says something stupid.

“So you’re not from here, I’m guessing.” John asked with a chuckle. And damn Joe wants to hear his belly laugh, he bet its just as cute.

Joe told him about how he’s here from New York on a few auditions. He doesn’t go into grave detail, for privacy reasons and just because no one wants to here about a 33 year old bitch about his life. John listens to him, giving advice here and there. John tells him he retired a while ago and informs Joe that he retired young. He doesn’t go into as much detail as Joe did, but he didn’t mind.

Joe worries that John may think he’s using him to bitch. He decides to play up the flirting, laughing a little sultry at every small joke John tells him, and playfully touching his arm a painful amount of times. Joe cannot tell if it’s working or if he is making a fool of himself. John is not giving off any signs of flirting but he’s also not pulling away from Joe. He isn’t sure what to do besides crash his lips against the older mans. 

At this point Joe is leaned in very close to John. He can smell cigarettes and cologne and it went straight to his cock.

“It’s getting late and I’m a bit tipsy. Would you mind walking me back to my hotel? I really don’t feel like getting lost in the streets of London, all by myself.” Joe asked, giving him a small smirk. 

He’s hoping the man either picks up the signal or turns him down so Joe won’t scream out of frustration.

“A sweet lad like you would get eaten up out there, of course.” John said, his voice going a bit lower.

Joe stood up with John and the old man helped him put his coat on. Joe is thankful because John calling him a ‘sweet lad’ put Joe on wobbly legs. Joe told John the name of his hotel and he let John lead the way. He knew his way home, it was pretty much a straight shot, but he’ll play up the helpless American role if it ended with John in his bed. 

The walk to the hotel was short and Joe found himself brushing his arm against John’s, looking at him through his eyelashes, and pressing himself against John’s body. Once they hit his hotel room door, John looks a bit unsure of what Joe wants. He took it in his own hands, not wanting to play this game anymore.

“You know I’ve been flirting with you all night, right?” Joe asked opening the door  
He turned to face John whose eyes were wide and pupils blown.

“I uh-”

“You can go home if you want, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just can’t read you for the life of me. And I’ve been semi hard since you sat next to me.” Joe explained, trying to hide his embarrassment.

Joe is 100% sure if John rejects him he will jump into The River Thames. He held the door open, waiting for John to make up his mind. It took about five seconds before John followed him inside the hotel room.

Once Joe closed the door, John pushed him up against the door and hand a tight grip on Joe’s hips. The sudden change in the mood had Joe going from semi hard to rock hard in seconds. And he could feel John’s erection growing against him. Joe let out a soft moan.

“I thought you were flirting but I doubted that such a beauty like you would flirt with me.” John said. “Trust me I would have flirted back if I knew you were.”

John kissed his way up Joe’s neck, along his jaw and finally kissing Joe’s lips. Joe wrapped his arms around John’s neck, pulling him as close as he could get him. Joe loves giving up dominance when it comes to kissing, he opened his mouth to let John shove his tongue inside. Joe let out a moan into John’s mouth as heir tongues swirled together. 

Joe let his hands run up and down John’s body, it didn’t last long. John grabbed his hands and placed them back on his shoulders. Joe didn’t care what John did as long as he didn’t stop kissing him. Joe tried to grind against John, looking for any relief he could find.

“John, please. Need you.” Joe said, breaking apart the kiss. 

“What do you want?” John asked kissing his neck. 

Joe let out a loud moan when John started to suck on his neck. “FUCK. Need you to fuck me. And no visible marks, have an audition soon.” Joe said with a mixture of a moan and a laugh.

John whispered sorry into his neck, followed by a string of groans and curses as he rolled his hips against Joe’s.

“You sure you want me to fuck you?” John asked, sounding nervous.

Joe grabbed John’s hand and let it to his own erection. “You feel this?” Joe said as John palmed his erection. “I need you to take care of this. Please, John.”

Joe led the older man to the bed, pushing him down on it. He walked over to his luggage to rummage for the condoms and lube he packed. It was wishful thinking. He stripped down to his boxers before returning to John on the bed, who was fully dressed. 

“You wanna do thing fully clothed? Go ahead, but I’d liked to see you naked John.” Joe said tossing the condom and lube on the bed.

He leaned down to kiss John, letting his hands trail down to the hem on John’s shirt. He went to take it off for the older man, who seemed to need guidance. John grabbed his wrist stopping him and mumbling something like ‘I’ll do it’. John stood up and turned on the lamp on the desk that is across the room and shut the ceiling light off. It is by no means bright but at least it’s not pitch black. 

“You’re quiet.” Joe said as John made his way back to the bed. 

“I haven’t went home with anyone from the pub with a while. Just a bit nervous.” John explained, taking his shirt and trousers off.

“You haven’t had a one night stand in a while?” Joe said with a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, me either.”

He pulled John the bed with him, going back to their steamy make out session. Their cocks brushing against each others with only the thin layer of briefs had both of them moaning. 

John pushed Joe to lay on his back and Joe couldn’t help but squirm at John taking initiative. He is never one to like being the dominant one in the bedroom. John started to lick one of his nipples while playing with the other, Joe arching his back in pleasure. John alternated nipples, letting out moans around them. He trailed down his chest sucking bruises on hips and Joe was glad it wasn’t his neck. John pulled down Joe’s briefs to let his cock spring free, giving it a few strokes before he started to bob and down the thick erection.

John worked his way up and down slow, almost like it was the first blowjob he’s given ever. Joe was wondering how long it’s been as the man worked to find a steady rhythm. He could feel the man gaining confidence and Joe wants to help. John was doing a fucking fantastic job and Joe was already moaning obscenely. He decided just to play it up a little more.

“GOD. Please, John. Please faster please.” Joe begged. John did just what the younger man begged.

Joe’s embarrassed that he’s not gonna last. He threw his head back in the pillowed, running a hand through John’s hair, pulling softly. He was so overwhelmed with pleasure he didn’t notice John lubing up his hand and teasing his rim. Joe lifted his legs up and out to give John better access. John popped off his cock, giving Joe’s entrance all his attention. 

“Such a lovely arse Joe, so tight.” John said pumping his finger in and out a few times before adding a second.

“Go faster, please. FUCK.” Joe begged as John hit his prostate over and over.

John licked at Joe’s rim, slurping and sucking. Making obscene sounds that were driving Joe wild. He felt John add a third finger and repeatedly punched his prostate. It was a bit sloppy but Joe loved it. 

“Can’t wait to be inside you.” John said kissing Joe’s thigh, reaching up to stroke Joe’s cock.

Before Joe could stop or warn him, he was coming over all John’s hand and his own chest. The embarrassment didn’t take over until he came down from his orgasm. He felt like a 15 year old being fingered for the first time. He leaned up on his elbows to make eye contact with John who was now sitting on his calves, his erection making a tent in his briefs.

“ _Sorry. shit,_ ” Joe said hanging his head in shame. “That hasn’t happened since high school.”

“It’s alright lovely, I’ll take it as a compliment.” John said with a soft smile.

Joe sat on the bed in front of him, palming John’s erection. He pulled John down to kiss him. “If you give me like two minutes, you can still fuck me.”  
  
“No it’s alright. I can just head out.” John said sadly while moving away from Joe. “Such a sweet lad, you must be tired.”

Joe could feel himself getting hard again at how kind this man is towards him. Joe knew John must be aching for a release and Joe never liked leaving a man with a hard on. He reached over and slipped his hand in John’s briefs, giving him a few harsh strokes. Letting his hand run up and down the long thick length.  
  
“Fuck me.” Joe growled out.

Joe could feel the mood shift in the room. Even as hot and steamy as the mood is, John still seemed nervous. John went from talking dirty and eating him out to looking like a little kid asking for candy before dinner.

“Is on your hands and knees okay?” John asked.

Joe nodded and scrambled to get into the position, sticking his ass out for John. He could feeling John getting off the bed to remove his briefs, hear the condom wrapper being torn open, and then settling behind him. A lubed finger teased around his rim before pressing back in. The finger slid in no problem and John added a second one.

John let out a moan as he fingered Joe, letting his free hand run up and down his back. 

“I’m opened enough, don’t know if you remember fingering and eating me out moments earlier. FUCK.” Joe moaned as John hit his prostate.

“You’re very impatient.” John said pulling his fingers out.

Joe whined at the loss of contact.

“Trying to not come from your fingers again, not really looking forward to being embarrassed twice in one night- _OH_.” Joe started but was interrupted by John nudging his cock at his entrance.

It took a couple tries for John so push past his rim. He muttered apology after apology while gripping Joe’s waist harder. He slowly pushed in, stopping even few seconds until he is fully seated. Joe squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the sheets as he got used to the stretch. He is teetering on the line of pleasure and pain, just waiting for it to cross over to just pleasure.

John ran a soothing hand along Joe’s backside. “Are you okay?” John asked slightly out of breath.

“Yes, fucking Christ. God, I feel so fucking full.” Joe moaned, arching his back, trying to push back to John. “Please move, please.”

“You have such a filthy mouth.” John said with a chuckle. “Please let me know it anything hurts or doesn’t feel good.” 

Joe shook his head and John pulled out half way before pushing back in. He did that a few times before pulling out all the way and near slamming back in. It took a few thrusts before John found his prostate. It took some angling of Joe’s hips, but he found it.

The only noises in the room were from the sound of skin slapping skin and the string of moans and curses coming from both men. John did not hold back when Joe begged him to go harder and faster. 

Joe wrapped a hand around his own cock when he felt John’s thrusts starting to become sloppy. It took a few strokes on his own cock and Joe spilled onto the sheet, collapsing onto his chest. His ass still in the air as John fucked into him, a minute later John spilled into the condom. He laid over Joe’s back, catching his breath for a second before slowly pulling out and discarding the condom. 

Joe rolled over on his back trying to gain control of his breathing. He could hear John shuffling around the room and the sound the bathroom sink running. John returned a few moments later fully dressed, holding out a wash cloth for Joe. He half ass cleaned himself up before throwing it near the bathroom. Joe sat up on the bed to see John looking for something, probably his shoes. Joe can’t even remember when either of them removed their shoes now that he thinks about it.

“I don’t know where my socks went, but if you find them just toss them,” John explained looking for his other shoe.

“You’re leaving?” Joe asked with a broken voice.

He hates how needy and clingy he gets after sex. He ex boyfriend would tell him to relax cos he was being annoying. And now he’s here, clinging to a one night stand looking pathetic. 

“I’m old and may not have had a one night stand in a few good years but I know how they work. I’ll be out in a moment,” John in a flat voice. 

Joe jumped out of bed and pulled his briefs on. Not wanting to have a this conversation with his soft dick hanging out. He’s not trying to add insult to injury. He stood in front of John, trying to sound and look like a man and not some desperate child.

“Can you stay? I mean if you’d like to stay, I wouldn’t be opposed,” Joe asked. “I just don’t like to be alone after sex, I know it’s pathetic. I’m 33 and need someone to cuddle up to me after sex like some 17 year old who lost his virginity. And you look like you give a good cuddle and I’m just gonna stop talking talking.”

Joe was waiting for John to start laughing at him and throwing a hurl of insults at him. John’s face went from no emotion at all to a shy smile sweeping across his face. Joe could feel his whole body relaxing as he watched John remove his trousers and lead Joe to the bed. John got himself comfy under the covers and Joe laid himself across the older mans chest.

He traced patterns across John’s shirt, he was a bit pissed John didn’t take his shirt off. He wished he could run his hand through his chest hair and feel the warmth of his skin. But this will have to do. The only sound in the room was their steady breathing. Joe felt taken care of for the first time in months, even towards the end of his last relationship his ex didn’t care for him like this.

Joe knew it was ridiculous to think anything more than his one night stand staying over so Joe wouldn’t cry in the middle of the hotel room. John didn’t talk much the whole night and Joe found some peace in that. Even if it drove him slightly crazy having to take the lead tonight, it was still one of the best nights he had in a long time. It didn’t change the fact he didn’t get the role or that he has to suffer through another audition the day after tomorrow. 

“John?” 

“Mhm?” John mumbled half asleep.

“Thank you.” Joe said softly. 

He wasn’t sure if he meant for the sex or for staying or for making him feel better after the shit few months he endured (not that John would know).

“ _Thank you._ ” John said back, pulling him tighter to his chest and kissing the top of his sweaty head. There was something sincere in John’s voice that made his heart hurt just a tad.

-

Joe woke up to the sound of someone shuffling around his hotel room. Panic swept through his body as he shot up. It only faltered when he felt the sting in his ass and the man with gray hair staring back at him. Joe knew John was attractive last night, he thought maybe the liquor made him better looking though. But he was wrong. John is just as beautiful as Joe thought. He felt like a creep for staring but he couldn’t help it.

“Didn’t mean to wake you.” John said quietly. “I have to be somewhere today.”

Joe knows this is how it works. He knows this man lives in London and he lives in New York, so even if John felt something towards him it wouldn’t work. This means nothing and Joe is trying to remind himself of that. He knows this man is going to walk out the door and that is it. And he’s okay with that.

“So I have an audition tomorrow in the late afternoon. If I get it I was gonna hit up that pub again to celebrate and if I don’t get it I was gonna drink my sorrows away,” Joe blurted out. “I’ll probably be there around 8.”

Maybe he’s not okay with it.

“Sounds like you’ll have a lovely time either way,” John said looking at Joe then the door.

Joe is fully convinced this man has never had any human interaction before. There’s no way he can be this clueless to Joe’s flirting, unless he’s avoiding it on purpose. He’s got nothing to lose at this point.

“Sooo if I run into you there, would you like to help me celebrate or drown my sorrows?” Joe said slowly, making sure this man understood where he was going with this. “Cos I quite enjoy your company.”

Joe waited patiently for the man to respond. 

“Sure that uh. Sounds good. I’ll probably be there. I’ll definitely be there,” John babbled.

John gave Joe no time to respond, he waved goodbye and bolted out the door.

Joe slammed his face into the pillow, sightly embarrassed from how needy he’s been in the last 12 hours. He tries to convince himself this is what he needs. A good couple fucks to get him over the ex. Joe knows that his clingy heart won’t allow him to just feel that way and he’ll end up developing feelings and having to head back to New York. Leaving John behind. He hates that this is how his heart and brain work. His damn heart is making him believe that this is some Nicholas Sparks novel and they’ll fall in love while God Only Knows plays in the background.

He tried his hardest to focus on getting through his audition, having some drinks and a good fuck. And finally getting on a God damn plane home back to New York.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe meets up with John one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so grateful for all the positive feedback about this! It means so much to me! I'm trying to upload once a week at least, but it's hard with work and Uni. This chapter is shorter than what I would like but I didn't want to mix it with the next chapter. So sorry about that!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :)

The audition didn’t go well.

Joe gave his all during the audition and he thought he impressed them. That was until he finished and they gave him the crap ass line: _We’ll call you in a few weeks with an answer._

Joe contacted his agent, Mark, updating him on both auditions. Joe couldn’t help but feel like a failure. Mark always reassured him that he is incredibly talented and something bigger and better will come around. Joe lets that go in one ear and out the other. It’s not that he didn’t believe him, it’s just he is sick and tired of getting his hopes up. Mark started talking about a movie that Joe is perfect for. He gave him a few very bland details, not revealing much about it.   
  
“Your friend Rami Malek is part of it. I’ll go into more detail when you get back. But Joe they’re gonna love you and I promise this will change things for you. I promise,” Mark explained in a cheerful voice that annoyed Joe. 

“Alright but just know I’m like four more broken promises away from finding a new agent,” Joe joked.

Once he got off the phone, he lounged around his hotel room for a bit before jumping in the shower. He had an hour before he has to head out to the pub. A part of him doesn’t want to go. He’s terribly nervous John won’t be there. He mentally decided that if John isn’t there by 8:30 he’ll have a few pints and slip out before he can embarrass himself anymore. Another HUGE part of him really really wants to go. He keeps telling himself he just needs to get laid and this is what it’s all about. Not that he developed a crush on his one night stand (possibly two night stand). Cos that would be crazy and not to mention pathetic.

Joe walked down to the pub, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach. He sat down on the stool and order himself a pint. He nervously checked his phone, it’s only five past 8. Joe has no reason to think John’s not showing up. He kept discretely scanning the room, trying to find the man with gray hair and the crinkles by his eyes and the gap in his teeth and the-

Joe locked eyes with John the second the older man walked through the doors. He gave John a small nod and the older man quickly walked over to him, taking the seat next to him.

“So are we celebrating or drowning our sorrows?” John playfully asked him.

The life from Joe’s face drained. He is so excited for tonight that he forgot about the failed audition. He suddenly felt very small and embarrassed. He’s not mad at John, he didn’t know that asking him that simple question would result in Joe having to hold back tears. He sat up straight and finished the rest of his pint. 

“Do you wanna get out of here,” Joe asked quickly.

“I’m sorry if I upset you. I didn’t mean to Joe-” John said in a quiet voice looking straight ahead.

Joe wants to shake the insecurity and vulnerability out of this man.

“Do you want to get out of here and go back to my hotel room so you can fuck me?” Joe said with a laugh, putting a comforting hand on John’s shoulder.

John nodded and the two of them nearly sprinted to Joe’s hotel room. 

He not sure what changed in John’s life from the last fuck but apparently he needed this too. The sound of skin slapping skin while both men moaned obscenely was enough to bring Joe close to finishing. He could tell John was too from his thrust becoming sloppy and his breathing picking up as the older man fucked him from behind.

“M’ coming,” John shouting.

John stay seated inside of Joe while he recovered. A few moments later John wanked him off until he was coming on his hand and sheets. John pulled out slowly, pressing a kiss to the small of his back.

“Wait here lovely, I’m gonna clean you up,” John said softly patting Joe’s arse.

Joe waited on all fours as he listened to John shuffling around the room. He returned fully clothed and with a damp cloth. He cleaning between Joe’s cheeks, his dick, and the best he could do with the mess on the bed. John helped him off the bed and Joe grabbed his briefs first before rummaging through his luggage to find some lounge clothes.

Joe didn’t know if they silence was comfortable or the opposite. On one hand, it’s nice that they weren’t talking. There is an understanding agreement that this is just a one night stand. On the other hand, Joe craved conversation with this sweet and quiet man. He watched as John cleaned up their mess and started to look for his shoes.

“Thank you Joe, that was rather fun. I appreciate-” John spoke softly. His second sentence since they came back from the bar.

“Do you want to stay for a bit? I’m starving and I was gonna order food,” Joe blurted out.

“We don’t have to do this Joe, this whole pretend we care thing. I maybe old but I know this is just about sex. So I’m gonna go home and you’re gonna go back to the states. It’s fine, don’t humor me just cos I’m old.” Joe said, his tone sounding very flat.

“I’ve had a few crappy months and an even crappier few days. I just want a break and I got that with you. You made me forget about all that bullshit so let me buy you room service to say thank you,” Joe explained, he’s terribly aware of how pathetic he’s coming across but he’s too damn much of an emotional person to care.

He was almost ready to actually smack himself, when he saw something flash across John’s face that made him smile.

Joe ordered room service and they sat on the while maxing out. They couldn’t decided so they order a little bit of everything. It started off a bit awkward and Joe was worried that he made the older man feel uncomfortable. 

“You didn’t have to apologize earlier when you asked me about the audition. I shouldn’t have been so over dramatic. It didn’t go well and I need to learn how to handle rejection better,” Joe said squeezing John’s knee. 

“You’ll get the next one,” John answered.

“Not so sure about that.”

Joe talked about his previous auditions and how it is one rejection after the next. He explained how he’s tired of getting his hopes up. He didn’t now how much of this he’s been holding in, but it felt amazing. John’s reassuring smiles and positive comments made his heart race. He still feels a bit childish, blushing as this man builds up Joe with the confidence he desperately needs.  
  
“I got a call from my agent about a new film, I’ll hear more about it when I get back to the states. I honestly may not even follow up with it, my friend is on the film and if I don’t get it, it’s gonna be hard for me to be happy for him,” Joe explained rubbing his eyes. “Sorry to be rambling on, how was your day?”

John took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders.

“Dealing with some friends about a project I told them I didn’t want to be involved in. I retired years ago, but no they don’t listen. And then I’m the bad guy when I blow up after they continue to pester me,” John explained sounding exhausted. “So I’ve been dodging their calls, then these bloody wankers got my own children to start calling me about it. I mean I can’t win.”

Joe was listening as John spoke, he choked on his drink when John mentioned children. Cos children meant there is another parent to these kids. And that could mean John is married or at least involved. Joseph Mazzello is a lot of things, but a homewrecker is not one. 

“Are you married?” Joe shot at him.

“Oh no! My wife and I divorced way back in ‘94. I’m not cheating on anyone if that is what you were wondering,” John reassured him. “I can promise you I am very much single.”

Joe gave him an apologetic smile. Gesturing for John to continue on with his story before he stopped him. 

John explained to Joe that he retired at the age of 46 back in ‘97. Joe quickly did the math as John complained about his friends some more; John’s 65. And well he does show signs of being in his 60’s, the man is still arguably one of the most attractive men he’s met. Maybe Joe is bias cos he always preferred his men a bit older. Or bias cos John has shown him more affection in the last 24 hours than he’s received in a long time. Even if you got rid of both of those things, Joe would still think the man sitting across from his is absolutely stunning. 

Joe realized he’s been zoning out and not listening to the man. John who listened to him complain about his flight over here for a good 25 minutes.

“I’m sorry, what did you say the project was?” Joe asked kindly, trying to pretend he was listening and not day dreaming about the older mans smile.

“Nothing they need me for. I haven’t been much help in the last few years, so I don’t understand why they need me now,” John chuckled. 

Joe didn’t quite understand what was funny but he gave a quick laugh. They kept talking, inching closer together with each conversation. Joe couldn’t help but rest his head on John’s shoulder when the older man pressed himself next to him. Joe wasn’t even sure on how they got on some of the topics they were talking about. But he took in every word of their conversation knowing damn well tomorrow at 8 in the morning will probably be the last time he’ll see this man.

That isn’t all he wants to take in. He needs one last good fuck before he heads home. And he knows damn well John is not about initiate anything sexual. Joe placed his hand on the top of John’s thigh, running it up and down lightly. He could feel John tense up and when the older man didn’t stop him, he trailed up to his dick. Applying more pressure against John’s growing erection. 

John let out a small moan and Joe’s dick twitched in his trousers. He teased John for a minute longer before he got up to grab the lube and a condom, tossing it on the bedside table. He undressed himself until he was naked and straddling John’s lap. He reached to take off John’s shirt but the older man stopped him and Joe let out a frustrated groan.

“Can we uh- turn off the light first?” John asked sounding concerned.

Joe pressed a kiss to his neck, sucking lightly as he shook his no.  
“Wanna see you,” Joe moan, pulling back to take John’s shirt off.

His first reaction was to run his hands all up and down the mans exposed chest before pressing light kisses to John’s nipples. Joe was grinding down on John’s lap, loving the feeling on John’s clothed erection pressed against him. John seemed just as nervous he was the first time they fucked. Nothing like he was hours earlier when he was relentlessly pounding Joe from behind. 

John’s a strange man, Joe thought.

John eventually started to stroke Joe’s cock, spreading his precum up and down his length. Joe couldn’t help but thrust into the mans hands. They kept up with the kissing and heavy petting before Joe realized he needed more. He pulled himself back far enough so he could yank down John’s trousers and followed with pulling his briefs down. This was the first time he saw John’s naked body and he was not disappointed. For 65 he has a fantastic body, by no means is he as fit as guys his own age. There was no six pack but instead a soft stomach and a chest covered in light gray chest hair. A thick cock pressed up against his stomach, Joe couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight of it. His thighs were were strong and Joe couldn't wait to get his head between them.

Joe wasn’t sure how long he was staring, but it seemed to make John shift uncomfortably.

“Told you to turn the light off,” John said in a whisper. “I’m 65 Joe, not as fit as I used to be.”

John wrapped his arms around his middle and Joe shook his head pulling his arms away. Peppering kisses to from his neck down to his cock. He licked a stripe up his cock before he went straight to sucking the older man down his throat. He hollowed his cheeks and tried to focus on breathing through his nose as John’s cock hit the back of his throat. John’s cock is above average in length and thickness, but Joe is always up for challenge.

“Fuck. So good Joe,” John moan, pulling Joe’s hair.

Joe sucked for a few more minutes before his own cock felt like it was going to exploded. He popped off the older mans cock and stared up at John while he kept stroking it. John’s pupils were blown and his breathing was heavy.

“Jesus, your mouth is perfect. I won’t last if you keep going with at it like that. Alright, hands and knees-” John said moaning as Joe ran his finger across the tip of his cock.

“No. I wanna be on my back,” Joe interrupted him.

Joe didn’t understand why the older man insisted on Joe being on his hands and knees. Joe figured it had something to do with it being a dirty and less intimate position. He realized it must have had something to do with John not wanting him to see him. And Joe was having none of that. He thinks John is incredibly sexy and would love to watch John as he pounds into him.

“You’re sure?” John asked hesitantly.

Joe gave him a nod and pulled him in for a quick kiss, hoping the older man wouldn’t mind the taste of himself. “You’re so sexy, wanna watch you fuck me.”

Joe hitched his legs over John’s shoulders as the man opened him up. John worked his fingers in an out of John while maintaining eye contact with him the entire time. And now Joe was starting to regret this position, it’s terribly intimate and a sad reminder this is the last time he’ll see this man. The man with green eyes and the softest smile. 

Joe’s thought process was derailed when John was three fingers deep, nudging his prostate. 

“Fuck! John, please. Please fuck me,” Joe moan, grinding down on John’s fingers.

“Such a sweet little tight arse Joe,” John growled before removing his fingers.

Joe watched him roll the condom on and lube himself up. John pushed in slowly, nearly painfully slow. John had one hand on Joe’s hip and the other was next to Joe’s head. Joe was nearly bent in half but it’s worth it to maintain the intense eye contact. 

“Please faster. Or harder. Something John. I need it,” Joe begged.

John let out a deep growl before he started pounding into Joe. He was almost bouncing on the mattress. John filling him up in all the right places, hitting his prostate hard. Joe let out embarrassingly high pitched moans that John seemed to love.

“So close. Touch yourself. Come on my cock Joe,” John said in a low voice.

Joe stroked his own cock, feeling his orgasm nearing. He stroked faster and came all over his chest. He shouted a string of curses and John’s name. It was one of those orgasms that cause you to see white and black out for a few seconds. When he came to, John was breathing heavily into his neck and his thrust had stopped. So he imagined John came quickly after him. 

Joe was half asleep as John climbed out of the bed. He followed the same routine of cleaning himself up, putting his briefs and a shirt back on, and then taking care of Joe. John threw a pair of briefs at Joe. Joe was waiting for John to try to make his exit. He was not expecting John to freely climb into bed and cuddle up behind him. Joe tried to stop himself from getting emotional, he wasn’t about to cry over a one night stand.

“I had a really lovely time these past few days,” John said breaking the silence. “Thank you for that.”

“I should be thanking you, you did most of the work,” Joe said with a small laugh.

A few minutes went by and Joe was sure John fell asleep but was surprised to hear the older man speak again.

“You’re not gonna go home and regret sleeping with an old man, right?” John asked quietly. “I don’t want you to be embarrassed or feel disgusted.”

Joe squeezed the older mans arm and tried to think of what he could say that wouldn’t come across as needy and pathetic but also something that wouldn’t make the man think he regrets sleeping with him. Joe struggled to find the right words.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer,” John responded.

Joe decided it was best just to not respond and leave it at that. Joe wanted to tell him a lot of things, but none of it seemed appropriate for a one night stand. He instead focused on remembering how John smells and falling asleep.

-

Joe woke up the next morning to his alarm going off and an empty bed. He tried to not be disappointed as he gather himself together. He decided it’s best to leave any and all memory of John inside this hotel room. 

Returning home to New York put Joe in a much better mood. His family interrogated him about the auditions and he told them very straight forward they did not go well. His mom usually has to comfort him after a failed audition, Joe has always been a bit more emotional than his siblings. When Joe didn’t seem visibly upset his mother started to question him about it all.

“I don’t know mom, maybe I’m used to it by now. Mark might have something lined up, Rami’s on it so that might be cool. If it works out,” Joe explained to his worried mother.  
  
“My sweet little Joseph. You did some maturing over in London,” His mother joked.

“Or maybe someone screw him into maturity,” Mary said breaking out in later. She only stopped when her mother hit her playfully. “I’m joking!”

Joe hoped his face wasn’t too red, he isn’t one to talk about the people he sleeps with. Also, he left the memory of that one night stand over in London. Along with his fail auditions.

“London was really good to me. I think it kicked off the start of something big for me,” Joe said with a relaxed smile. “I don’t know what exactly but I can feel it. Things are changing.”

His mother and sister gave him a comforting smile.

Joe can’t quite explain the feeling he has. It’s this strong gut feeling that things will look up. That if he did get the role from one of the auditions he wouldn’t have this opportunity to work with Rami. And the way Rami speaks about the film, Joe knows it’s gonna be huge. So Joe has to keep moving forward with the idea that everything happens for a reason. Or he’ll drive himself crazy. 

And maybe it’s not just a gut feeling. He knows it’s partly due to that one night stand and the large release of dopamine and endorphins. But he’s not about to tell anyone about that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe's nervous for a few reasons .

**5 Weeks Later**

Joe was out to lunch with Rami before his meeting with his agent. It’s been a while since they have been able to properly catch up so Joe’s ecstatic they finally have the time. Joe can tell Rami is trying hard not to talk too much about his project. He’s trying not give it away or brag about it in front of Joe. Maybe he’s not trying to make Joe anymore nervous than it already is.

And Joe is already plenty nervous.

“Did you go out drinking last night? I don’t want to come across as a dick but you look like shit,” Rami asked. “You knew you had his meeting and of course you went out and got tanked.”

Joe knew Rami was only being partly serious. He still threw a french fry at him.

“I didn’t go out last night you ass. I’ve been a nervous wreck and I order from a new Sushi place that made me sick a few days ago.” Joe explained.  
  
“I was gonna ask if you were pregnant,” Rami laughed. He stopped when Joe shot him a look of annoyance. “I swear if you called up that shitty ex to sleep with him again, I will beat the shit of you. Right here Mazzello.”

Joe’s fully aware of what every thought about his ex, Greg. They said he was too old for Joe and hated the way he treated Joe. His siblings stopped talking to him when he refused to break up with him. Rami broke the news that his ex cheated on him. When Joe confronted Greg about this, he denied everything and said Rami was trying to break them up. Greg said it was him or Rami, and like an idiot Joe picked his ex. It wasn’t until Greg used Joe’s debit to book a hotel and used it to cheat on Joe, that he finally broke up with him.

Joe tossed all of Greg's belongings onto the New York sidewalk outside his apartment and burned the burnable things in the alley. Once he got rid of Greg and everything that reminded him of the ex, he found himself drunk on his couch for a couple days. Crying over how he destroyed the important relationships in his life over some asshole. He had to fix the relationship with his siblings, his younger brother John refused to speak to him until recently. 

He thought he would have to work hard to get Rami’s forgiveness. He thought he would have to beg, cry, and offer him money to take him back as a friend. Joe showed up at Rami’s rented apartment a week after the break up with tears in his eyes. Rami didn’t ask what happened. He didn’t ask for an explanation. He didn’t even ask for an apology. Joe hugged him for what felt like hours and cried. And that’s how he got one of his best friends back.

So he understands why Rami is nervous he called his ex.

“Oh hell on earth no, I didn’t call him. Let alone sleep with him,” Joe explained. “And to get pregnant you have to have sex and I haven’t slept anyone since Greg. So there’s no way I could be-”

Joe stopped himself from speaking when he realized he was wrong. He was really fucking wrong. He had slept with someone after Greg. He saw that guy use a condom each time. There’s no way he could be pregnant. 

“You okay?” Rami carefully asked.

“I uh- I need a take a test. I don’t think I am,” Joe said quickly as he checked the time. “Shit I have that meeting and I have to leave now. _FUCK._ ”

Joe frantically stood up and pulled money from his wallet for his part of the bill. 

“Joe calm down, let’s go get a test and then head over. We have enough time. Everything is gonna be okay,” Rami said calmly as he stood up to help Joe.

They had enough time to run to a drug store to pick up a test and head over to where his meeting is taking place. He couldn’t hear anything besides his heart pounding out of his chest. He’s doubting if that guy even used a condom, he can’t seem to remember now. He’s not sure what he’s going to do if he is pregnant. Joe always wanted a family but not this way. Not by getting knocked up from a one night stand who lives on another continent. Joe hadn’t thought about it since his first night home in the states. Joe remembers his eyes and the gap in his teeth but he can’t remember his name. He tried to remember the name that he moaned, but his mind seemed to be drawing a huge blank. 

Of fucking course, cos life hasn’t knocked him down enough these past few months. Once they made it to the building, Joe and Rami went to the bathroom together and Joe went into the stall to take the test. His hands were so shaky he couldn’t keep anything still and he seemed to be holding in his own breath. Joe’s just glad Rami has kept his cool and hasn’t asked any questions yet. He knew they were coming, but he’s just glad not yet.

He peed on two sticks and set them on the counter. A little gross but he could careless about it. 

“Do you wanna talk about any of this,” Rami asked quietly.

“Talk about what? That I might be pregnant by some guy I had a one night stand with in London? That when I ask the universe the rhetorical question, can my life get any worse? It seems to take it as a challenge,” Joe said holding back tears. “I’m gonna head up to the meeting, I can’t sit here and wait. Please text me if it’s positive or negative.”

He left the bathroom before Rami could answer.

He finally was with his agent but Joe couldn’t focus on anything other then the two sticks in the bathroom downstairs. Mark went on about the new project, letting Joe see the contract and the schedule for filming. He told Joe that he can do the accent he has the part. What accent? Joe thought to himself. Damn it, he should really start pay attention.

“Joe are you listening to me, cos you don’t seem excited,” Mark said shaking his shoulders. “They are making a biopic about the band Queen, with a strong focus on Freddie Mercury’s story. They want you to play John Deacon. This is fucking huge.”

“I’m sorry, John Deacon? Whose that?” Joe bluntly asked. Suddenly forgetting about the two tests down there. 

Mark went on to talk about John Deacon who is Queen’s bass player, well former bass player. Joe knows Queen, everyone knows Queen. He just didn’t know the other members besides Freddie Mercury and the one with the curly hair. He feels like a fraud. Rami is playing Freddie while the other two members are currently being cast. Mark explained how John Deacon retired from Queen in ‘97 and isn’t involved in much of Queen these days, if at all. Joe knows what he means by telling him this. It’s Mark way of saying John Deacon will not be involved with the movie.

“So if you wanna just get a video of you doing the accent to me as soon as you can, that’ll be awesome. They’ve seen some of your recent stuff and they want you. Not to mention they can’t get over how much you look like him. And I agree. What did I tell you? Pretty fucking great, huh?” Mark said smiling. “We’ll talk more soon.

Mark left in hurry, he mentioned being late for something else. Which was a slight jab at Joe since he was late to the meeting. He was left alone with the contract and schedule, he pulled out his phone to start his research on this John Deacon guy when he had an unread message from Rami. He was hesitant to open it, remembering that there’s an answer to those pregnancy tests in it. Not trying to delay it any longer, he clicked on the message.

**Rami Malek: Both negative. Threw them in the trash cos I had to leave and didn’t like the idea of carrying them around with me. But you better call me and tell me who you slept you with Mazzello. Love you dude, even if you’re a bit crazy.**

Joe let out a breath he feels like he’s been holding since lunch. 

He’s not pregnant and he basically already has this part in the bag. He felt like he’s flying. Everyone knows Queen. This movie is going to be fucking huge. Like career changing huge. He texted Rami back, thanking him for being there for him and letting him know how the meeting went. He hit send and shoved his phone in his back pocket and decided to buy a nice bottle of of wine before heading home to start his research and prepare this accent he has to learn. 

He had himself settled on the couch with a glass of wine and his laptop ready to start his research. He’s wasn’t sure what to do first, but he knew he needed some background noise. He opened up YouTube and put on the first Queen song he could think of, Bohemian Rhapsody. He opened up another tab and Google searched John Deacon, he thinks that has to be the easiest way to start. He clicked his Wikipedia page and spent his time reading about the man he is going to portray. There were a couple of old photos of him from the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. Joe couldn’t help but admit that man was good looking. It felt a bit weird thinking that this John Deacon guy pretty good looking, since he can see the resemblance between the two of them.

When Bohemian Rhapsody ended he scrolled through the related videos and found an interview with the band, probably from the late ‘70’s. He watched the video and then watched a few more. He started learning more about the band as with each video. And he started falling in love with Queen. The way Freddie Mercury spoke and carried himself. He was always trying make sure John Deacon was included. He loved seeing how Roger Taylor and Brian’s May relationship blossomed as the years went on. It was kinda sweet watching them fall in with each other. Even sweeter when he read that they are still together now, married with kids and grand kids.

Joe kept watching any footage of John Deacon he could find to study his accent. And maybe to fawn over young John Deacon cos who wouldn’t want him. The man has the softest features and the sweetest accent. Not to mention his smile that could bright up the darkest room. Joe struggled with the accent for a while but when he finally felt confident enough, he recorded a video and set it to his agent. He knows he is still going to need a dialect coach but for now, this will have to do for now. He found himself moving all the way up to the ‘90’s and to Freddie’s death. The footage of Queen seemed to die down after that. He was able to find more things on Roger and Brian, but John retired in ‘97 so the man doesn’t exist on the internet these days.

He was watching an interview with Brian May and Roger Taylor from 2010 and for two men in the late 60’s, they both just as attractive as they were in the ‘70’s. Joe heard the two men are planning to be heavily involved with filming, so he’s trying to get all his fan girling out now. Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of them on set. After a while, curiosity struck him and he couldn’t help but wonder what Freddie would like today if he was still here. He tried not to dwell on that since he would never know and instead focused on the things he could find out. Like that John Deacon looks like today.

He typed into Google image, John Deacon present day. There wasn’t a variety of photos, maybe two or three pictures. He clicked on one to enlarge it and nearly dropped in wine glass as he studied the photo. The green eyes and soft smile that Joe hasn’t seen in a while. And the last time he saw them they were above him, pounding into him. He remembers his soft lips and the moans and growls that escaped them. 

“John Deacon fucked me? John Deacon, Queen’s bass player, fucked me. Oh shit,” Joe said out loud to himself. He couldn’t stop the crazed laugh that came out of his mouth. “What the fuck.”

Joe kept looking at the few current photos of him, trying to take in the fact that he had a one night stand with John fucking Deacon. That if it wasn’t a pregnancy scare that meant he would’ve been pregnant with John Deacon’s baby. Joe didn’t know how he felt or how he should feel about all of this. He’s trying to remember the conversations he had with John Deacon back in London. The man never once gave off the impression that he was the former bass player for Queen. Fucking Queen, who are arguably the most famous band like ever. He was the most casual person he’s ever met.

Joe knows that John Deacon is not involved in the film, but he can’t help but wonder if John got a say in who plays him or even or if he is even aware the Joe is playing him. What if that’s why he was picked? Or worse, what if John saw who they picked and he didn’t even remember Joe. Joe’s brain felt like it was on fire from trying to process all this information. He shut his laptop and finished off the bottle of wine.

“ _John fucking Deacon_ ,” Joe said before downing his glass.

-

His agent called two days later letting him know he officially got the part. And from that moment everything seem to happen at lightning speed. Before he knew it he was back in London, meeting his cast mates and production had started. 

He immediately got on with Ben and Gwil, who are clearly both into each other but keep denying it. They say they are just working on their on screen chemistry, to which Joe responded with “bullshit but okay”. It’s nice having Rami around him, Joe loves acting but being away from home is always hard on him. So having someone from home made him feel better about being away. The four of them have been attached at the hip since the day they met and Joe couldn’t be happier. 

Well he could be. 

It started early on when Brian and Roger stopped by the set one day. Both rock stars treated the four of them great. Obliviously, Brian and Roger spent a lot of time with Ben and Gwil helping them get into character. The six of them all spent a lot of time together. Brian and Roger told them so many stories about the good ole days of Queen. It was hard to watch Ben and Gwil with Roger and Brian, knowing John has nothing to do with the film. He doesn’t like to complain, especially since it’s hard for Rami, knowing that Freddie Mercury isn’t alive. So he tries very hard to conceal his jealously. Brian and Roger talk about Freddie and John to the boys, telling stories to them and giving them personal insight to help them get into character. But it’s still not the same.

“We’ve been trying to get him involved since the beginning but he refuses. We’re very sorry about that,” Brian explained to the cast.

“Yeah, he told me about that. It’s okay,” Joe replied. “I mean my agent told me. Does he know I’m playing him or did he have any say in it?”

“We asked him if he wanted to help cast his character, but he declined. Brian’s been trying to communicate with him about it but he won’t answer. He’s quite reserved these days. I don’t think he leaves the house much.” Roger said playfully.

All Joe could think about is sitting at the bar with John and then bringing him back to his hotel. Joe knows he leaves the house. But he’s not about to tell his two former band mates that. 

“I’ll text him updates and he doesn’t respond. I told him know once filming started that you were playing him and got no response. Don’t take it personally,” Brian said patting Joe’s shoulder. “It’s just who he is these days.”

Joe was partly relieved that John wasn’t involved. He’s not sure he could deal with seeing John on set. Would he play dumb and pretend he didn’t sleep with him? Or would they have to address the elephant in the room? Would John even recognize him? There is another part of him that really wishes John was around for filming. He could learn so much from him. Get an incredible insight on who he is as a person. For acting purposes, obliviously. And maybe cos besides landing the role of John Deacon, sleeping with John was one of the greatest times in his life. He didn’t get the chance to answer John’s question about regretting sleeping with him. He doesn’t regret it. Not just because he found out he’s a rock star. But cos he was the sweetest man he’s ever been with. And the crazy hot sex they had is burned into Joe’s brain.

Not that any of it matters, John Deacon isn’t involved with the film. Joe’s okay with the fact he’ll probably never see him again.

-  
It’s pretty early on when Ben and Gwil start dating. Not that a single person on set is surprised. Joe’s excited for them, they make each other happy and that makes Joe happy. Rami and Lucy have been going steady since they were both casted for the film. He couldn’t be happier for his best friend. Even with being surround by the two couples, three on days Brian and Roger are on set, they don’t let Joe feel left out. Ben and Joe have started an ongoing joke that they are actually in love. (Gwil is fully on board with the joke and will even play along that him and Joe are together). Joe have no problem tagging along with the couples, he’s happy for his friends. 

That doesn’t mean there aren’t times when he wishes he was with someone, or at least getting laid. It’s when the couples are doing couple things and Joe stays in alone. They’ll invite him out and Joe knows that they are doing it so he doesn’t feel alone. He’ll decline the offer so they can have couple time, just the two of them. 

When Brian and Roger invited them all over for Sunday tea, Joe was split on how he felt. Yeah having tea at these rock stars house is probably the coolest and most British thing ever. It also means that he will be the 7th wheel. He wants to decline the offer but he decided that he needs to stop pitying himself and get over his feelings.

He arrived last, taking his sweet time to get over there. He wasn’t late by any means but he definitely wasn’t early. Everyone was out in the garden having a few drinks, there was not a tea cup insight. Everyone was chatting about how filming is going, teasing Gwil and Ben, and Roger told them stories about the crazy Queen parties they used to have. Joe found himself having a good time and forgetting that he is the only single person here.

“Brimi, look at who texted me!” Roger shouted. 

Everyone in the garden fell silent as the drummer tossed his phone to Brian. They all watched as Brian read the message.

“I told you this would work,” Roger smirked.

“You guys planning on cluing us in?” Gwil asked.

Everyone was waiting for either if them to say something, as it clearly seemed like a big deal.

“We planned this Sunday tea hoping that since this is a rather small gathering John might be more inclined to come,” Brian explained, Roger let out a loud cough. “It was Roger’s idea and it worked, he’s on his way over.”

Joe spit his beer out of his mouth and started to cough. Ben hit his back a few times and let out a laugh.

“Fuck Joe, you nervous?” Ben playfully asked.

“It’s going to be fine! This is amazing Joe, you wanted to meet him for so long!” Rami chimed in.

Joe didn’t respond to anyone and instead downed his beer. Of course he’s nervous, for a lot of reasons. The main one which he can’t really talk about. And he already met him and didn’t think he would meet him again. Not that he was gonna tell them that.

“Sorry. Just took me be surprise,” Joe explained once he collected himself.

“We didn’t want to say anything, we were afraid he’d cancel on us. That’s what he usually does,” Roger told them.

Everyone chatted about how excited they were and how fucking cool it was they were getting to meet the quiet and shy John Deacon. Joe let out a small laugh. John is anything but quiet and shy. If he could only tell them about the filth that came from his mouth. 

“I know we’re all excited but please don’t overwhelm him. He’s always been a bit more fragile than us and really hasn’t been the same since Freddie died. This is a huge step, him coming out. So don’t be surprised if he doesn’t talk much or kinda secludes himself, that’s just Deaky being Deaky.” Brian told the room. “Joe please make the most of it, I’m not sure if he’ll ever come back out again. He’s on board with the movie but told us he didn’t care to be apart of it.”

Joe nodded and then excused himself to the washroom. He needed a moment alone and to splash his face with cold water. He spent more time than he should have in the bathroom but he didn’t care. He needed to compose himself before he meets John again. He ran through his options and decided it was just best to act like it never happen. Cos he didn’t sleep with Queen’s former bass player. He slept with John, that quiet man he met at a pub. He took a deep breath and left the bathroom

He was doing fine until he had to to walk through the kitchen back to the garden. Brian was in the kitchen talking to John and Joe’s heart stopped beating. Brian’s face lit up and he called Joe over to him. John’s gaze never met his and now Joe wanted the floor to swallow him.

“Alright Deaky, this is perfect! You get to meet Joe first without the rest of the cast or Roger interrupting. John this is Joe Mazzello, he’s playing you in the film and he’s doing brilliantly. Joe this is John Deacon,” Brian introduced them.  
Joe stuck his hand out to meets John and they locked hands and eyes. Such a big part of Joe wanted to kiss him, right here and right now. But the look John had on his face stopped him. It wasn’t a bad look or a good luck. It was just a look, a look you give someone the first time you meet them. His nightmare came to life, John Deacon didn’t remember him. And why would he?

“Pleasure to meet you Joe,” John said with a warm smile. “Sorry I haven’t been around for filming, Brian’s been keeping me updated though.”

“Not that you respond,” Brian mumbled.

Joe’s heart fluttered at hearing his accent again. God he fucking missed that accent and the little gap. FUCK. 

He stood their frozen cos here is John Deacon, Queen’s bass player, talking to him like it’s nothing. Like he’s not a damn rock star.

“Yeah, that’s great.” Joe managed to choke out in a high pitched voice. “Thank you.”

Brian let out a laugh, clearly at Joe’s expense and John’s gaze fell back to the floor. Joe could feel the tension and awkwardness in the room. Luckily Brian saved the day by saying they should all go back into the garden. 

Brian did all the formal introductions, he could see just how shy John really is. He’s quiet and reserved, hesitant in most of his movements. He’s nothing like the John that Joe met at the pub. He did warm up after a while, mainly sticking by Roger’s side. But it was still something. After a while, Brian insisted on Joe and John sitting to the side to chat and get to know each other. And all Joe could think was ‘oh we got to know each other really well, ya know when he ate me out and fucked me relentlessly’ 

They sat at a small table on the side of the garden and Joe was terribly nervous. Joe was surprised when John took lead of the conversation, talking about his time with Queen and his thoughts on the film. Joe tried to impress him bit showing John how far he’s come with the accent. John seemed rather impressed and Joe felt incredibly proud. Joe told him all about his acting career at this point and more details about himself. Well details he didn’t tell John the last time they were together. They ended up talking for a while and Joe felt strange. It felt like it was the first time they met but also felt like they already knew each other for years. 

John apologized for not being involved, reassuring Joe it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with being out of the spot light.  
  
“It’s alright, John. It was explained to be in the beginning that you weren’t involved so I put to bed ever meeting you,” Joe said, he noticed the face John made. “I mean like, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

“I understand. I might come to the set a few times, but don’t hold me to it.” John said with a smirk. “I’m glad we're meeting. Brian’s been telling me all about you and how much you look like me. Well how I used to look.”

“It is a bit crazy, not as crazy as Gwil and Brian. That’s like a glitch in the matrix or something,” Joe joked, John let out a laugh. “Thanks for coming today, I appreciate it.”

“Brian said something about how he feels terrible that you and Rami don’t have your counter parts to look up to. And while none of us can do anything about Freddie for Rami, I realized how selfish it was of me not to do what I can for you. Though I’m not quite sure what I bring to the table.” John said softly.

So John definitely doesn’t remember him and is only here because he feels bad for Joe. Fucking great. Fucking pathetic.   
  
“It’s just nice enough meeting the legend himself! I hope I do you proud and don't put the name John Deacon to shame.” Joe joked.

“I’m positive you’ll do well, but not that many people know who John Deacon is. I always was more of a background man, now more than ever,” John explained with a tone Joe continue decipher. 

Joe let out a smile and the private conversation ended and Joe’s never been happier. It’s hard sit across from someone who you remember but they don’t remember you. The two of them joined the rest of the crowd and Joe felt worse than he originally felt. There was an obvious shift in the mood and everyone was painfully aware of it. Thankfully Brian and Roger were there to help distract everyone from him and John.

Joe felt like he was on auto pilot the rest of the day. He could barely hear the conversations everyone was having. He was incredibly aware of John not looking at him or even paying attention anytime he spoke. He can’t decide if that’s a good thing or bad thing. He just knows it fucking hurts. His mood didn’t change as the night went on and when he faked a stomach ache and called a taxi, nobody tried to stop him. He only received a concerned text from Ben.

**Ben Hardy: I know you’re not sick. Is everything alright mate? What did John kick you off the movie? lol**

**Joe: haha nothing like that, just a weird and very whelming day. See you tomorrow on set.**

Back at his place Joe tried to remember the John he met in London the first time. The John who listen to every word he spoke let it held the secrets of the universe. The John who snuggled up to him and rubbed circles on his hips. The John who looked at Joe like he was the only person who mattered. The John who was sweet, caring, and sensitive. That’s who he wants John to be. Not the John he met today, who barely gave him a second look and didn’t seem interested in him at all. Every conversation felt forced and awkward, like John had better things to be doing.

Joe spent the last month hoping John would be involved in the film. And now he couldn't careless if the man came anywhere near the film. Yeah it would be nice if John remembered him, but that’s not the point. John showed no interest in Joe as a human being. John treated him like he wasn’t even in the room. And that is just terribly rude and unkind and Joe knows he doesn’t deserve that. John doesn’t want to be involved, that's fine. But Joe doesn’t understand why the man came out to only act so cold towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided against doing a pregnancy during filming cos I had a different idea. Sorry if that disappointed anyone!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe meets up with John again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on Tumblr Mother-mercury44 ! :)

Joe put all thoughts of John out of his head, for now the second time. He wasn’t upset with John, he was more upset with how he isn’t someone who leaves a mark on someones life. He hates that this is how is brain, heart, and cock works. He never explained to the rest of the cast why he left and they never asked. Instead, Joe focused on his role and spending time his his cast mates. It took two weeks, but Joe was finally back in a better mood. Well better than he was before.

After filming one day, Joe and Rami went to a pub to catch up properly. Joe and Rami never talked about that day Joe freaked out and had to take a pregnancy test. Rami never really asked him questions but her knew they would come eventually. They were about five pints in when Rami brought up the elephant in the room.

“You’ve been weird since your scare. I know it probably freaked you out and made you think about a lot of things, but I feel like you’re not the same person. Please just talk to me. It was consensual right? Like he didn’t...” Rami said trailing off into a whisper. 

“No! I initiated everything, all three times. I just, I don’t know. I always wanted a family so yeah I was freaked out but it made me realize how I want to fall in love and start a family. I’m nearing 34 and there’s nothing in my foreseeable future,” Joe explained, downing his pint. “And then filming started and I just never dealt with it.”

“Okay but you also have been acting weird on set and I’m not even gonna mention the train wreck you were at Brian and Roger’s. I mean what the hell was that? After you left, Roger went inside with John and I heard John saying something about him feeling like he wasted his time coming. He was upset Joe. You made legendary bass player John Deacon upset. So whatever you have going on in your personal life, talk to us so we can help you out. You got this dark rain cloud over your head. I care about you man,” Rami said tossing a peanut at Joe’s head.

Joe debated if he should tell his best friend the truth. Rami has always been there for him and never once judged him. He decided against telling him the truth, sparing himself from further embarrassment. 

“When I came back from London, I had this feeling that good things were coming. And so far life has just knocked me on my ass,” Joe explained.

“You had a pregnancy scare and you’re single. Not the worst thing in the world Mazzello. But dude, you’re playing John Deacon in a movie about Queen. Think about what this is gonna do for both of us,” Rami said with a huge grin. “We met Queen, I feel like I’m dreaming. John Deacon came out to meet you, that’s fucking crazy.”

“Yeah,” Joe said taking a sip of his beer. “That’s the crazy part.”  
-

After his chat with Rami, Joe realized what a downer he’s been a set. Joe spent more time joking around with Ben, getting to know Lucy better, and taking everything in. This really is an incredibly opportunity and Joe has been treating like it’s like nothing. He hasn’t been appreciating Roger and Brian visiting the set. Two rock legends taking time out of their day to visit the four actors is huge. And Joe’s been treating it like an inconvenience.

Everyone around him noticed the change in his mood, but thankfully no one commented on it. Joe didn’t need his cast mates calling him out for being a Debbie downer. 

One day they had some free time around set, Joe was looking forward to taking a power nap in his trailer. They all went out went drinking the night before and Joe went a little too far with the shots. He face planted on the couch the second he walked through the door. Promising the universe that he’ll never drink again if his hangover would just go away. He tossed back and fourth on the couch. He slammed his head into a pillow. He was frustrated, hungover, and just not in a good mood. His phone buzzing every few minutes which wasn’t helping either, neither did the sound of someone quietly knocking on his trailer door.

With a groan, Joe peeled himself off the couch and tried to make himself somewhat presentable for whoever as at the door. It took him under a minute to throw on some trousers over his briefs and run his hands through his hair. When Joe opened the door, there was no one there. He looked around and called out for whoever was just at his door. Joe received no response and he walked out to see who was there. He assumed it was Ben or someone trying to drag him out of his trailer. Even though he specifically told them not to bother him cos he’s hungover.

Just around the corner from his trailer, Joe spotted Ben with John. Oh Jesus fucking Christ, Joe thought. He wasn’t really in the mood to deal with anyone, let alone John Deacon. He really thought he was going to get away with not having to see him on set, but apparently not. He walked over to them and Ben gave him a squeeze on his shoulder.  
  
“Too busy hugging the bowl to answer the door, huh? Told you to lay off the shots,” Ben joked. “John came with Brian and Roger today, Gwil and I asked for help with the instruments. Brian and Roger asked John to help coach you on bass, he’s noticed you been struggling.”

John gave him a smile, holding up his bass case to show Joe. Joe’s aware he’s been struggling with it, in his defense he’s never even touched the instrument until filming starting a month ago.

“Well struggling is a strong word to use,” Joe said with snort. “Sorry I haven’t been playing for 50 years.”

“Ignoring your attitude and blaming it on your hangover, John offered to give up his time to help you. Then Brian and Roger invited us all over tonight to hangout. And yes you are going I don’t care if you’ll still be sick,” Ben laughed. “Anyways, I gotta meet Roger up. He’s gonna think I left him hanging.”

Ben jogged off, leaving Joe and John alone between trailers.

“It’s alright that you are struggling, you’re an actor not musician Joe. Would you like to go on set or...” John trailed off.

“If you wouldn’t mind, we can go back to my trailer. Too damn loud and bright on set and this hangover is killing me.” Joe answered.

“Lead the way.”

Back in the trailer, they had a bit of small talk and then went right to business. Joe was trying his hardest not have harsh feelings towards John but it was rather hard. John was cold and distant towards him that Sunday and Joe was still a little bit upset about it. But now, John Deacon was sitting here in his trailer, helping him out. Joe wants to think that John did this out of his own free will but he’s almost certain Brian and Roger probably forced him to come out. He tried not to focus on that, saving himself a headache. He instead focused on he important thing about all of this.

That John Deacon was in his trailer. coaching him on bass. Joe didn’t have the bass he uses for filming so he had to use John’s. John helped Joe with a few basic things. Like showing him to hold the bass so he looks more natural while sliding his hand up and down the neck. It’s quite surreal having this rock legend coach him. Like it’s the most causal and normal thing ever. John took his bass and started playing something that Joe didn’t know.  
  
“You’re quite the fast learner,” John said with a smile. “You really didn’t need me at all.”

“Thanks but I definitely did. I kept screwing yesterday and it put me in a terrible mood so they called it a day,” Joe said with a hint of embarrassment in his voice. “So Brian was right about calling in you for some reinforcement. He’s always meddling, you should’ve seen him before Gwil and Ben got together. Brian and Roger were playing love doctors or something.”

“They’ve always been like that. Roger’s still doing that after all these years. Sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong, even if you swat him on the nose and tell him to stop,” John said with a chuckle.

They made some more small talk about how filming is going and a few other things. Joe felt himself letting go of the harsh feelings he had towards John. Sitting here talking with him reminded him of that second day with John in London. When they sat on the bed in his hotel room and maxed out on room service all while chatting like they’ve known each other for ages. The very sweet and kind John who made Joe feel important and valid. Ah Fuck not again, Joe thought. He could feel the flutter of the butterflies in his stomach forming. He just finally got over his one night stand and now here he is like a blushing school girl in front of her crush.

He focused on keeping his breath steady and making sure none of the blood in his body went to his cock. He couldn’t keep still and kept nervously fidgeting around. John must have noticed and he cleared his throat.

“Joe, I just wanted to apologize for that Sunday at Brian and Roger’s house. I didn’t mean to come off like an arse. Roger said I was an arse, I kinda agree with him. I’m not the best with meeting people these days and I’m sorry,” John apologized.

Joe wanted to say a few things, mainly something along the lines of ‘well I smell bullshit cos you didn’t seem to have a problem when we met back in February’. But he decided not to add gas to the fire.

“Seriously John don’t worry about it. I was so nervous meeting you, I think I might have actually blacked out at one point. I also get weird when I’m nervous so I probably came across as a mad man,” Joe joked.

“You were lovely on Sunday,” John said with a reassuring smile.

John put a comforting hand on his arm, giving him a small squeeze. Joe felt like this was the right moment to say something. Literally anything. Maybe ask him if he remembers him. Maybe make a move on him. John was quiet and shy the first time they slept together, so Joe didn’t know if John was being a bit flirty not. So maybe he shouldn’t do anything until he’s at least 99% sure that John is flirting with him. He knew John is attracted to him, or at least he was that night they met. He sat there running through his options, internally debating what the hell he should do.

“I should probably get going, let you recover from last nights events. I’m not going to promise but I’m going to try to come around the set more. I would love to be a part of this and get to know you better,” John said standing up and putting his bass away. “I had great time with you and it feels good doing something. I feel like good things are coming.”

Joe ears picked up that. He watched as John stood towards the door.  
“I uh, I said the same thing right before I got this role. I was sorta in a shitty place and this role came at the right time,” Joe said grinning. “Weird.”

John hand his hand on the door, he paused before turning the knob and let out a sigh followed by a half smile.

“Freddie used to say that all the time. It drove me nuts cos he would say it before doing anything and when good things came he would say ‘I told you so darling!’. And most of the time good things wouldn’t come, like one out of twenty-five times good things came,” John explained. “He always said if you feel good things coming go out and chase it until you have it. I always thought he was bonkers for saying that but now I finally believe him. If he was here he would rub it in my face.”

Joe wasn’t quite sure how to respond. While Brian and Roger talk about Freddie, John has never really mentioned his name. Joe never did either not wanting to upset the older man. He gave John a big smile cos even though he never met Freddie, it sounded like such a Freddie thing he would say and do.

John turned the knob and opened the door but Joe decided to stop him before he could leave.

“John, do you really not remember me?” 

_Smooth Mazzello._

John shut the door and faced him.

“We slept together, like three times back in December. I know it was just a one night stand and it meant nothing but am I really that forgettable of a person? I know some whiny ass kid from America is not someone you would want to remember,” Joe blurted out. This was not how he thought this was going to go. But here he is. “And if you don’t, no big deal I don’t care. I just need to know cos all I think about is how crazy this is.”

“What’s crazy?” John hesitantly asked. 

Annoyingly avoiding Joe’s question, but whatever.

“We fucked and then months later I’m on set playing you in a movie. And they told me you didn’t have a say and really care about who played you. So it’s not like either of us went out of our way to make this happen. So all I want to know is, do you remember me or am I making a fool out of myself.” Joe rambled on.

Joe stood up from his chair and John set his bass down, joining Joe in the center of the room. Joe wishes he could read John’s body language cos the not knowing part right now is killing him.

“I really knew nothing about the movie. Brian sent me updates daily and I would just delete them texts and emails. Roger texted me about Sunday tea and meeting the cast, so I figured that would be the best time to come around. I had asked the names of the cast, more specifically you so I could read up about the lad playing me. I didn’t recognize you when I first looked you up on the internet,” John explained truthfully.

Joe really didn’t need to hear that part of him not being memorable.

“Then I found myself watching an interview of you and I heard your voice. I could never forget your voice. It brought back all those memories I pushed aside. I had a rather lovely time with you and sort blocked that memory out. Not wanting to find myself lusting after the American lad I slept with,” John said staring everywhere but Joe’s eyes. “I figured it was best to just pretend I didn’t remember in case you didn’t remember or if you remembered and wanted to forget. I was giving you an out, Joe. It’s a weird situation. So yes, I remember you.”

Joe felt his whole body going stiff. Finally getting answer to the question he’s been asking himself was not as nice as he thought it would be. Yes, John remembering him is the answer he was hoping for but that doesn’t make the situation any better.

“Oh,” Joe managed to get out. Not knowing what to say but not wanting to say nothing.

John took a seat on the couch and Joe followed. He wasn’t even sure if John wanted his company, but Joe was going to give it to him anyways.

“I didn’t tell anyone,” John said softly. “I didn’t want to embarrass you or have someone thinking you got the role cos we slept together.”

“I never answered your question that last night,” Joe said turning to face John. “I would never regret any of that. It was honestly the greatest time I’ve ever had, for a lot of reasons not just the sex. I mean the sex was pretty fucking awesome. You treated me so kindly, I could never regret or be embarrassed of you.”

He watch a soft smile grow on John’s face. 

“I jerked off thinking about it more times than I’m willing to admit,” Joe confessed.  
  
He heard John take it a deep breath and Joe felt the blood rush to his cock remembering their sexual encounters.

“You still have a filthy mouth,” John said in a low voice.

Joe wasn’t quite sure if this where he wanted things to go. It’s too late to think about how he wanted this to play out in the long run. All he could think about is how horny he is right now and how well John took care of him last time. Joe reached out to cup John’s face and gave him a small smirk before kissing the older man gently. He waited until John kissed him back to deepen the kiss. Joe wrapped his arms around John’s neck while John placed one hand on Joe’s hip. As the kiss became heated Joe opened his mouth to let John slide his tongue in. 

Joe’s fully hard now thinking about all the fun they had last time and all the fun they can have now. He forgot how soft John’s lips are and how well John’s tongue moves in his mouth. That spine chilling feeling when they twirl their tongues together. Joe couldn’t help but moan into John’s mouth and the older man squeezed his hip in return. 

“John,” Joe moan while scooting himself into John’s lap. 

John squeezed Joe’s hips, definitely hard enough to leave bruises. John attacked Joe’s neck and only stopped to throw his head back when Joe palmed his erection. 

“ _Fuck_.”

“John. I want you to fuck me,” Joe begged. He ground his hand down harder on John’s clothed cock waiting for an answer.

“We don’t have to,” John said breathing heavily.

“Please, John. Please,” Joe said, sounding very close to a whine.

Joe has been dreaming of this moment since the morning he woke up and John was gone. He never thought he would have the chance to be in this position again and he’s not about to let John’s insecurities stop them.

Joe took his shirt off and jumped off John’s lap to retrieve condom and a bottle of lube. The box of condoms and the bottle of lube were both unopened, he had bought them on whim using some wishful thinking. While he thought it was a waste to buy them before, he’s really fucking glad right now. He tossed both items on the couch and walked towards John as he undressed himself.

Joe’s filled with nerves about being naked in front of John again but the way John drinks in the sight of him is gives him enough confidence. He put out a hand to pull John up and started to undress the older man. 

Joe stared at John’s naked body for the first time in a while and was drooling as if it was the first time. 

“I forget how fucking hot you are,” Joe growled as he ran his hands down his chest. “Forgot how big your cock is too.” Joe stroked his cock lazily.

John ducked his head down as he let out a low moan. Joe could see the insecurities coming out. When they came out in London, Joe was slightly annoyed and didn’t understand why. But now after reading about John and getting to know him personally, he can now see that he is just an insecure man. This pulls at Joe’s heart cos he doesn’t have any reason to be insecure. All Joe wants to do is make him believe him.

He lightly pushed John down back on the couch and got down on his knees between John’s legs. He stroked the older mans thick cock a few times and leaving small kisses up and down the shaft. He loved the breathy moans that escaped John’s mouth. He waited until John through his head back in pleasure to swallow John’s cock.

John was clearly caught off guard and let a choked moan and his hands went to straight to Joe’s hair, pulling hard. 

“Forgot how sinful your mouth is,” John moan, thrusting into Joe’s mouth slightly. “So fucking warm and wet.”

Joe worked his mouth up and down John’s cock until his jaw started to ache. He popped off and climbed onto John’s lap. He reached over to grab the bottle of lube, pressing it against John’s chest.

“Want you to fuck me. Wanna ride you,” Joe said kissing the bass players neck.

“New bottle?” John ask with a smirk as he unopened the bottle.

Joe snorted. “More like a bottle I bought the start of filming and never got the chance to use it.”

“Glad to help your use it now. So lovely Joe. So fit,” John growled.

Joe spread his legs a little wider and John let out a breathy moan while he poured lube onto his fingers, warming it up a bit, and reached around Joe to tease his rim. Before he pushed a finger in, he used his free hand to pull Joe closer to kiss his lips. Joe wasn’t quite sure if the older man minded tasting himself but the way John licked into Joe’s mouth like it was best thing he’s eve tasted put all his doubts to rest.

John opened him up fast and hard. Joe couldn’t help but fuck himself on John’s fingers, his head pressed into the crook of John’s neck letting out soft whines and moans. It felt just as fucking good as the first time John fingered him opened. It brought back the hot and sexy memories or their time together, It also reminded him of those videos he watched of John playing bass. The way his long fingers slid up and down the neck and how now those fingers are fucking into him, hitting his prostate dead on every time. 

Joe reached over to grab a condom and rolled it down John’s hard length. He lined John’s cock up to his entrance before slowly sinking down. He used John’s shoulders as leverage and bit down harshly on his bottom lip. Once he was fully seated on John’s cock, he squeezed his eyes shut trying to adjust to his length. He forgot just how thick John’s cock is and it doesn’t help that he hasn’t had sex in a while.

John rubbed circles against his hip. “Are you alright? Want me to pull out?” John asked.

“FUCK. No, please don’t. It’s a- it’s been a while. Need a second,” Joe said biting John’s shoulder.

John gave him the time he needed, peppering kisses to his face. After a minute, Joe lifted himself half way off the bass players cock before dropping back down. He kept fucking himself on John’s rock, throwing his head back while let out loud moans followed by John’s name.

Joe found the right angle he needed to hit his prostate and fucked himself down hard each time. 

“M’not gonna last much longer Joe. _FUCK_. You’re arse is perfect, like a bloody vice . Gonna cum-” John moaned as he spilled into the condom.

John took a minute to recover from his orgasm then proceeded to wank Joe off. It took maybe six stroked before he was spilling into John’s hand. Both men sat there trying to catch their breath and come down from their high.

Joe got himself off John’s cock and went to grab a few things to help them clean up. Each of them did their own thing, not really making eye contact with each other. Joe felt rather weird, he was just bouncing on this mans cock and now John won’t look at him as they change back into their clothes. Joe can’t help but feel like he maybe made things worse by sleeping with John again. Cos he definitely has feelings for John. And yeah while those feelings started off as purely sexual, Joe can’t help that they turned into real feelings. He’s not sure how John feels towards him. He can’t say if John has strong feelings towards him. He knows they are going to have to talk about it this. At least to not make things awkward during filming and while on set.   
“That was fun Joe. Thanks for that,” John said picking up his bass once more and head towards the door.

“I needed that,” Joe said with a smile. “Are you going to Brian and Roger’s later?”

John let out an exhausted sigh. “Probably not, don’t worry.”

Joe witnessed John’s negative exit twice before in London, but there was something different this time. Before Joe could even think of a response, John was out the door.

Joe did a quick check in the mirror to make sure he didn’t look too fucked out before heading out after John. 

John didn’t get to far, he was stopped talking to Roger and Ben. Joe sprinted over to the three men.

“Hi guys,” Joe said before turning to John. “I was gonna ask if I could get your number in case I have any questions. Figure I could go to the man himself instead of Google.”

John had a rather confused look across his face and Roger shook John’s shoulder.

“Deaks, I told you to give the lad your number at Sunday tea. Why don’t you ever listen to me!” Roger joked.

“Must’ve forgot Rog,” John said with a major hint of sass.

Roger and Ben resumed talking while John gave Joe his number. Joe sent John a text saying ‘It’s Joe’ so John has his number. Joe gave the older man a smile and a quick thanks before jobbing back to his trailer. He wanted to stay and chat but with his endorphins pumping, he knows he’s going to say something rather to stupid to John. Like probably confess his feelings towards the bass player and he’d rather not do that in front of Ben and Roger.

He plopped back down on the couch, replaying the events that just happened while clutching his phone to his chest. He’s painfully aware that he’s in over his head and thinking exclusively with his cock and not his brain. But none of that matters cos John remembers him. John said he could never forget his voice. John called him lovely. 

Joe sat alone in bliss with his own thoughts for a few minutes only to be disturbed by Ben, Gwil, and Rami barging into his trailer. He knew he should’ve locked the damn door. 

They came in silently and all took a seat at the small table across from Joe.

“Is this an intervention?” Joe joked, genuinely not knowing what the hell is going on.

“Joe, I’ve know you for nearly over ten years and I’ve never seen you act this way. You’re so fidgety and anxious all the time. Ben and Gwil just met you and they said you’ve been acting strange,” Rami explained calmly. “After that Sunday tea you’ve been different. Is it John? Did he say something to you?” 

“Wait what?” Joe asked sounding confused.

“Come off it Joe, you both were terribly awkward at Sunday tea. Now today I heard John yelling from your trailer and I was nearby when he came running out. He looked frantic and flustered. Did you have a fight?”

Joe was trying his hardest not crazy laugh at the situation. He looked at them hoping they would give him a second to process everything they said so he could answer. But apparently not.

“Joe, you can always talk to us or let Brian and Roger know if he’s making you uncomfortable,” Gwil added.

Joe let out a choked sob. It’s been a wild few months; the pregnancy scare, getting the role of John Deacon, realizing he slept with John Deacon, and now to meeting John Deacon who does remember him. And the whole him and John Deacon fucking literally 20 minutes ago. He’ll admit he’s been anxious and probably acting like a mad man, but it’s cos he’s been keeping this all to himself. And he tells Rami everything. Now he’s sitting here with his three mates who think John Deacon and him are clashing or John Deacon is treating him poorly. The whole situation has been comical since day one.

He’s clearly been lost in his own thoughts long enough for the boys to scout closer and Ben to take a seat next to him. Ben grabbed Joe’s hand and squeezed it gently.

“Joe, he didn’t say anything nasty right? Like he isn’t coming onto you or making inappropriate comments. Cos I swear to God I’ll kick his fucking arse if he’s sexually harassing you,” Ben said in calm voice that came across incredibly threatening. 

“Guy it’s nothing really-” Joe cut himself off thinking about what to say.  
He’s already in too deep with John and there’s not going back now. Plus it’ll help if he could talk this out with them. And tell that not John is NOT sexually harassing him. He loves his mates and are glad they are looking out for him. But he doesn’t need Ben kicking John Deacon’s ass. 

“I’ll talk to Brian later,” Gwil said when Joe never answered.

_Well fuck it,_ Joe thought.

“He’s not making nasty comments or fucking molesting me. If you gave me a second I could explain everything,” John blurted out. He’s hoping he didn’t come across as an ass but so be it if he did. “It’s kinda a long story but I slept with John back in December, before I even got the roll for Borhap.” 

“Wait when you had that pregnancy scare, that would have been John Deacon’s baby?” Rami said with a crazed laugh. 

Ben and Gwil exchanged confused looks and they both gestured for him to explain.

He told them everything in grave detail. Leaving out the very hot and sexy details of the sex they had for obvious reasons. He explained how they met and how shy John was at first. That John gave not a single clue that he is the former bass player for fucking Queen. He told them during his research for the role he found out that he had slept with him. He admitted to being torn between wanting John to be involved but also wanting him to be so far away from the film. The three boys listened to him all wide eye and taking everything in.

“At Sunday tea when we met, it was clear he didn’t remember and it made me upset. He was just so cold towards me. I knew it was a one night stand but we had some amazing conversations and I don’t know I just had my hopes crushed. Then today as he was about to leave I asked him if he remembered me and he did. He was giving me an out in case I regretted it and that’s why he was acting like that towards me. And then we slept together 20 minutes ago,” Joe let out a long sigh followed by a smirk. “So he wasn’t yelling at me. We were fucking.”

Ben jumped off the couch. “You could’ve led with that, didn’t need to sit where you did the dirty with Deacon!” Ben said jokingly.

“Shut up Ben. Anyways, that’s it. And things are just awkward cos he’s really quiet and insecure so I can’t read him. I don’t know what he’s thinking ya know,” Joe trialed off.

A brief yet comfortable silence fell across the room. Joe didn’t know what else to say since he just told his three mates that he’s slept with John Deacon. Whose Queen’s former bass player and also 32 years older than him. Joe was waiting for Rami’s lecture on him needing to date guys closer to his age and going on about how he can’t put Joe back together after another heart break. He knows Rami means well and is the voice of reason in his life but sometimes he doesn’t want that. He’s not sure on how Gwil and Ben will react, he hasn’t known them for long but Ben just threatened to beat up John and Gwil was ready to alert Brian and Roger that John might be harassing him. They seem to genuinely care about him which means they’ll probably have some strong words for his current life choices.

Joe’s prepared for them to rip him a new asshole and kick his ass from here to Sunday.  
  
“Oh wow, that’s not what I was expecting. Why didn’t you tell us this? Or at least me,” Rami asked. 

“Yeah mate, what the hell? You shouldn’t have had to deal with that shit by yourself,” Ben playfully pushed him. 

“Rami we just started talking again after Greg cheated on me. I wasn’t about to tell you my pregnancy scare was from some 66 year old guy from London. Then months later find out it’s him. I really didn’t need you to come after my life choices. I know it’s all fucked and I keep making it worse,” John putting his face in his hands. “You know I fall hard and fast. I didn’t need my friends and cast mates knowing how pathetic I am.”

“You fancy John Deacon?” Gwil asked.

“Of course he does, look at him getting all red!” Ben answered. “After they shagged, he raced out to get his number!”

Joe was glad Ben answered for him. He’s 99% sure he can’t say it out loud himself. Rami still never answered or reacted to what he had said and Joe knew to take that as a very very bad sign.

“I’m pretty sure I blew any chance I had with him and the chances I had with him were slim to none. So it really doesn’t matter,” Joe said in a small voice. 

Rami pulled him in for a tight hug and began to tell Joe that he is far from pathetic and would never judge him. Gwil and Ben joined in giving Joe the confidence and reassurance he needs. He doesn’t know why he was so hesitant to tell them and feels quite silly for hiding it. Especially when hiding it clearly made things worse.

They talked for a bit more about John, the boys are shared the opinions on the bass player. All them agreed that he’s very good looking, incredibly kind and caring, and definitely fancies Joe back. Rami spoke about how John looked at Joe that Sunday while Ben explained how John told Roger he tried hard to make a great first impression. Joe couldn’t quite believe what they were saying, it felt like a fever dream. 

Joe explained how shy and reserved John is, always putting himself down and has zero self confidence. Rami whispered ‘sounds like someone I know’, a small little jab at Joe. Joe ignored Rami’s comment and gave them examples of John not wanting to keep the light on or him not wanting to see Joe’s body. Which Joe told them is fucking fine ass hell. Ben hit Joe on the head with a pillow for giving them the intimate details. Rami just shrugged, he’s way too used to Joe’s dirty comments at this point.

“He so fancies you! God you two are like a couple of teenagers. Just go talk to him and tell him how you feel,” Ben said nearly shouting. “Do it a Brian and Roger’s tonight, oh it’ll be so romantic.”

“He’s not going,” Joe said sounding exhausted.

This conversation has been draining since the start of it. While it feels good to get everything off his chest, Joe still feels a weight on his chest. The weight of genuinely not knowing what the shy bass player is thinking.

“Text him,” Ben said rolling his eyes. “Meet up and sort this out.”

Joe nodded to his mates, letting them know he’ll text him.

Rami pulled them all in for a group hug, thanking Ben and Gwil for helping him during a Joe Crisis. Joe knows Rami is playing around but he also knows that Joe does cause him a lot of stress. He’s hoping this is the last time he has to bother him with his boy trouble.

Once the three men left, Joe pulled out his phone and texted the older man.

_Hi John, it’s Joe. If you’re free tonight, I was wondering if you’d like to meet up and chat. I’m not going to Brian and Roger’s tonight so I’m free! Let know if you can or if another day works best._

Joe didn’t want to seem to eager in the text but he doesn’t want it to seem film and business related. He hit send and let out a deep breath. 14 minutes later, not that Joe was counting, John responded.

_Hello Joe. Tonight works for me. I can come by you or you can come by me. I had a rather overwhelming day and really don’t want to go out to a restaurant or a pub. If that’s okay with you._

Joe felt his heart tug at the text. He sent John his rented flats address and a time. He gathered his things and hailed a taxi, trying to put himself together and think about everything he needs to say and ask John. Also, mentally preparing to deal with the rejection in case John doesn’t have feelings for him.

He’s had that feeling that good things are coming for a while now. Now he’s gonna take Freddie Mercury’s advice and he’s gonna chase it until he has it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe talk about everything and things get sorta out between the two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr Mother_mercury44
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me! Trying to get better with updating but Dental Hygiene school is no fucking joke.

Joe tidy up his studio flat the best he could, he wasn’t really here much and the place was still a wreck all the time. He didn’t want to send John away screaming at the mess of his flat. He also was definitely trying to impress the man with his small space. He took a shower, changed into fresh clothes, and finally the nerves settled in. He had good 40 minutes before John arrived and he spent every single one of those minutes pacing around his flat.

He wanted to this to go well, which meant Joe had to do a few things. He had to decide what he wants. Joe doesn’t want this to just be a fling while he’s filming. Even if that’s all the older man wants, Joe can’t do that. His heart won’t allow it, knowing that it means nothing. Joe wants more. He wants to get to know John on a very personal level, not just knowing what makes him moan. He wants to be with John and he’s terrified that John might not feel the same way. There are some odds against them and they are by no means small odds. A 30 plus year age gap, the whole living an ocean apart from each other, and knowing how private John is. Joe can’t quite figure out what he could say if John brings up those arguments. Joe has to also think of everything he wants to say and ask John. He wants to tell the older man how he feels and ask John how he feels towards him. 

Joe knows he’s in for quite the evening.

John knocked on his door a few minutes early and Joe wasn’t surprised at all. They exchanged a small greeting and Joe led them to his small kitchen table.

“Thought you would be at Brian and Roger’s tonight,” John spoke first. 

“I have a lot on my mind and thought it would be best to not go,” Joe explained himself.

John complimented his studio flat and talked about how it reminded him of the early days of Queen. Joe smiled as John spoke. He doesn’t speak about Queen often but when he does, Joe burns every snippet into his brain. Joe figured it would be best not to avoid the reason he asked John over any longer.

“John, I want to talk about everything that has happened. And where things are going,” Joe said quickly, looking at the older man. “So I think we should just be honest with each other and go from there. Do you wanna go first or should I?”

‘You can go first.”

“Shit okay. I like you, John. Like since we first slept together and I thought about you a lot when I went back home. I thought I got rid of those feelings once I realized I would never see you again. Then realizing that I was playing you in this film and then actually meeting you made me have those feelings again. It’s not just cos you're John Deacon. It cos you cared for me in a way I have never been treated. It cos you're beautiful and kind. I think this is a good thing, John. And I’m not letting you go. Unless you don’t want me,” Joe rambled on. “I think we can make this work. I really want for this to work.”

Joe let out a breath after he finished talking and watched as John sat there wide eyed.

“When I told you I was giving you an out, I meant it. Joe, you don’t have to force yourself to like me. I can handle this like a man. We can be civil on set and not let anyone know what happened,” John said firmly. “Or if you want to hook up still to help the loneliness, that’s fine too.”

Joe should’ve known this wasn’t going to be easy. He’s talking to a man who didn’t want to let his one night stand see him naked with the lights on. He should’ve known diving straight in wouldn’t work. Talking to John was like talking to a battered animal. You have to approach with care and cannot make any sudden movements.

“John, do you like me? Cos I said I like you,” John asked slowly.

“I do, but I don’t need you to-” 

“Stop. I meant everything I said. I’m not doing this so filming isn’t weird or cos I’m taking pity on you. I sure as hell don’t want to just hook up with you. I like you for every reason I have already said and about 100 more reasons. I need you to believe me,” Joe said, reaching across the table to grab John’s hands. “Please.”

John didn’t respond right away but he also didn’t let go of Joe’s hands. So that must mean something. 

“We don’t have to rush into anything, we can get to know each other better first. I mean I got to you _pretty well_ already,” Joe smirked, hoping to ease the tension. “I want to know more about you. And not just the information I found out researching you for this role or the sex stuff. When we met in London, you let out a laugh and I found it so charming. All it made me want is to find out what makes you let out a big belly laugh cos I bet it’s just as perfect as your small laugh.”

Joe knows that isn’t the most romantic thing he could have said but he means it. There is so much more he would love to confess to John but he knows how delicate the situation is and he wants nothing more than to hear what John thinks. And when John still doesn’t answer, Joe takes it back into hands. Again.

“I know there’s a lot to talk about and figure out,” Joe explained. “So let’s do it together. Please John. Please talk to me.”

John ran his thumb across Joe’s hand before letting a deep breath.

“You really mean all that? You’re not just saying that to take the piss out on me?” John asked, his voice going flat. “Cos that’s not funny Joe, this is my life.”

“I mean everything and I’ll prove it to you if you’ll let me. When we first met at the pub, I couldn’t even listen to what you were saying cos I was just taken back by how beautiful you are. Still am taken back,” Joe explained, his voice trembling.

Something flashed across John’s face and whatever it is it ended with John flashing Joe a blinding smile. Joe smiled back, glad to have finally gotten through to the older man. He knows he probably has more convincing to do since John is terribly insecure and that it’s not going to be easy. But he’s taking this small victory. Especially since John looks so fucking cute when he blushes.

“I’m sorry Joe. It’s just been so long since I felt this way about someone and it’s hard for me to believe that someone as beautiful as you would want me back. I don’t mean to make this so difficult,” John explained. “We are going to have to discuss a few things to make sure we're on the same page. But I agree with you, I think this is a good thing and I want to make this work.”  
  
Joe squeezed John’s hand only letting go to cup the older mans face. “Yeah?” Joe asked, his lips grazing over John’s.

“Yes.”

Joe leaned into press a very chaste kiss to the older mans soft lips. It was an awkward position, Joe was leaned over the table. The edge of the table was pressing into his stomach. But Joe would stay here all night if it meant being here with John. It lasted only a short moment but it was filled with more passion than any kiss Joe has ever had. He can only hope John feels the same way about the kiss. And it was confirmed by the smile Joe saw as he pulled away from the kiss.

“So what's next? How do we make this work?” John asked quietly.

Joe got up from leaning across the table to stand in front of John. He reached out his hand for the older man to take and helped him up. 

“I was thinking if you aren’t doing anything tonight, you can stay over. We could order takeaway and just talk. Do it right this time,” Joe hesitantly said. 

He didn’t want to push John too far this early. He isn’t sure if they’re dating or what they are actually doing, so he’s not sure what John is comfortable with.

John gave him a slight nod and a quick smile.

The two men spent the evening sitting on the couch while drinking tea and chatting. Joe wasn’t expecting things to be perfect right away, so he is more than okay with the first date awkwardness. Which is odd since the first night they actually met John had screwed him like as if it were his God given right. They discussed how filming is going, something they have already talked about the last two times they spoke to each other. Joe mentioned to John that when they were first together in London, his agent told him about a film he was being considered for.

And that film was Bohemian Rhapsody. 

“You brought up a project with friends and not wanting to be involved. We were literally discussing the same thing. That’s fucking crazy,” Joe exclaimed.

“It’s rather funny how that happened,” John smirked. It seemed like he was still in disbelief over it.

Conversation seemed to flow a bit more naturally after that, still not the best it could be. But Joe will settle for it. Joe talked about his family and tried his best not to get emotional. His relationship with his brother is still being rebuilt, avoiding going into the graphic details of his last relationship. He didn’t need John judging him for being an idiot. Well not yet anyways. He talked briefly on his dads sickness and focused more on how lucky he is to have such a strong and amazing relationship with his dad. John took great interest in the things he was saying. Just like he did every time Joe spoke to him. 

“It’s hard being away from him. I talk to him every chance I get but it’s still not the same,” Joe explained, desperately trying to keep himself from crying. “I know he’s not going to make it. That doesn’t make it easier.”

John scooted over closer to Joe, their knees grazing each other ever so slightly. “I wish I could say something that could make things better. I know from experience how awful and repetitive it can get to hear the same four sayings from people. But I am here for you, no matter what you need. I promise,” John said resting his hand on Joe’s leg.

Joe smiles at the older man, placing a hand on top of John’s. He knew where this was coming from and who John was talking about. John wasn’t one to speak about Freddie often and very rarely ever mentioned when he was sick and his death. Even with the conversation taking a quick detour into a brief sadness, Joe felt just a tad bit better. He knows it must hurt like hell for John to open up like this. He also knows that John really really fucking means everything he is saying. And maybe even trust Joe enough to allow himself to be vulnerable.

Joe wrapped an arm around John’s waist and his head resting on John’s chest. They both fell into the back of the couch, snuggling up close together. Joe loved feeling the vibrations against his cheek as John spoke about his life these days. Joe could hear the bit a sadness in John’s voice as he talked about living alone. Even though his youngest boys visit him often along with the older ones and his grand-kids, John spends most his time alone. Writing music he doesn’t plan to show anyone, reading an endless amount of books, and lounging around the house catching up on years of relaxation he missed out on on his youth. 

“Before you laugh at my old man hobbies, I never had the time before. Even after I retired the two younger boys took a lot of my time,” John explained chuckling to himself. “Glad the days of chasing after children are over for me.”

Joe let out a fake laugh. 

A few things went through his mind. He knew the second he started to develop real feelings for John that there would be a few things talk about and obviously a few things he would have to accept. He knew they would have to discuss the rather obvious age gap. Joe wasn’t bothered by it for a hot second, not from the first moment he laid his eyes on him. He wasn’t sure what John thought about it, but he figured they would talk about it at point or another. He’s painfully aware of the obstacles that they’ll come across. Some being easy and some coming with unkind words from third parties. Joe understands he’ll have to be strong and hold his head high. He doesn’t give a shit as long as he’s happy.

But when Joe pictures his future and him being at his happiest; he pictures a husband he loves, a house they make a home, and a minimum of two children running around. He’s nearing 40, so he’ll settle for one. But if he can be honest, two is the dream. He knows that if things work out and he gets to spend his life with John, that he’ll have to give up that last bit of his dream. And yes, him ending up with John and having a house they can make home is enough for Joe. He accepted that John wouldn’t want kids cos of his age but having John confirm it still hurt. Especially since Joe had that pregnancy scare. Cos what if he ended up pregnant? It would have been different if it was from a different man. But he would have had to hide a pregnancy while filming cos _John Deacon is done chasing after children_. 

Joe didn’t realize he was lost in his own thoughts until John pulled his legs up on the couch and faced the younger man. “Joe, you’ve gone rather quiet,” John said raising an eyebrow. “But I can hear the cogs turning in your head.”

Shit, maybe he should have waited until he was alone in the shower to think these thoughts. He could be honest and let John know how he’s thinking but he risks moving too fast and scaring John away when he just got him.

“It’s _stupid_ ,”Joe said waiving his hand dismissively.

“Try me,” John said his very caring voice.

“When I got back from London, I had a pregnancy scare. Obviously I wasn’t pregnant,” Joe said mocking himself. He tried his best to ignore the way John’s eyes widen. “I haven’t slept with anyone besides you so you would have been the father. Later that night after I found out I wasn’t, I was researching for this role and realized that you were the man I slept with. And it was just weird, I don’t know. I’m just over thinking.”

“ _Oh_ ,” John responded. “I used a condom every time but I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

“I had Rami. We’ve been friends for over ten years and he’s helped me through worse,” Joe laughed, it wasn’t funny but he just couldn’t stand the awkwardness.

Joe was waiting for John to say something, literally anything.

He knows he shouldn’t have said that. Especially since John told him he’s done having kids. But Joe says dumb shit sometimes and he can’t take it back now. But John hasn’t gotten up and left him so it couldn’t have been the worse thing in the world. 

“Anyways, you hungry?” Joe asked, derailing the conversation before it turned into a train wreck. 

John ordered and paid for their takeaway. He joked how Joe paid for their room service in London and it was his turn to pay. They ate at the table while the conversation of pregnancy scares and children were forgotten about. A huge part of Joe wants to bring it back up but he put it to rest. He’ll cross that bridge when they come to it. Joe’s over romantic heart has him thinking about marriage and babies when he’s not even sure what him and John are doing. They agreed to give this a try, so Joe is focusing on that.

One damn mountain at a time.

John slept over and they cuddled through the night. Both men kept their hands above the waist but Joe did keep his bum firmly pressed against John’s crotch. Joe wasn’t sure if they were taking things slow, which doesn’t make sense since they slept together the first night they met. Joe didn’t mind, John had fucked him earlier in the day and his arse was still a bit sore. If Joe could be honest for a moment, having the older man pressed behind him and giving him a chaste good night kiss on the lips is better than sex. Falling asleep while feeling John’s breath on his neck is something he needs to feel every night. 

Every god damn night.

And waking up to John’s sleepy eyes and soft smile in the morning is something he also needs every morning. Cos damn is this man even more beautiful with the little bit of sunshine sneaking in through the blinds lighting up his face. 

Joe rolled over and gave the man a soft good morning kiss, neither one of them caring about their morning breath.

“Morning,” Joe said. His lips were still grazing over John’s mouth.

“Morning lovely,” John said followed by a large yawn. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Joe smirked, yawning back in the older mans face. “You look beautiful in the morning.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” John replied quickly.

They enjoyed their lie in, talking about the things they have coming up. Joe knows filming is going to get hectic and already knows he’s not going to be able to see John as much as he would like to. He casually brought it up to John, trying to hide the fact that he is a little upset. He doesn’t need to come across as a needy and whiny man. John explained to him his plans for the next few weeks, which are a trip to visit his grand-kids and doing some deep cleaning in the house. As much as Joe loves acting and working on this film, he almost wishes he was spending his time deep cleaning John’s house with him.  
  
“I should probably start getting ready to head to set,” Joe said with a sigh. 

John looked as if he was about to get out of bed so Joe decided to pull John closer to him. He’s not quite ready to part from the older man.

“Joe, you should get ready. Don’t get me wrong, it think your bedhead is rather charming,” John said smiling. “But not very presentable for a day a work.”

“Well maybe I should keep my hair like this,” Joe joked. His insides were on fire from John’s little comment. It made him blush like a virgin. “If it’s so charming.”

Joe noticed the looked that flashed across John’s face, his eyes widen just a bit more. John had a habit of showing what he felt on his face before saying the words. Joe liked and disliked that. It made it easier for him to know what John is thinking but it also left room for things to be misinterpreted. And Joe is one to jump to conclusions which is why he is now over thinking and freaking out that he may have made John uncomfortable. Which is the last thing he would ever want to do.

Joe sat up in the bed, staring down at John. He wanted nothing more than to just pounce on the older man and smoother him in kisses. John joined him sitting up in the bed and Joe could see how tense the older man is. 

“I know we never really said anything last night,” John started, no confidence in his voice. “But just what exactly are we doing? I know we said we were trying to make this work. Is this an open thing until we figure out just what were doing?”

Joe wants to this to work and most definitely does not want an open thing. If John wants that then Joe will just compromise. Joe knows he should be honest, even if it means him being vulnerable. Which isn’t the worst thing in the world.

“I haven’t been with anyone else since before we met in London. And I’m quite content keeping it that way. We don’t have to slap the label ‘boyfriends’ on each other right this second but I don’t want to be with anyone else,” Joe explained, trying his hardest to hold his ground. “Unless you don’t want that. Then I’m fine doing whatever.” 

Apparently not trying that hard. Cos he’s ready to ask how high if John told him to jump.

“I don’t really fancy you trying to charm anyone on set with your bedhead,” John said shyly. “I’d like it if we took things slow, since we had a jump start on our first meeting. And while we’re figuring things out and getting whatever this is off the ground, I don’t think we should tell anyone or sleep together.”

Joe’s heart was beating out of his chest. He could have sworn he actually floated off the ground at one point. His pupils were blown into the shape of a heart. John only wants him which is fucking amazing cos Joe only wants him. He’s not quite sure about the whole not telling people thing, but he knows how important John’s privacy is to him. He knows it has nothing to do with who he is as a person. Even though the over thinking part of his brain is telling him that’s the reason. He fully understands why John thinks they shouldn’t sleep together. They have to keep them separate until they figure it out or it makes it hard to figure out if they’re real feelings or sex feelings. 

Joe leaned over, slightly plopping himself onto John’s lap. Placing a few kisses along the older mans jaw while. He kept a steady hand on John’s chest, feeling John’s heartbeat. Burning the sound and rhythm into his brain, just cos he could.

“Sounds good. Sounds really fucking John,” Joe sighed dreamily. “I’m gonna miss your cock.”

John gave him a playful shove and then wrapped an arm against Joe’s waist, pulling him in for a hug. Joe loved the feeling of the older man placing kisses on the top of his head.

“I think you’ll live,” John said squeezing Joe’s waist. “I want to do this right and I’m going to try my hardest to make this not difficult. Just please be patient with me.”

Joe nodded into John’s chest, letting a stupid grin plaster across his face.

-

Joe felt like he was on cloud nine for the following month.

Filming was going well and they had no problems with anything on set. Which is great cos it seems like every day there is some problem or another. Joe and Ben spent the month unsuccessfully pranking Gwil. He caught on quickly since the other two weren’t as sneaky as they thought. The four boys had a ridiculous photo shoot while in their costumes. Joe usually struggled to get Rami on board with his photo shoots, but the his older friend complied without a single argument. 

It was a rather busy month and John, Roger, and Brian haven’t made it to the set. Joe’s secretly glad that he doesn’t have to pretend that him and John aren’t an item. Joe and John manage to speak on the phone at least once a day and constantly text each other throughout. The pair met for a fancy dinner a couple times and had a few more casual hang outs at Joe’s studio flat. He’s not sure why John has yet to invite him over to his home, but Joe is trying to not think about that. Every time he sees John, Joe’s heart flies out of his chest. They have gotten closer than Joe thought they could. John is a terribly private person but he has opened up to Joe rather quickly. Joe returned the favor by opening up back to him. 

They haven’t had sex since that day in the trailer. A few messy hand jobs and some heavy grinding, but nothing further. It’s quite nice to get to know each other without the pressure of sex. It would be nice to have some hot and steamy sex after a rough day of filming, but he’ll settle for a hand job and a heated snogging session. Joe isn’t complaining but he really misses John’s cock inside of him.

It wasn’t until a night at the pub that Ben finally brought up how everything went with John.

Joe wanted to tell them the truth. He wanted nothing more than to tell them that John does fancy him and they are giving this a go. He wanted to speak about how as much as he really wants to be with John, he knows there are some big ass mountains to get over. The main one being the whole baby situation. Especially cos Rami always knows what to say to calm him down.

“It was good, we talked for a bit and just decided to hold off for right now. Things are hectic with filming and he’s getting use to being sort of back in the public eye. We figured it’s best to just hit pause,” Joe lied. Well kinda lied. “We talked and it’s not gonna be awkward if he comes to set or anything anymore.”

Gwil gave him a soft pat and something in Ben’s eyes resembled sadness. It was hard to lie to the couple but it was even harder to lie to his best friend of ten plus years. Rami mumbled something under his breath. Joe didn’t quite catch it, all he heard was something along the lines of Jesus fucking Christ. Joe didn’t want to feed into Rami’s hatred for his crush on John Deacon so he changed the subject to him getting a perm in a few days. It did the trick and the night was spent going back to taking the piss out on each other and swapping stories from other projects they worked on. 

As great of a time Joe was having, he was really fucking missing John. He did what any drunk person does when they miss the person their with. Or the person they are trying things out with. 

**Joe: Out at the pub with the boys, missing you.**

He smiled at his phone waiting for a response, tuning out his friends as they talked about what happened at Roger and Brian’s the other night. Joe didn’t go with them, instead he spent the night watching movies and snuggling up to John. Usually Joe would have felt severely left out but not this time. Not when he spent his night snuggled up next to John, talking about everything under the sun.

_John: Enjoy yourself, lovely. Please be safe and drink some water. X_

Joe grinned as he read it in John’s stern voice.

**Joe: Well if I was with you tonight you could make sure I was safe and drinking water….**

_John: You could use your words, lovely. If you want me to get you tonight, let me know. Or please text me when you’re home. x_

**Joe: Please :)**

_John: Text me the address and I’ll scoop you in an hour. Until then, behave. X_

Joe sent John the address and started to mentally count the hour down. He knows it’s a bit shitty to count down till you’re departure when you are in a pub with some friends. But if they he could tell them, they would understand. Maybe not Rami so much, he’s always been harsh towards Joe in regards to how he handles relationships. Always falling too hard too damn fast, throwing any and all caution to the wind. He’s not sure if he has the official approval of John from the three men and John wouldn’t know if he told his friends about them. He knows how important trust is right now and he doesn’t want to do anything that gives John a reason not to trust him.

 _Jesus Christ_ , Joe thought to himself. He hadn’t realize nearly an hour had passed and was now patiently waiting for John to let him know he’s outside. He seemed to get a bit more drunk in the last hour than he intended onto. But oh well.

“You alright mate?” Ben asked with a laugh. “You were zoning out for a bit.”

“You spent the night either zoning out or texting, is it things back home?” Rami asked him sincerely. “Is the whole thing with John making you upset? Cos he knows you like him and then he shuts you down. Pretty shit move.”

Joe glanced down at his phone, to see a message from John that he’s outside. “Haha shit no. Everything is fine, just got a bit too drunk. My Uber is here, I’ll see you all on set.” Joe said, trying his best to ignore Rami’s comment about John.

Joe threw down some pounds on the table and went running out the door to meet John. More like stumbling out the door, but same thing.

Joe climbed into the front seat, taking John’s hand in his own, and pressed a sloppy kiss to it. “Thank you,” Joe said in a very playful voice.

The drive to Joe’s flat was short, but bumpy enough to make Joe wish he didn’t have those few pints. John helped him into the flat and into some pajamas. Joe made some dumb comment about John undressing him, which resulted in John giving him a playful slap on his bum. John put Joe in to bed with a glass of water and went to go make him a quick snack before bed.

Joe talked about how much he missed John this week and how things went on set this week. He repeated himself a few good times but he’s drunk and John didn’t seem to mind. Smiling at Joe from the kitchen and letting out a dreamy little laugh. Joe talked about how his deep cleaning went and he ended up getting rid of ton of things. He never fully unpacked when he moved house a few years ago, he finally went through all the boxes. John kept talking and Joe found himself getting a little too lost in the kindness of John’s voice.

Eventually, John settled on the bed with a plate of cheese on toast and a bag a crisps. John made him eat and drink, giving him a very caring look and telling him it’s good for him. Even though Joe’s stomach was protesting any food and drink, he knows John is right. John just wants what is best for Joe. Cos John really cares for him. He knows it’s the liquor making him more emotional than usual, he also knows that this is how he feels when he’s sober in the middle of the day.

“Rami thinks you’re a prick,” Joe said, _very_ out of context. 

John paused from helping Joe eat, his expression turning from confused to upset. “Oh.”

“He thinks when we talked the other day that you shut me down, so he thinks you’re a prick for doing that when you know I like you. But I couldn’t tell him that he’s wrong,” Joe said, a slight slur to his words while he closed one eye. He thought it might help him focus better. Not that it was helping. “Cos you’re not a prick. You’re the nicest fucking man I have ever met. I’ve never had someone treat me like you do. Or call me beautiful or a lovely thing. When you call me lovely in your accent I just about die on the spot. Cos you’re so fucking handsome, I can’t believe you’re taking on chance on me and on this.”

John placed the plate on the bedside locker and laid down on the bed. John opened his arms for the younger man to snuggle up into him. Joe never asked him to spend the night, but John must know the drill by now. Joe is too needy to be left alone at night. He closed both eyes and tried to focus on John’s words and not he fact that the room was now spinning.  
  
“Not sure if I’m the nicest man you met, you are a very lovely man and can charm your way into anyone treating you kindly. I don’t quite believe you about the me being handsome part, but you are beautiful Joe. And since your drunk and probably won’t remember I’ll let you know that I’m waiting anxiously for the text or call from you when you realize that you can do better than me. Cos my life has been so much brighter since I met you,” John said, rubbing Joe’s back and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Cos I’d quite like for us to be a relationship but I don’t want to hold you back from being with a fit and younger lad. Not an old man who with old man baggage.”

Joe’s heart sunk with sadness. He caught on from the first time they met that the older man is insecure and Joe wants it to be his mission to prove how much he wants him. He knows he’s too drunk to carry on this conversation but not too drunk that he won’t remember this in the morning. 

“I’ve been thinking about being in a relationship with you since the first time you snuggled up behind me,” Joe admitted, thanking the liquor for helping him admit his feelings. He sat up from John’s arms and looked deeply into John’s eyes. “So let’s do it. Please John. You can wait for the other shoe to drop but it’s not going to. I pinky promise.”

Joe stuck out his pinky to John. John ignored the pinky and pulled him in for a small kiss. Nothing too heated, more sensual than anything. Joe knew John was too much of a gentleman to sleep with him while he’s piss drunk. Joe also knows there’s no way he could stay awake long enough for anything to get started. He smirked into John’s lip thinking about how lucky he is to have such a gentleman as a boyfriend.

_Boyfriend._

Joe pulled away and settled back down into the bed. Waiting for his boyfriend to scoop him into his arms. The only way he wants to fall asleep.

Waking up the next morning with a god awful hangover was worth it cos his boyfriend was snuggled up behind him.

“I’m not exactly sure what I said last night but I briefly remember you finally agreeing to being my boyfriend,” Joe said, not turning around. 

He knew the older man had to be up, John is quite the early riser. The shuffling behind him and the light laugh was enough to confirm it. Joe sat up in bed, ignoring the fact that his head was filled with concrete, and waited for John’s response. 

“I did agree to that, which was terrible of me since you were piss drunk. Are you sure you want this?” Joe asked, not moving from his spot in the bed. 

“It’s not what I want John. You and this, it’s what I need,” Joe said, hoping he didn’t come across pathetic.

Joe knew John wasn’t going to allow them to go any further without talking about the few elephants in the room. And he’s glad he has the next few days off from filming so they can talk properly and enjoy each others company uninterrupted.

Joe took some pain killers and a shower while John prepared them both breakfast. Joe didn’t have much food and was always quite impressed with how John could cook something out of nothing. And liked very much John was very quick to make sure Joe is taken care of.

John joked about the things drunk Joe did from the previous night. Joe could feel his face burning in shame, not wanting to come across as some teenager who had his first beer. John explained to him that everyone has their rough nights and even told Joe some his more embarrassing drunk stories. John’s stories made him less embarrassed and filled the flat with laughter, Joe knew it wasn’t going to last long. When John moved them both to the couch with two cuppas in his hands, he knew John wanted to get down to business. Joe took it in his hands to start the conversation, wanting to prove to John that this is what he wants.

“So what would you like to tackle first?” Joe asked casually. Even though he was everything but casual. “Cos I have some strong arguments and I’m not going anywhere. In case you think you’re getting rid of me.”

Joe was hoping that his playful demeanor would hint to John not make this more serious than it needs to be. Yes, they are discussing their future together and it should be taken seriously. But Joe doesn’t want this to feel like a business agreement. He wants this to feel natural, like it’s meant to be. Cos Joe knows that this is meant to be.

“I’m 32 years older than you Joe. I definitely get the better end of the deal with the age gap, I don’t want you to regret this in a few years. You'll look at me and realize you settled,” John admitted. “And you’re old enough that I don’t have to give you the ‘we don’t live forever’ speech. We’re not going to grow old together, don’t you want someone by your side 50 years from now? That’s not fair to you.”

Joe’s aware that if things worked out he’ll be a relatively young widow. That he’ll experience the worst kind of heartache and have to live in a world without him for a while. And as morbid as it sounds, Joe is okay with that. As long as it means that he gets to spend every second until then with John.

“I don’t care about you being 32 years older than me, I never cared about that. And while we're tackling things I’m gonna need you to stop acting like I have no right to be attracted to you. We both are getting a fucking awesome deal out of this, okay?” Joe exclaimed, trying his best to stay calm, cool, and collective. “I’m painfully aware all the morbid side of the age gap. It’s unfair for you to want to end things just cos eventually one day you’ll be gone. I think we should just take what we have and make the absolute most out of it. Cos a life with you is a life worth living, John.”

Joe could hear his voice cracking and tried his best to keep his tears in his eyes. He set his cuppa down and reached out to take John’s hands in his owns. John was still looking at the ground and Joe thought maybe John might think it’s not worth it. When John’s eyes finally met Joe’s and John gave his hand a firm squeeze, Joe realized that for the first time him and John are on the same page.

John spoke a little bit more of his concerns about their age gap. Letting Joe know that people might have harsh things to say and the press will have no problem tearing into their relationship. Joe reassured him he doesn’t care what names he gets called. It’ll be worth it as long as he has John. 

Joe loved seeing the huge grin on John’s face as he reassured the older man. 

“What about living an ocean away from each other? I know it works now for us since you’re filming over here. But what about after? I can’t ask you to move over to London, cos I wouldn’t move to New York. Ever think about that?” John asked, Joe could hear the tremble in his voice. 

“There’s still a bit of filming left, so it’ll be easy now. Once it’s over with, I have to go spend more time at home and see my dad. But I’m okay with doing long distance for a bit and I’d love to move to London. That is if later on you want me to,” Joe answered. He tried keeping the excitement in his voice down. He didn’t need to seem too eager about up rooting his life for his boyfriend. “We can make this work John.”

“You think so?” John asked timidly.

“Yes I do. Now we’ve been doing this for hours and I have a migraine,” Joe smirked.

John pulled Joe down so his head was resting in the older mans lap. “That’s the hangover, lovely.” John said rubbing Joe’s back and kissing the top of his head. “You rest for now.”

Joe let out a soft ‘ _Mhm_ ’ and drifted off to sleep in his boyfriends lap. His whole body warm and tingly knowing that John is just as invested in this as he is.

-  
  
The two men spent the week in Joe’s flat. John insisted on running to shop to pick up actual food. Joe volunteered to stay home, not wanting the two of them to be spotted in public just yet. But other than that, the two have been attached at the hip in the flat. They still haven’t had sex and Joe’s going slightly mad. He hasn’t brought it up to the older man since John was the one who said they should hold off. So it’s on John to initiate sex.

They spoke about it briefly, John told Joe he’s okay with them being pubic just not quite yet. He wants to tell his children and a few other people first. Joe understands. He needs to tell his parents and siblings. He’s dreading telling the cast, well mainly Rami. Things have been going smoothly just the two of them in their own little perfect bubble. Joe doesn’t want anything to pop it. So staying cooped up in the flat, is perfect to him.

Joe hasn’t been great at responding to texts or returning phone calls. He has plenty of texts and missed calls from the boys, but he couldn’t be bothered to respond right away. He does make it a point to speak to his parents once a day. He hasn’t brought up his relationship with John. He’s not sure what his parents might think and he doesn’t want them to have any added stress on top of his dads illness. 

On Friday, Ben had called him and when Joe didn’t answer he received a rather strongly worded text.

_Ben: Joe, if you don’t get back to me I will be phoning the police to do a well being check. I’ve have already prepared myself for them to tell me that you’re dead since that is the only reason that makes sense on why you have been ignoring us all. And if you’re not dead and just being a dick, please prepare yourself cos I’ll be kicking your arse to a bloody pulp._

Joe let out a deep sigh that caught John’s attention.

“Everything okay lovely?” John asked kindly.

“I think Ben’s mad at me, I mean he has every right to be. But I think I should go see him,” Joe said rubbing his eyes.

John wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You can tell him, it’s going to cause more problems if you keep hiding it. Why don’t you tell all the boys.”

“Yeah? You really don’t mind? Cos I respect your privacy and that’ll come first before-”

“Joe, if this is going to work people are going to have to know. I’m willing to give up certain things if that means if I can be with you.” John said certainly.

Joe let out a smile and planted a kiss to the older mans lips before returning to his phone.

  
**Joe: I’m so sorry Benny, I’ve been a shitty friend. I’ll explain if you’ll let me. Let all get together for a few drinks? My treat.**

_Ben: Damn right you’re paying. Come by mine and Gwil’s place around 5. Love you, you bloody wanker._

**Joe: love you too <3**

John offered to drop Joe and pick him up. Once they pulled in front of Ben’s building John kissed the younger man goodbye and wished him luck.

“Thanks, John. And you know what? You should probably tell Brian and Roger,” Joe said as he got out of the car.

John looked down at the steering wheel and his face went red. “I’ve been keeping them updated on everything since that Sunday Tea,” John admitted.

Joe couldn’t be mad at the older man if he tried. It must’ve been hard for John to figure this all out on his own.

Joe playfully shook his head at John and blew him a quick kiss before heading inside the building. Mentally preparing himself for the overdue conversation with his mates.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe talks to his boys and things get cleared up. John and Joe's relationship evolves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr Mother_mercury44

Ben let Joe into his flat without saying a word. Joe took a seat on the couch opposite of his three mates, none of them spoke a word but stared intensely. 

“I’m terribly sorry I’ve been the worlds shittiest friend and I’m gonna make it up to you guys. You’re like my brothers,” Joe said breaking the silence.

Ben aggressively nodded his head, only stopping when Gwil physically stopped his head. Rami let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes hard enough for them to pop out. Joe wasn’t sure if he should continue or let them tear him a new one first. When the latter didn’t happen, Joe figured he would have to keep going. 

He knew he had a lot to explain and explained everything in grave detail. Not letting room for anything to be misinterpreted or lost in translation. He’s been pining after John since that first night in London and has been a right mess since then. His friends, who have been nothing but the kindest human beings to him, deserve a proper explanation. Had he spoke to them about everything since day one, he could have avoided all this unnecessary drama. Just like if he was honest with John that Sunday tea over a month ago, they could have started their relationship drama free a month ago. 

Joe has made a mental note that from here on out he will be open and honest, even if it means being vulnerable and risking everything. 

As much as he cares for John, he could have done without the mess. He’s sure he shaved years off his life and his probably going gray.

“So when you three had that intervention in my trailer, the day I told you about John, he came over to my flat that night. We talked every through and he stayed the night. We decided to give this a go, but he wanted us to keep things quiet. Not wanting any of this to get out, you know how private he is,” Joe explained, voice trembling slightly.

Joe continued to talk about fancy dinners and them hanging out at the flat together. Cooking and laughing together like cheesy movie. And explaining that anytime him and John were apart they would constantly text or chat on the phone. How him and John just click and work rather well together. Thinking the same thing and laughing at the same dumb movies. Joe told them all about when he left the pub early cos John picked him up and spent the night taking care of him. And taking care of him into the next day. He finished with telling them that he and John are officially dating.

Joe swallowed thickly and tried to keep his cheeks from getting red as he called John his boyfriend. It has to be one of his favorite things to say my boyfriend. And it feels good to say it to someone other than John.

Joe barely looked up while explaining himself, but when he did he saw Ben’s goofy smile plastered across his face. Gwil listened while giving Joe reassuring nods and smiles. He only met Rami’s gaze once and he knew exactly what his best friend was thinking. That he speaks this way about every guy he meets and that in a few short months, Rami will be picking up a brokenhearted Joe off the bathroom floor. Joe wants to convince him that this time is different, but he told Rami that a handful of times before.

“So you’re dating John Deacon?” Ben asked firmly. “That’s it? That’s the reason you’ve been acting like a wanker? I thought you were bloody depressed or something.”

Joe gave Ben a confused nod, he wasn’t sure if the blond man was missing something from the speech he just gave.

“And you’re happy?” Gwil chimed in.

Joe nodded again. 

“Alright, that’s bloody amazing. I’m happy for you! I’m gonna need all the details since you left me in the dark for so long. But we’ll save that for another time,” Ben said smiling.

“Nothing crazy has happened, just getting to know each other and hanging out. He’s great, he really is. I didn’t think that the one night stand would evolve into this but I’m so fucking glad it did,” Joe sighed happily. “Ya know?”

Joe talked more about him and John, answering all of Ben’s questions. The younger man had well over a hundred. Some getting way too involved in the intimate parts of their relationship. Putting a stop to the questions once Ben asked if “John is well endowed”. Cos that’s definitely a conversation for when the two are alone and Joe can ask intimate questions about Ben and Gwil. 

Joe tried to ignore how Rami stayed awfully quiet. He remained silent after Joe first finished telling them, didn’t even give him a fake smile.

Even with Rami continuing to withdraw himself from any conversation about John, Joe still had a great time. John had texted him to ask him if he needs a ride and Joe quickly responded with not yet. He didn’t want to leave his boys just yet, he forgot what a grand time he can have with them when he isn’t hiding so many secrets about his personal life.

The beer ran out and Joe offered to run down to a shop to pick up more. He only offered knowing Rami would ask to come with. Which wasn’t cos Rami didn’t want Joe going alone, Rami wanted to talk to him one on one. 

There was a slight chill in the air as they walked down the street, luckily the beer and tension kept him warm.

One their way back, Joe decided to bite the bullet and start the dreaded conversation.

“You’re mad,” Joe snorted.

Rami let out a huff. 

“You rolled your eyes so many times, I’m surprised they haven’t fallen out yet. Just spit it out man,” Joe said firmly. When Rami kept walking Joe continued on. “Go on. Tell me I’m stupid for falling for him or how you know in a few months you’re gonna have to mend my broken heart. That I fall too hard and too fast. I lost track of how many guys dumped me or cheated on me, but you probably remember cos you were there after it happened. Did I hit the nail on the head? Please let me know if I’m forgetting something.”

Joe knew he was being a dick, he couldn’t help it. Rami, who is his best friend friend for over ten years, has been everything but a best friend. And very selfish if Joe might add. Joe will be forever in Rami’s debt for everything he has done. For all the times he listened to Joe cry his eyes out at 4 am. For every time he picked up Joe from a pub after Joe fought with a boyfriend over something stupid. For being the only reason Joe is still standing on both his feet after his break up with Greg. Even though Rami had even reason to leave him behind.

Rami stopped in the middle of the street, pulling Joe back when he kept walking. Joe faced him, waiting for a parade of insults to be thrown at him.

“You think I’m mad you’re with John? Joe, I’m so fucking happy that you’re with John. Yeah, don’t get me wrong I thought he was leading you on or using you for sex for a bit. But maybe if you talked to me and let me in, I would have known and not been pissed at at the wrong man. I’m mad that you left me in the dark,” Rami said. His voice was thick with emotion, like he’s been holding this all inside. “After everything with Greg, I finally thought I got my best friend back. Then we get on set and you become best buddies with Ben. Practically leaving me again. Then this this whole John thing. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”

Joe was caught off guard to say the least. He hadn’t put much thought into Rami and Rami’s feelings. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t treating Rami different. 

Joe explained rather quickly that when Rami and Lucy first started dating, Joe felt like a constant third wheel. It didn’t help that it was around the same time as his break up with Greg, so he went from having all of Rami’s attention to splitting it with Lucy. Joe stopped bothering Rami with all his drama and problems. Not wanting to keep bothering him and Lucy, he started getting closer with Ben. He explained how Ben could never replace him and he’s sorry if he made Rami feel that way. 

“As for John, I’m sorry man. It was all so new and everything happened so chaotically. If it was literally anyone else, I would have told you the minute it happened. Promise,” Joe finished.

Rami pulled Joe in for a very long and very overdue hung, right there on the London sidewalk. Maybe it was the liquor that was making him over emotional, maybe it’s everything going back to normal. Either way Joe didn’t care that he had tears welling up his his eyes as his best friend hugged him tighter.

-

Over the next few days, Joe had to return to set and John made a joke about having to go back to his house for the first time in over a week. Even after spending all this time attached at the hip, Joe still doesn’t want to leave his boyfriend. And while boyfriends in the past made fun of him and hated how clingy he was, John seems to adore it. John will text him random updates throughout the day, just little reminders to let Joe know that he is thinking about him.

On set, things have turned around completely. After Joe and Rami had their heart to heart, they two have been back to how things use to before Greg. Joe no longer feels like a liar since he doesn’t have to hide John anymore. He hasn’t gone as far as telling the crew, but in good time. He knows he needs to tell his family, which he knows he needs to do sooner rather than later. Joe is aware that what happens if you keep things a secret from the people you love. It’ll most definitely without a doubt end up terribly.

But for now he’s focusing on the fact that he can talk about his relationship with John to his friends. Then he gets to end the day either snuggled up next to John or snuggled up alone on face time with John. Either way things are going great and Joe can’t stop smiling. 

“You’re such a different bloke when you’re not so bloody frantic 24/7,” Ben joked while they were both in hair and make-up. “Like a whole new Joe.”

“Yeah it’s nice not having to hide from you guys. And John told me that he told Brian and Roger that Sunday tea,” Joe explained. “He hasn’t said much of what they thought besides that they’re happy and glad John is happy. So that’s good cos I would assume if they didn’t approve, John would be hesitant to continue on.”

“Roger’s probably waiting till he sees you in person. Gonna ask you loads of questions like he’s John’s father. Brian says Roger always been protective of John, it was hard on Roger after John retired and stopped nearly all contact with them. You have a lot to do with him coming back into the world,” Ben said with a smile.

Joe wasn’t quite convinced that he is the whole reason John has come back out. He knows a very tiny part of it is thanks to him, but he can’t be the whole reason. A man who spent the last 20 years in retirement, avoiding most social contact, would not throw away his privacy and change his life for someone like Joe. But it’s a nice thought to think that way.

-

“John,” Joe said, while sitting on his kitchen counter as John cooked them dinner.

“Yes Lovely,” John answered with a sweet smile.

“I was thinking of phoning my parents and siblings soon and telling them about us,” Joe said mostly into his glass of wine. “Mainly my parents. My siblings can wait.”

John turned from the stove and cocked his head at him. “You haven’t told them?”

Joe shook his head no and poured himself some more wine. He wasn’t sure why John was so surprised. He told John he was waiting and didn’t want to add any added stress to his family back home.

“I think that would be nice. How do you think they’ll take it?” John asked, topping off his glass.

“I think they’ll be happy, my parents have always been supportive of my and my siblings. My mom will probably want to talk to you one of these days,” Joe smirked, he felt terribly childish but couldn’t careless. “My brother might want to murder you and my sister won’t care. So we can hold off that or just let me my mom break the news.”  
“Whatever works for you lovely. I’m planning on talking to Veronica and the kids this weekend,” John explained. “Then I don’t care who knows, you can tell whoever you want.”

“Yeah? I get to brag about my good looking English boyfriend,” Joe smirked.

“Just no pictures?” John hesitantly asked.

“Of course,” Joe said puckering his lips.

John let a deep laugh and walked over to kiss Joe on the lips. Joe can never get enough of how John’s lips feel against his own. Joe placed his hands around John’s neck and deepened the kiss. He loves how quickly John is to grab his waist firmly, as if he’s holding on for dear life. He had no control over the soft moans that escaped his mouth. He didn’t care, not when John greedily swallowed them up.

Joe pulled away, desperately needing some air. He let his forehead rest against the older mans and smiled at John. He felt little tipsy from the wine and his confidence was sky rocketing.

“John,” Joe sighed. “Why haven’t we slept together since that time in my trailer? We fucked more times as strangers than we have as a couple.”

Joe knew he was being forward and that John might shy away. Joe knows that if he doesn’t ask now, he’ll blow up one night when he’s particularly sexually frustrated and he risks upsetting John. John backed a few feet from Joe, his cheeks flushed. Joe tried to ignore the blood rushing to his cock. 

“It’s silly,” John said shyly.

Joe took a page of of John’s book. “Try me.”

John turned the burners off and took the dish out of the oven, clearly trying to take up time. Joe let him do it, whatever it takes to get the older man to tell him. After a couple minutes of John getting dinner set, he grabbed Joe’s hand to help him off the counter and brought them to table. 

John still ignored the question at hand as he talked about an issue he’s having with the painters at his house and them helping themselves to his tea. He told them he has no problem with them wanting tea, but he’d rather they ask first before just being bold and helping themselves. Joe joked about that being the most British thing he’s ever heard and John let out little belly laugh. Causing Joe’s heart to soar.

Once they had another glass of wine and both plates were cleared, Joe raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, waiting for an explanation. He had given John enough time and was tired of waiting.

“You can’t laugh,” John said firmly.

“Promise babe.”

“At first, I genuinely wanted to wait. I thought it would be best for us,” John explained, picking at the food on his plate. “Cos we only slept together as strangers and that one time in your trailer. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to meet your needs or maybe you would be turned off by me. Sleeping with a stranger is easy, you don’t care or think too much. It’s easy to be turned on by someone you’ll never see again. I was being selfish and didn’t want to risk losing you if the sex wasn’t good or if you forgot I don’t look like I did back in the day.”

Joe had to restrain his jaw from dropping and hitting the older man for thinking like that. Joe knew from that first night how insecure John is. John has made several comments about his age and his body showing obvious signs of age. Joe notices them, how could he not when he spends every moment he’s with John staring at the older man. He never looks at John and sees his flaws. He sees everything he loves about the older man. Every part of the mans body he wants to smoother in kisses and little love bites. Joe made a promise to himself to try his best to get John to see just how beautiful and perfect he really is.

“John, you’re right. That’s a very silly thing to say,” Joe said with a playful smile, reaching out to grab John’s hand. “You don’t have to ever worry about not being able to please me in the bedroom. Do I have to bring up that embarrassing moment of me coming from just your fingers like I was a virgin? I’ve never had anyone make me feel as good as you do in the bedroom. And how fucking sweet and kind and caring you are to me outside the bedroom, puts me over the edge. The other day when you took overly care of when I had that migraine, I wanted to get down on my knees and blow you.”

Joe loved watching John blush whenever he made a dirty comment. It always made him giggle how John acts rather innocent when Joe knows from experience he is anything but.

“And for you body John, I want to kiss every single inch of you. Let me do it. Let me kiss every inch of you,” Joe said lustfully.

It happened in a blur, Joe isn’t sure who lunged at who first or who dragged them to the bed. He doesn’t even remember being shedding his clothes. He hovered over John, kissing every inch of his body. Peppering John’s soft stomach with kisses and marking him up with love bites. He squeezed John’s ass, kneading the meat of it. Joe ran his hands through the gray hair on John’s head and chest. John must’ve believed him cos he pushed Joe down flat on the flat.

Joe’s on his back pulling John down for a kiss. A kiss that is going to lead more to than just a hand job. Joe moaned filthily into John’s mouth once the older man wrapped his hand around his cock. Giving a few firm strokes that made Joe arch his back off the bed. John only stopped for a moment to retrieve a condom and the bottle of lube from the bedside locker.

“Spread those legs, lovely. Gonna make you feel good,” John growled and Joe obscenely spread his legs. “Perfect. So beautiful.”

John peppered the inside of Joe’s thighs with kisses as he slowly sunk a finger into Joe’s tight heat. John used his free hand to lazily stroke Joe’s cock, which Joe was glad he was holding back. Cos he’s quite sure if he went any faster they would have a repeat of their first night together when Joe came only minutes after getting started. 

“Please, John. Another one,” Joe begged through his moans.

He saw a cheeky grin flash across John’s face and Joe was rewarded with another finger sinking in. Joe started to grind down on John’s fingers and John got the hint to speed up and scissor his fingers inside Joe. 

It took a few minutes for John to find his prostate and with was worth every minute of waiting when John hit it. Joe let out a choked moans and John hit it with nearly every thrust. John sneakily pressed in a third finger at some point of Joe coming undone.

“M’ready,” Joe said. It sounded more like a whine and not a moan.

“Probably not gonna last long. It’s been a while,” John admitted, pulling his fingers out and rolling a condom on.

John slicked his cock up, hitched Joe’s legs around his waist, and lined his erection up at Joe’s entrance.

John pushed in slowly, giving the younger man time to adjust to his length. Once Joe gave John the go ahead to move, John started to thrust slowly before picking up his speed. 

Joe moaned and let of soft oh oh ah ah’s, while John nuzzled his face into Joe’s neck, sucking a bit too harshly. It’s clear they both were missing being this intimate with each other. The way John held possessively onto Joe’s hip, like he was never letting the his boyfriend go. Joe tightened his legs around John, pressing his foot into John’s bum. Joe knew he missed sex and sex with John, but he forgot how much he missed having sex with someone he cares about.

“I’m close,” John said panting, leaning down to kiss Joe on the lips. “Touch yourself Joe, come on my cock.”

Joe jerked himself in time with John’s thrust.

Joe knew he wasn’t gonna last much longer. The moans and grunts coming from the older man and the sound of skin slapping against skin was just the hottest sound ever. 

“Fuck,” John said, thrusting a few more times as he spilled into the condom. His hips stilled for a moment as he caught his breath. “Sorry, lovely. I tried to hold off.”

John ran his hand through Joe’s hair before collecting himself. John wrapped his hand around Joe’s cock, firmly stroking it while whispering sweet nothings into the younger mans ear. It only took a minute later for Joe to spill into John’s hand. 

His orgasm knocked the life out of him for a hot minute and he came back to a very naked John cleaning him up with a damp cloth. He loved their post sex routine, him laying there half dead from his orgasm while John cleans him up like the English gentleman he is.

Snuggled up under the blanket, Joe let his head rest on John’s chest. Squeezing him tight and kissing his chest sweetly.

“You don’t have to apologize for finishing first,” Joe said quietly.

He felt the older man tense up, he knew it must be over his insecurity of thinking he can’t satisfy the younger man in bed. He had no idea why the John thought that way. Joe couldn’t fake those moans if he tried to.

“Joe, I-”

“Oh just shh! I should be apologizing for my tight ass. Must be hard to control yourself when it’s buried inside me,” Joe said playfully.

His boyfriend rub his back and kissed the top of his head. “Very hard, I’ll just need to practice to get better with my self control,” John said with a yawn.

-

Joe chickened out telling his parents three times. Every conversation with them when the same. He’d ask how his dad is doing and his mom always sugar coated the struggles she faced. Joe knew she did it so he wouldn’t feel guilty about being an ocean away. He’d then tell him mom about filming and cheer them up with fun little stories from his week. Then a lull in the conversation would appear and Joe would start to build the courage he needed to tell them out his relationship with John. Then he’d chicken out and talk about literally everything else but that.

He didn’t know why he was so nervous to tell him, his parents were never the type to judge him. In fact, they always encouraged him to go after what makes him happy.

One day when John was at his own home and Joe was alone in his flat, he called his mom to tell her. His dad was napping and he is secretively glad that his mom will be the one to tell him later. They spoke for a bit about his siblings and his mom told him he needs to talk to his brother more. Joe was glad they weren’t video calling and she couldn’t see him roll his eyes dramatically. He quickly moved away from that subject and dove straight into the reason he called.

“So mom, I’ve sorta been seeing someone for a little bit now. It’s still fresh so I didn’t want to tell you or dad right away,” Joe rambled quickly. “And also cos it’s John Deacon.”

A silence fell between them and Joe wished that it was because of a lost connection that caused the call to drop. And not that his mom is at a loss for words cos her son is dating the 66 year old man he is playing in a movie. 

“I didn’t mean to drop it on you like that, but I just wanted to get it out. It’s a rather long story of how we got together and slightly complicated. We were keeping it a secret then the boys thought I was depressed and Rami got mad at me for a while. But I am so happy with him and I hope you’re happy for me,” Joe said, filling the silence.

“Oh Joe, of course I’m happy for you! I’m a little surprised and am going to need all the details. As long as you’re happy and he treats you well, I don’t care who you’re with. You know how much I love you,” she said in her typical soothing mother voice. “I know when your father wakes up he’ll say the same thing.”

“Yeah I’m hoping you’ll tell him and Mary and John. Save me the trouble,” Joe only half joked.

He gave his mom a cleaned up version of their story, definitely leaving out the sexy details of their story. He talked about John and the things him and John do together. He had a big dumb grin plastered across his face as he spoke about the things they have in common and how their humor is the same. He talked about how John is kind to him and makes him smile even on his shittiest days. He explained how after a phone call with her and his dad, he was upset about being so far away from them. John took care of him and let him cry and ramble on story after story about about his dad.  
After rambling about his boyfriend for nearly an hour, Joe and his mother said their goodbyes. Joe immediately phoned John to let him know it went well which ended with a bit of phone sex. Since they had sex last, Joe had wasted no time jumping John’s bones at any given moment or sending him a dirty text during the day. Their relationship was going well before they started having a sex again and now it’s even fucking better than Joe could ever imagine.

Sweet and sensual sex for when Joe just wants to be held and taken care of. Hard and fast sex for when Joe needs the stress of his day to be fucked out of him. Sleepy morning sex when both of them have God awful morning breath but couldn’t careless about it. And all the other kinds of sex in between for whatever reason. But Joe’s favorite part of having sex with John again has to be just being as close and intimate with his boyfriend as he can be. Having sex with a person he trust to take care of him and make him feel good when he’s at his most vulnerable.

-

A few weeks later, Rami invited the boys over to his rented flat to hangout after a stressful week of filming. Joe knows it’s definitely his excuse to get Joe to bring John around them. Joe hasn’t been hiding him by any means, he is just aware that the older man would prefer not being going out and about if he doesn’t have to. Which is why Joe was shocked when he told John about the get together at Rami’s and John’s face lit up. 

John insisted on stopping at a shop to buy wine and flowers and once he finished they called a taxi to head over to Rami’s. 

“I’m excited for tonight, get to see you and the boys together finally. Hopefully Rami still doesn’t hate me,” John said nudging Joe. 

“He’s excited to meet you. I’m gonna be honest he’s always been tough on my boyfriends,” Joe said nervously. He grabbed John’s hand and placed a soft kiss to it. 

“I think I can handle it.”

Joe’s fears of how Rami might behave towards John went out the window the second Rami greeted them at the door. Rami pulled in Joe for breaking hug that nearly knocked Joe off his feet. Joe watched as John stuck his hand out for Rami to shake and Rami dismissed John’s hand and pulled John in for a bear hug.

Rami lead them into his flat and was greeted by Lucy who was bring glasses to the coffee table. Lucy greeted the two of them, Joe reintroducing John. He knew he had to make it a point to reintroduce John to his friends. Cos he’s no longer John Deacon, former bass player of Queen. He is John, Joe’s boyfriend. And the latter is more important to Joe.

Ben and Gwil showed up and Ben immediately poured everyone drinks. Rami sat across from John, asking him questions that seemed random, though Joe knew exactly what he was doing. Rami did this to all of Joe’s previous boyfriends and John is not exception. Ben chimed in occasionally with a story about Joe from the set, going way into detail about Joe complaining about having to get a perm. Joe’s perm is still going strong and he’s been debating just shaving his head to get rid of it.

“The poor bloke was so upset over it, whined like a little girl about it. You like it right, John?” Ben asked playfully.

“I quite like perms, though they’re not in style like they used to be. Joe looks better than I did,” John said, pressing a kiss to Joe’s temple.

Joe gave his boyfriend an enormous smile.

“Are you two done flirting?” Gwil asked, tossing a pillow at Joe’s head. Joe stuck his tongue out at Gwil and scooted even closer to John.

The drinks went down smooth and two hours later everyone had a steady buzz. Ben seemed to grow very fond of John, talking to him about absolutely everything and anything. Joe loved the smile across John’s face and the way John let out his belly laugh. He couldn’t be happier about his friends getting on so well with his boyfriend. 

“So John,” Rami began. “Now that we broke the ice and all met, does that mean that you’ll stop hiding Joe at your house?”

Joe froze in his seat, he isn’t sure how John will respond to Rami’s banter. It’s all in good fun but everything is still so new.

“Good one Rami,” John laughed. “Joe’s the one keeping us camped out in in his flat. Won’t let me leave to go home ever.”

Joe’s face flushed with embarrassment. He knew John’s joking but putting it into perspective of how clingy Joe is in relationships is embarrassing. He knew John didn’t mind.

“Why don’t you just split your time between each other places? John your house has to be nicer than Joe’s crappy flat,” Ben said, raising an eyebrow.  
John went noticeably tensed and Joe took it upon himself to change the subject. He talked about how Roger and Brian were having people over soon. And soon the room was filled with stories from the last time they were over there. John stayed present in the conversations but Joe could see that he was far from listening.

Joe didn’t bring it up on the taxi ride home.

He waited until John was cuddled up behind him to bring up what happened. When Joe asked why John tensed up and zoned out after Ben mentioned John’s house, John let out a deep sigh.

“I moved house a few years ago, more private and I wanted to downsize. I never really unpacked or decorated. I was in a bit of a dark place and didn’t care to do anything. When we started dating, I realized you couldn’t come over and see what my house looked like. You’d be embarrassed and think differently of me,” John said, voice sounding small. “So I’ve been unpacking, hired painters and movers to get get everything together, and had to buy more furniture. It’s nearly finished, I’ll have you over soon.”

Joe rolled around so he was face to face with John. “My apartment back in New York is practically empty and I’ve lived there for years.”

“Not the same Joe,” John said yawning. “You are a busy actor who never home cos you’re working. I’m an old man with a truck load of baggage.”

Joe plastered himself against his boyfriend and kissed the older mans lips. “A sexy old man,” Joe smirked, before diving back to kissing his boyfriend.

Both of them shed their clothes and Joe ended up in John’s lap. Working himself up and down on John’s thick cock. John spilled inside the condom and then finished Joe off minutes later. Joe rested his head inside the crook of John’s neck, catching his breath while coming down from his high.

It’s only been two months, but Joe is in love with this man. Until he’s sure John feels the same way, he’ll just keep that to himself.

-

John and Joe took a quick detour to John’s house before heading to Brian and Rogers house. Joe told John they didn’t have to, but John insisted.

John’s house was tucked away from the street and very cozy looking from the outside. And just as cozy on the inside. Joe noticed how the house smelled more like new paint and new furniture and not like John. Not that he was gonna tell John that.

John gave him a quick tour. The house was filled pictures of him and kids throughout the years. Joe loves the big smile plastered across John’s face in the photos with him and his kids. His heart sunk briefly when he remembered that John doesn’t want kids. His eyes scanned over to the pictures of him, Roger, Brian, and Freddie. Some are ones he’s seen before and some must be personal pictures. 

They made it to the master bedroom and John started to go quiet, which meant something is on his mind.

“It’s nice, very you like,” Joe said jumping onto the large bed. “Very comfy. We should try it out soon.”

Joe jokingly laid down in a semi sexy position as he stared at the older man who sifted from his left to right foot.

“I can hear the cogs turning in your head,” Joe said in his best John impression.

John joined Joe on the bed. “There’s some space in the dresser and the closet for you. I know we haven’t talked about everything, but filming is nearly over and I would like for you to keep some things here. Even if your only ever here every so often,” John said, voice going soft. “Or not. Maybe it’s stupid to think like that.”

“Yeah, I’d like that. We can figure out more details in time,” Joe said, getting up to sit on John’s lap. 

-

“Deaky! I’m still not used to seeing you walk through my door,” Roger said, nearly knocking over John as he lunged forward to his mate.

“Alright Rog, we’re too old for this. Nice to see you too,” John said kissing Roger’s cheek.

Roger gave Joe a hello hug and kiss before leading the two of them into the kitchen. It’s now late into fall which means it’s too cold to sit out in the garden. Roger has a fire going in the fireplace and there’s music playing softly in the background. The sound of laughter coming from the crowd in the kitchen and the smell of burning wood and food in the oven made Joe feel all warm and fuzzy. Well a combination of all that and John’s hand on the small of his back leading him into the kitchen.

Joe loves seeing how comfortable John is around Brian and Roger, joking around as if John wasn’t gone for 20 something years. Roger seemed to grow the confidence to pester Joe with a thousand questions, he said he needed to know more about him. Joe didn’t care, he knew Roger is protective over John. Joe is determined to prove to everyone that he is good enough for John. Brian had put himself in charge of taking hundreds of pictures of everyone. Brian took a picture of John and Joe sitting down at the counter, John’s face was hidden as he was laughing about something and Joe had his eyes closed and big grin on his face. 

Joe was in love with the picture. He loves how naturally happy they both look. Joe made sure Brian sent it to him.  
  
Joe could hear John’s conversation with Brian a few feet away. John was letting Brian know he told his ex wife and children. He said they took it well which took him by surprise, he thought for sure they would have strong words to say. They explained to him that his happiness is what matters most. He watched as whispers were exchanged between Brian and John, ending with Brian hugging his younger friend as tight as he could. Joe turned away, feeling like he was intruding on the two.

John returned by his side and planted a sloppy kiss to Joe’s cheek. Ben let out a soft ‘awe’ and got up to kill Joe’s other cheek.

“You’re gonna have to share him mate,” Ben said with a wink.

Later that night in bed, John gave Joe the okay to upload that photo to his social media accounts. He first sent it to his parents and siblings and then gathered the courage to post it to twitter and Instagram. He captioned the photo ‘You are my sunshine, JRD’ followed with a yellow heart emoji. He shut his phone off and got comfy in bed, fully aware that things might now be this perfect and calm in the morning.  
  
Joe was pleasantly surprised to see that most of the comments are reply tweets were positive. Like super fucking positive. He read some of the cuter ones out loud to John whose cheeks flushed red. He didn’t read the negative ones out loud or even to himself. He didn’t care what strangers on the internet thought. The press had a field day and some of the articles were just God awful. Joe knew what people might say about him, calling him a sugar baby and whore. It hurt slightly to think that is what people see instead of two people who care about each other. 

He replied to some of the sweeter comments and deleted the nasty ones, just in case John was ever on his phone and stumbled upon them. Joe exited off his apps and leaned over to straddle his boyfriend.

“Wanna celebrate?” Joe ask, his voice full of lust.

-

Everything had fallen into place perfectly and have been going so smooth over the next couple months. Not one bump in the road. John and Joe have started splitting their time between Joe’s flat and John’s house. But eventually spending all their time at John’s house. Joe had moved most of his stuff over there, they used to the excuse of wanting to spend as much time together as they could. John has put up picture frames around his house that have pictures of him and Joe. That small gesture made his heart soar and John’s smile makes him so damn happy. Joe

Joe didn’t know they could get any closer but some how they have managed to do so. Joe found himself telling John things he has never told anyone. And in return John trusted him with things about himself. The paparazzi have gotten worse and made John’s anxiety worse some days. Joe learned on John’s bad days, all he wants is a quiet snuggle and a soothing cup of tea. John thanks him a hundred times and apologizes, Joe always shuts him up with a kiss. His boyfriend could never be a burden to him. 

Filming is nearly done and Joe has been collecting himself and preparing for his departure back home. They’ve already discussed continuing their relationship long distance and Joe has warned John he probably won’t be able to visit often it at all for while. He wants and needs to spend his time with his dad. Joe knows he doesn’t have that much more time and wants to make the most out of it since he already missed so much. John told him it’s no problem and that he is always here for him.

Joe loves this man. He knows he has to say it soon, but he isn’t sure when the right moment is.

-

As expected, Joe departure date was just as depressing as he thought it would be. He had already said goodbye to Ben and Gwil, which left him a blubbering mess. He knows he’ll see Rami back in New York, but the goodbye was still tough. This has been the greatest time of his life and he’s not ready for it to end. He’s so totally not fucking ready to say goodbye to John for now. Which is why his eyes are filled with unshed tears as they stand in the airport.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Joe said, voice thick with emotion. “I’ll call you when I land. And then I’ll call you every day after that.”

“I’m gonna miss you too,” John replied, using his thumb to wipe away the few tears that spilled from Joe’s eyes. “We’ll keep in touch. It’ll be hard, but your worth it. Joe, these last few months have been perfect. I haven’t been this happy in years. I owe it all to you.”

Joe wrapped his arms around John’s neck and placed a kiss to his lips. He didn’t care who was watching or how they looked. John pulled away first, a smile on his face.

“I’m gonna miss kissing you,” John said smiling even bigger.

“I’m gonna miss everything about you,” Joe said, he felt like he was floating. “I love you, John. I’m so fucking in love with you. I just needed to tell you before I got on the plane, I don’t know when I’ll see you next.”

“Oh good, I’ve been hoping you’d say it soon. I love you Joe,” John replied sweetly. “I’m very much in love with you.”

Their goodbye lasted a few more minutes and both of the said ‘I love you’ about 56 more times. As Joe walked away, trying his hardest to not look back, he felt so incredibly happy and in love. Temporarily helping him forget the sadness he is going home to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe relationship continues and they finally visit each other. Good news and bad news. And a little miscommunication cos I live for that shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more mention of male pregnancy & an actual male pregnancy. A very minor character death. Other than that, please enjoy and let me know what you think! I'm real shit at proof reading that final time before I post so if there's anything that needs correcting, please let me know!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr Mother_mercury44 :)

Time seemed to move achingly slow. And also move at the speed of light once Joe returned home.

Spending time with his family moved at record breaking speed. He’d show up to his parents place, blink and suddenly it was time for him to leave. Joe felt useless for the first time in his life, watching his father slowly fade away and having no control over it. He tried his best to make the most of it, trying to keep things light and happy. He knows his father isn’t going to make it, they all know it. If laughter and smiles numb the pain, Joe will keep recounting funny stories from their past and speaking of happy things.

He told his family the pg-13 version of how he and John met and officially got together. His family listened with hearts in their eyes. Even his brother came around, maybe just for the sake of not fighting during this time. His sister insist they must video chat John so she can give John the “don’t hurt my baby brother” talk. Joe shakes his head and says maybe soon they will. He’s not quite ready to have John be interrogated by his family just yet. After all, John is older than their own father and probably doesn’t want or need to be subjected to that.

The rare moments Joe isn’t with his family, he's talking to John on the phone or video chatting. They’ll text throughout the day, due to the time difference and Joe being busy with his father. John already told him not worry about him and to put his family first. The truth is that Joe looks forward to speaking with John, not just cos he misses his very good looking boyfriend. It distracts Joe from the inevitable death of his father. He loves his father dearly, more than anything or anyone. He would give anything and everything under the stars for him to live forever. But after a long day of forcing smiles and trying his hardest to keep it together, he’s exhausted and drained of all life.

Having John to talk to recharges his battery and allows him to have a moment to be human. The couple talks about everything under the sun, continuing their relationship as if they aren’t time zones and an ocean away from each other. They’ve gotten pretty good at phone sex and Skype sex. The start was a bit awkward but Joe realized that this is the man he loves and this is the closest he is getting to getting laid anytime soon. Joe misses him dearly and hearing his voice and seeing him on his phone scene isn’t a constellation for the real thing. Joe’s family suggested he should ask John to come and visit, but Joe declined doing so. John asked Joe if he’d like him to come to New York, Joe declined also. He would love for them all to meet, but not like this. Not when his father is dying, his mothers eyes are permanently blood shot and puffy from her crying and lack of sleep. It doesn’t feel right.

The couple have managed to go four months being away from each other. A little longer won’t kill them. John has taken it upon himself to send Joe packages regularly, usually filled with sweets, tea, and fun little other things. He constantly is having flowers and sweets sent to his apartment. Joe tells him that his ass is gonna get too big and John just laughs and tells him he can’t wait for it. His favorite package had to be one that contained one of John’s jumpers. And the cherry of top is that it smelled like his cologne. Joe had a photo shoot of him in the jumper and a pair of briefs. He quickly sent them to John, who called him for immediate hot phone sex.

The press had died down since announcing their relationship and both of their faces appeared less and less in the tabloids. Still people comment cruel things on his Instagram if Joe uploads a throwback picture of the two of them. A few people mention how he never really shows their faces or he’ll put an emoji over John’s face. Claiming he’s embarrassed of his boyfriend. The comments always put Joe in a bad mood.

“Don’t let them get to you,” John said while they were on the phone one day. “I know how you feel about me and that is all that matters.”

“It’s just frustrating. If I say anything, I’m getting defensive and it looks bad on my part. If I stay silent, I look bad. I can’t win,” Joe explained, trying to not let his emotions take over. “I just miss you and wish I was with you.”

“Say the word and I’ll book a flight,” John said.

“Not yet,” Joe said. Quickly changing the subject. “How was your day?”

John went on to talk about spending the day with his family for his grandsons birthday. Talking about they grow up so fast and he misses when his own were this small. Joe’s heart _fluttered_ , he loves hearing John talk about his children. He has to use the smart part of his brain to remind him that John doesn’t want anymore children.

“As much as I miss them being young, I forgot how bloody loud kids and kids toys are. Left with a migraine,” John said sounding exhausted. “How was your day, lovely?”

“Nothing crazy, I met Rami and Lucy for lunch. I was deep cleaning my apartment and am currently doing about six weeks worth of laundry. I have no briefs left,” Joe explained, hoping John was picking up of the shift of conversation.

“Then why bother with the rest of your clothes?” John chuckled. Joe could hear the older mans breath picking up.

“Who said I’m wearing clothes?”

He immediately removed the rest of his clothes and could hear his boyfriend shuffling around to pull his cock out. He’s gotten too familiar with that sound. 

Sure long distance is hard, but hot steamy phone sex with his English man makes up for the distance.

-

“Are you taking care of yourself,” John asked while video chatting one morning. Well morning for Joe, afternoon for John. 

Joe knew he meant it in a ‘ _you look like you haven’t eaten or slept or showered in days, please take care of yourself_ ’ kinda way. Joe spent the night at his parents, his father had caught a cold and Joe was terrified he was gonna make through the night.

“It’s the change of seasons,” Joe lied. “I always get a spring time cold.”

He knew John didn’t believe him for a second. Even if they haven’t seen each other in nearly 5 months, John can still see straight through Joe’s bullshit. 

“Lovely, you have to take care of yourself. You aren’t any help if you are wilting away,” John sighed. “Let me come visit so I can take care of you. Plus I miss you dearly.” 

Joe broke out into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. He misses John. He doesn’t want his father to die. He needs to take a shower and eat something other then gum and coffee. He wants to sleep for three days. He wants things to be not so ~~_fucked._~~

John let him cry, he told Joe to get it all out. Once Joe was done crying, he thanked his boyfriend and went back like nothing happened.

“My dad probably isn’t going to make it much longer. Now isn’t a good time,” Joe answered. “I’m sorry John. I should have let you come earlier and now it’s too late. I don’t need you to see the man I respect the most on his death bed.”

“Oh lovely,” John said softly. “Shower, eat some food, and take rest.”

Joe smiled at his very over caring boyfriend. “I love you.”

“I love you, Joe. Have a good day love,” John said.

They blew each other kisses and ended the call.

Joe pulled himself from his living room floor to do what John had asked him too. Doing mundane human tasks seemed to take all his energy these days. Not even the words of his sweet boyfriend could make him feel better today. He needed a proper hug and kiss from him. He needed John to stroke his back and tell him everything is going to be okay.

Even though Joe knows things with is father are definitely not going to be okay. 

-

Losing his dad on Mother’s was some sort of sick play from the Universe Joe thought. The services seemed to pass by in a blur of Joe zoning in and out while people shook his hand saying how sorry they are. He let John and his mates know, received endless messages and phone calls. Not that he was responding to anyone of them, he knew they didn’t mind. His mind was pretty occupied the past few days.

Joe spent two weeks after his father passed with his family, crying and reminiscing. He spoke to John a few times and finally got back to his mates. Speaking to them made him feel a little less sad. He even planned a trip to London in the next few coming weeks, he couldn’t wait to spend time laid up in his lovers arms and also to visit Ben and Gwil. 

He was laid up on his couch, dirty clothes and eating cold pizza from the night before. He knew his father would have some strong words if he saw him in this state, but the sadness over powered his ability to care.

A knock on his door disrupted his thoughts, he pulled himself away from the couch to answer. Hoping who ever is was didn’t mind the beard on his face, the greasy hair, and the dirty clothes. Not to mention he hadn’t brushed his teeth yet. It was their fault for knocking on the door at this early of an hour.

He really wished he had been practicing better hygiene when he opened the door to his boyfriend. Standing there with a bouquet a flowers and a suitcase.

“Hello lovely,” John smiled.

Joe pulled him into the apartment and tossed his luggage inside. He finally crashed his lips to John, opening his mouth for John’s tongue. Completely forgetting that his breath stinks, not that John minded. The older man greedily licked into his mouth. Clearly making up for lost time. After a few moments they pulled away, both desperately needing to breathe.

“What the hell are you doing here? Why didn’t you call me? I mean, fuck I’m so happy,” Joe exclaimed, not caring that he’s now crying.

John cupped Joe’s face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. He placed a gentle kiss to Joe’s soft lips. John led them both to the couch, Joe’s slightly embarrassed of the contents on his coffee table: stale pizza, a few empty beer bottles, and just a bunch of garbage he’s been to lazy to throw out. Had he known John was coming he would have cleaned and taken a shower, not needing his boyfriend to see hows he’s been living the past few weeks.

But maybe it’s better for John to see him like this, cos this is real life.

“I figured if I asked you if I should visit, you’d say no. And a surprise visit is more romantic,” John answered. “I wanted to be here for you Joe. I love you. I love you so bloody much.”

“God why are you so fucking perfect? I love you John,” Joe said snuggling up to John.

The couple laid intertwined on the couch for a bit, running their hands across each other. Joe’s missed John’s smell, how their bodies seem to fit each other perfectly, and just his presence. When Joe was in London for filming, he spent nearly every waking moment with John. Being so far from home was heartbreaking but kissing John made him feel like he was home. And now kissing John in his apartment feels like every other kiss they shared but now magnified a hundred times. He could kiss John on another planet and it would still feel like he’s home.

“How have you been dealing with everything?” John asked, breaking the silence.

“Good days and bad day,” Joe answered tiredly. “Good day now that you’re here.”

Joe talked about his father, funny stories and vacations throughout the year. He told John how ecstatic his father was that he had found someone he really loves. Joe wishes they had the chance to meet, he’ll forever blame himself for that. John assures him it’s okay this way.

After an hour of snuggles and catching up, John stood up off the couch and reached a hand out for Joe to take.

“We both need a shower,” John stated. “It’ll be more fun to do it together.”

The warm spray of the water felt nearly foreign to Joe, being naked on his knees blowing his boyfriend did not. John returned the favor by jerking Joe off as the warm water splashed on them. Joe came in John’s hand while moaning into John’s mouth. Their phone and video chatting sex dates were delicious but nothing compares to the real thing.

After the fun ended, Joe washed John’s hair and body. Running his hands through John’s chest hair and leaving kisses all over his body. Mainly focusing on the soft love handles and his arse. John took his time washing Joe’s hair and running the wash cloth delicately over Joe’s body. There’s something so incredibly intimate about washing the person you love. Being naked and vulnerable with someone you love and trust is a beautiful feeling.

  
Out of the shower, John left briefly to grab a change of clothes for himself and Joe put on his bathrobe. As Joe was about to leave, John stopped him and patted the counter for Joe to jump up on. John silently started the process of shaving Joe’s face, not leaving room for the younger man to complain.

“I’m sorry,” Joe said softly. 

“For what?” John asked, eyes not leaving where he was working.

“I can’t even take care of myself,” Joe sighed.

John gave him a quick look before going back to shaving Joe’s face. Carefully shaving along his jawline and making sure it’s even and smooth. John hummed to himself keeping a very concentrated face. Joe let his eyes fall shut and let John finish his work. John ran a damp cloth across his face to clean him up and patted him lightly with some after shave. Joe hoped John didn’t call him out for switching his after shave to one the John uses. Yeah it had a bit of an older man smell, but it made him smell like his favorite person in the world.

“All done, lovely. I think you look perfect with some facial hair, it was a bit too much for your perfect face,” John said examining Joe’s face in case he missed anything. “Let’s get you in something comfy and I’ll put the kettle on. Maybe watch a movie? I’ll let you pick.”

Joe nodded to the older man and let John guide him to the bedroom. Joe searched through his drawers as John looked around his room at the pictures and decor. 

Joe noticed the older man stopping to stare at his bedside locker. There’s a picture of him and John in John’s garden that Ben took. Joe doesn’t like how he looks in the photograph but he loves John’s wide smile and how John has an arm around his waist, pulling him in incredibly close. He watched as John picked it up with a smile, examining it, and putting it back down. He still doesn’t believe that John is his and he is here in New York.

Joe finished dressing and wrapped his arms around John from behind. He place a few soft kisses the older mans neck.

“I love you,” Joe said softly.

“I love you."

Joe’s never gonna get used to saying I love you and hearing John say it back.

-

John was severely jet lagged but refused to rest until the night hit. Joe did end up passing out the start of their movie. John slipped out briefly to pick up a bit of groceries since Joe had nothing but beer and leftover takeaway. When John returned, Joe was still sleeping as the credits from the movie rolled on the TV. John silently cleaned Joe’s flat up the best he could without waking Joe. He woke Joe up once he was satisfied with his cleaning, not wanting to have his sleeping schedule messed up. Joe playfully swatted the older man and pretended to be angry. He could never be angry with John and real food sounded fucking amazing after two weeks of greasy garbage.

They spent the rest of the day completely enveloped in each other. Joe only let go of John when the older man had to use the bathroom. He sat on the counter as John cooked them lunch and basically sat on John’s lap when they sat down to eat their lunch. John never seemed bother by how clingy he was being, the older man seemed to miss him just as much. Joe noticed how John drank in the sight of him when he did anything. The way John’s touches seemed to linger, like the moment might slip away from them. Both of them making up for every single physical moment they missed while apart. 

When night hit, John dressed himself in a pair of briefs and a t-shirt Joe had bought him. It was just a bit too big but Joe loves it on him. Joe had changed into one of Joe’s shirt from his luggage and a pair of briefs. John let out a chuckle followed by a dreamy sigh, staring at Joe with hearts in his eyes.

“If it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve been up for almost a day, I’d insist on getting very naked with you right now. You look absolutely delicious in my clothes,” John said smirking.

Joe jumped under the covers to snuggle up to John, forgetting how much he missed sleeping next to John. Joe placed kisses along John’s jaw.

“Plenty of time for some sexy time tomorrow. And the next day,” Joe said making his way along his jaw. He finished with a wet kiss to John’s lips. “This day already made up for the five months apart.”

Joe settled his head on John’s chest, letting the older man stroke his back. 

“Never again. Don’t think I could go that long again,” John explained.

Joe could hear the calmness in his voice. Joe knows they both rely on each other, that they are each others rock. Joe could barely hold it together when they were apart, he knows it was just as hard on his boyfriend. He knows the difficultly of being an ocean away and that they’ll need to address it soon. 

“You kept me sane with everything that happened with my dad. I don’t think I would have survived any of this without you,” Joe said, trying his best to hold back his tears. “And I’m sorry you spent the last five months helping me out only to have to come take care of me in person.”

John pulled Joe up so they were both sitting cross legged and face to face. John cupped his face, wiping away the tears he had finally shed.

“Joe, you kept your family sane and you took care of everyone else. In all the craziness, you forgot to take care of yourself. Me phoning you to shower, eat, and sleep was me reminding you that you are human Joe, you can take care of others but you have to take care of yourself,” John sighed. “Me coming here and cleaning and taking care of you was me letting you know that you deserve to be cared for too.”

Joe started to sob and collapsed onto John’s chest. 

“I’m just exhausted,” Joe hiccuped.

“I know lovely, I know. You’ve been so strong for so many people for so long,” John explained, his voice warm like honey. “It’s okay not be strong anymore. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

“I love you, John. Forever,” Joe said, eyes red and puffy.

“And I love you. Forever Joe,” John replied.

Joe really will never get over hearing and saying those three words.

-

The butterflies from John being in New York never went away. Waking up next to him the morning after his arrival was the best morning Joe has had in months. John was still sleeping his mouth parted slightly, looking more well rested than he did the night before. His eyes fluttered for a moment and when John didn’t wake, Joe quietly crept out of bed and into his kitchen. He isn’t much of a cook but he can make pancakes without burning the apartment down. He put on some music at a low volume, not wanting to wake his very tired boyfriend, and got to cooking.

Joe set the kitchen table, the bouquet of flowers from John as the center piece. He had invested in a vase after John sent him flowers for the third in time. Joe stood to admire his work and to do a quick double check that everything was right. Caught up in the soft music and his thoughts, Joe didn’t hear John come into the kitchen. He only felt strong arms wrap around his middle and a gentle kiss placed below his ear. 

“Morning Lovely,” John whispered. His voice thick and low, causing Joe to shiver.

Joe turned around to give John a proper morning hug and kiss. A simple thing he used to take for granted. John had dressed himself in a pair of track pants and t-shirt, leaving Joe a tiny bit sad that John was no longer in his briefs. And not to mention felling slightly under dressed in his own apartment. He wondered how long the older man had been awake, he noticed the minty freshness on his breath, reminding Joe he didn’t brush his own teeth.

“Morning babe,” Joe said with a dreamy sigh. “I made breakfast and as you can see,” Joe gestured around the apartment. “I didn’t burn down the bundling.”

Joe romantically pulled out John’s chair and the older man playfully rolled his eyes.

“Very proud of you,” John stated.

The couple ate and chatted about what John had in mind for his visit. When Joe asked John, the first thing out of his mouth was to meet his family or at least his mother. Joe agreed and texted his mother asking what day would work best. After that, John told Joe he didn’t care what they did. He was just happy to be with him.

John offered to clean up since Joe cooked. Joe sat on the counter, swinging his legs like a child and staring as the older man got familiar with his kitchen. Joe didn’t keep things organized and if drove John mad, he kept silent about it. John hummed a small tune to himself, sneaking glances at the younger man.

“Like what you see?” Joe asked in a low, lust fill voice. Joe leaned back on his elbows.

John finished drying the last plate and put it away with the others before moving closer to Joe, nodding his head. Once the older man was close enough, Joe wrapped his legs around John’s waist and pulled him in tightly. They met in the middle for a heated kiss, Joe immediately giving up dominance. He trusts his boyfriend to be rough yet gently with him. John always gave Joe exactly what he needed, making him feel good and cared for.

“One minute lovely,” John said kissing Joe’s jaw. 

John came back as quick as he left. Holding a condom and a new bottle of lube, and a huge grin on his face. “Bought them when I bought your flowers.”

“Romantic,” Joe said batting his eyes. “Come on, get your cock inside of me before I start whining.”

“Love it when you whine,” John said undressing himself quickly. 

Joe loves how quickly John is to remove his clothing now. It may have taken a while and Joe had to kiss every single part of John’s body 20 times, but it was worth it. Worth it to see John strip down to nothing the second sex gets mentioned, though Joe would love to remove his clothes. He let John help get his briefs off. John grabbed his wrist to stop him from removing his jumper.

“Keep it on,” John growled.

Joe went back to wrapping his bare legs around John’s naked waist. John worked his entrance opened slowly and carefully. It’s been a while and Joe was only used to his own fingers, which were much smaller in comparison to John’s. Joe relaxed and gave John the go ahead to slip in a second one. Two of John’s fingers stretched him open, scissoring his tight heat. Grazing over his prostate softly. Joe’s back arched and he let out breathy little moans, trying to avoid screaming John’s name over and over again.

Once his rim was wet and open, John rolled on a condom and nudged his cock in. Slowly dragging along inside of him. Joe tried his best to keep his breath steady and his body relaxed.

“You okay lovely? Don’t want to hurt you,” John said, chest heaving once he was fully seated inside of Joe.

“Kiss me,” Joe begged. “Please?”

John leaned down, stroking Joe’s cock with one hand and using the other to cup Joe’s face. They kissed, wet and sloppy. Teeth clanked and noses bumped. Joe bit John’s bottom lip as he pulled away. John kept a firm grip on Joe’s hip, squeezing it and rubbing circles into it.

“You can go. Please go,” Joe whined.

John pulled out halfway before thrusting back in. John kept a steady pace as they swallowed each others moans. John hit his prostate and Joe’s eyes went rolling to the back of his head. Joe nudged John’s backside with his foot, signaling for his boyfriend to pick up the speed. John did just that, giving it to Joe they way he liked it. The counter that was once cool was now warm and wet from lube and sweat. Even with John’s grip on Joe, the younger man still managed to slide back and fourth with each thrust. And fucking hell if that isn’t the hottest thing Joe’s experienced. 

Joe missed being intimate with John. Having the stress and worries of his life literally fucked out of him. Even with John fucking into him hard and fast, it’s still filled with love and passion and trust. Joe never experience hard and rough sex that was still filled with those three very important things. Joe was the on the verge of letting his emotions get to him and crying in the middle of sex John hit his prostate particularly hard. 

“Yes John,” Joe moaned. “Please just like that, please.”

John did just that as he nuzzled his face into Joe’s neck. Sucking a mark onto him, one that Joe knows will hang around for a week. Joe involuntarily squeezed around John’s thick cock as John attacked his prostate. He usually did that on purpose to tease John, but this time it was out of his control.

“You feel amazing around me,” John growled. “Fit so perfectly together, think we were made for each other.”

“Fuck,” Joe moaned. “I missed you so much. I missed your cock.”

“You feel incredible Joe,” John said thrusts becoming sloppy. “So tight and hot around me. Gonna come soon.”

John wrapped his hand around Joe’s cock. Joe knew John was trying to get him to come first. John finished first, spilling into the condom and Joe’s name on his lips. And Joe came in John’s hand a moment later. John pulled out, way too soon in Joe’s eyes. Joe sat weakly sat up to face the older man, breathing into each others mouths. 

“I really think we were made for each other,” John said after his breath evened out. “Thought that the first time I kissed you and every single day after that.”

Maybe it’s cos he finally had sex with his boyfriend for the first time in five months or maybe it’s the post sex high. Or maybe it’s just cos John is the easily the best thing that ever happened to him. But Joe started crying.

“Joe. Lovely, are you hurt? I told you to tell me, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” John said cupping Joe’s face. John let Joe rest his head on his shoulder and cry.

“I’m still not use to being this happy. Or sex being this good. Or having someone love me the way you do,” Joe said, voice cracking on each word. “I’m convinced I’m gonna wake up and this is just a dream”

John kissed him, more powerful and with more passion than any of their other kisses.  
  
Joe doesn’t care about being covered in his own cum or being drenched in sweat. He cares about John. John cares about him. They care about each other and love each other.

And Joe agrees with John, that they are definitely made for each other.

-

“So John,” Mary said raising an eyebrow and scanning John up and down. “What are your intentions with my baby brother?”

Joe watched as John nervously shifted in his seat. He was just about to tell Mary to stop pestering John, when his mother ( _thank God_ ) stepped in.

“Mary! Enough before you scare him off,” she stated. “If that happens, we’ll be stuck with just Joe.”

Joe rolled his eyes and John seemed to relax. He wasn’t sure why John was so nervous, he’s the oldest one in the room. John may have made it a point to meet Joe’s family, but he was still riddle with nerves. Joe thanked the Universe his brother couldn’t make it, he’s sure his John wouldn’t survive his brothers wrath. 

After the initial meeting, they poured some wine and relaxed. John told them all about his childhood and a bit what he has been up to before Joe and even in the last five months. Cracking a joke about being in a semi famous band in his youth. Joe saw John relaxing even more as the conversation flowed and bottles of wine emptied.

His mom and sister treated John like he was just a regular guy and Joe will forever be grateful for it. He knows John isn’t fond over constantly talking about Queen. Joe let John bring up stories from his Queen days, he never pushed him to talk about it. His sister started getting too comfortable, telling stories about Joe from their past. Some sweet and fluffy and the others being more embarrassing. John told them all about the time Joe nearly burnt down his flat in England when he put the oven mitt on top of the lit burner.

Even with the stories not being in Joe’s favor, he still smiled. He never thought bringing someone to meet his family could go this well. It usually ended with Mary drunk on wine speaking the truth about his shitty boyfriend and Joe taking his boyfriends side ( _like an idiot_ ). His mom would beg them to stop fighting and John would just get up and leave. But tonight, was good. Tonight was fucking perfect.

The taxi ride home from his moms, Joe couldn’t stop holding the older mans hand and nuzzling sweetly into his neck. His mom and sister love his boyfriend. His boyfriend loves his mom and sister. 

“You enjoyed yourself?” Joe asked, only aware of how drunk he is after he finished talking.

“Very much. After the nerves settled, I had a brilliant time. I hope they liked me as much as I liked the,” John said, pressing a kiss to Joe’s temple.

“You have no idea how much they like you,” Joe smirked.

-

John stayed in New York for two and a half weeks. It felt terribly short. Joe spent the time burning in every detail into his brain. They took a million pictures everywhere they went. Even on the days they stayed inside the flat. Joe bought himself a Polaroid camera so John could take some sexy photos of him. Joe got very naked for the pictures and tried to make himself look as sexy as possible. The sexy photo shoot ended with Joe riding John on the couch.

The couple went on a double date with Rami and Lucy who had recently got engaged. Joe insisted on ordering too much champagne to celebrate. Joe’s a sucker for weddings. They chatted about wedding details and the press tour.

“You two have the quite the plateful there,” John joked. 

“It’s a lot, but it’s good. Sami’s not into the whole wedding planning business, he said he’ll give a speech but that’s it,” Rami said eyeing Joe. “So I’m gonna have to defer to my other best man for most of the wedding planning.”

Joe let out a very high pitched squeal. “Oh my God, we have so much work to do. I’m so happy,” Joe smiled. “This is gonna be fucking awesome.”

John gave Joe a quick kiss on the lips to calm him down and to stop him from screaming in the middle of the restaurant.

“Then just wait till once the press tour and our wedding are both over,” Rami grinned. “Then the craziness will pick up again once you two love birds get engaged.”

Rami and Lucy smiled at John and himself. Joe felt his body freezing mid sip of wine. He and John talked about spending the rest of their lives together but never really spoke about getting married. Joe assumed John wouldn’t want to for a few reasons. Maybe they should have had this conversation before someone else could bring it up.

“Would have done it already but I left the ring in the sock drawer back in England,” John said, playfully shaking his head.

Joe laughed and the other three followed, He hopes Rami and Lucy didn’t catch on to the awkwardness between him and John. Or at least with just himself, John seemed fine. The evening flew by and they parted outside the restaurant, Rami and Joe promising to get together more often. 

The taxi ride home was filled with kisses and hand holding. 

Settled in bed after a round of rough, skin slapping skin sex, Joe felt more relaxed than he did at dinner.

“Thanks for saying something at dinner,” Joe said quietly, tracing patterns on John’s chest.

John mumbled a loud ‘huh?’.

“The whole marriage thing,” Joe clarified. “I know we never talked about it and I know you probably don’t want to get remarried. So I’m thanking you for saying something, I sorta froze like an idiot.” 

John squeezed Joe tighter in his arms. “You’re right, I never thought I would get remarried,” John said and Joe’s heart sunk even lower. “Then I met you and we started dating. Now all I think about is how wonderful it would be to marry you. Especially if that means I get to spend the rest of my life with you with matching rings on our fingers.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” John answered. “Told you, the ring is at home in my sock drawer.”

John let out a belly laugh, not as deep and loud as they usually are. But they did just have some pretty great sex so the older man is probably tired.

“Oh shut up, you’re lying,” Joe exclaimed rolling his eyes. “And I have a pot of gold in my hall closet.”

John kissed the top of Joe’s head. “You’re right. I am lying,” John huffed out. “It’s in the drawer with my briefs.”

Joe let out a playful purr. “Well I do love your briefs.”

“And I love you.”

-

John’s visit went by in a blur of sex and cuddles and being cheesy tourists. 

Joe demanded to be fucked on every surface in his apartment, trying out new positions that have made Joe realized he is more flexible than he thought. John happily obliged, even though Joe is aware that the older mans favorite position is missionary.

“I like being able to look in your eyes,” John explained, thrusting into Joe one morning. “I like to hold your hip, keeping you in place. I like to stroke your cock and watch the beautiful faces you make when I do.”

Joe let out dreamy moan as John did all the things he mentioned. Joe never thought missionary was boring, just never really cared for it. To be honest, Joe would have sex in missionary for the rest of his life if it meant only having sex with John for the rest of his life.

Joe knew he was probably wearing the older man out with all the sex, Joe himself was worn out. He’ll be in London visiting his boyfriend three weeks after John leaves. That’s still three weeks without making love to his boyfriend and getting to naked cuddle him afterwards. Joe doesn’t want to wake up in his bed without John. Maybe he’s being greedy but he doesn’t want to do anything without John. These last two and half weeks have been perfect in every way and John leaving pops the little bubble Joe has been living in. The bubble _BOTH_ of them have been living in. That bubble being pretending that they don’t live an ocean a part.

The sun was shining and the air was warm the morning of John’s departure. Joe felt everything but the warmth of the spring. He felt cold and miserable. John's flight wasn’t until the late afternoon and they made the most of it.

Breakfast in bed and then sex in the shower. Joe helped John pack his belongings, putting a few pair of John’s clean briefs under his blanket. The older man has plenty and Joe really wants them. Joe insisted on keep a few of John’s t-shirts that smelled like him. After packing John up and moving his things into the living room, John gave Joe a very pleasing blowjob on the couch in the living room. Burning the memory of them both of the couch and John between his legs. Going down on Joe like the universe depended on it. 

Before they started their journey to the airport, John stopped at the door.

“Here,” John said removing the jumper he had on over his t-shirt. “Keep this one too.”

Joe shoved the jumper to his nose, inhaling a deep breath. “Smells like you. Smells like home,” Joe said dreamily. He put it on and kissed John sweetly, using the kiss as a thank you. His favorite way to thank John. Okay, maybe his second favorite way. His first being getting on his knees for the older man. They don’t have the time for that so this will have to do.

The ride to the airport seemed to take seconds.

Joe parked his car in the parking garage and insisted on walking John to security. Their goodbye lasted as long as they could stretch it. Joe kissing the older man a hundred times and wrapping his arms around him so tight. Like this is the last time they’ll see each other. Joe doesn’t mind the stares he’s getting for the ridiculous amount of PDA. He doesn’t care if they know who him and John are or if they don’t, he cares about giving his boyfriend the sweetest goodbye in the history of goodbyes.

“Last kiss and I have to go. I don’t want to leave either,” John said kissing Joe’s lips and giving him one last hug. “I love you, Joe. Forever.”

Joe swallowed the sob he’s holding in. “I love you, forever. Call me when you land and get situated?”

“Of course,” Joe said releasing Joe from his embrace. “Take care of yourself, I’ll see you in three weeks.”

John turned and walked towards security, Joe watched him until he no longer had eyes on the older man.

“Three weeks,” Joe sighed. “Three fucking weeks.”

-

John texted Joe he had landed and they promised to speak later after Joe had got situated.

Sometime after that Joe had passed out on his couch only to be woken up by his phone going off. Assuming it was John he swiped to answer and greeted the person on the other line with a weak ‘hello’.

“Jesus Joe, I texted you about 11 times. Bloody hell,” Ben shouted. Causing Joe to wake up. “Did you get them?”

“Just woke up, sorry kiddo,” Joe said with a sleepy laugh. 

“I’m pregnant,” Ben said, cutting off Joe’s laugh. “10 weeks as of yesterday.”

Joe wasn’t expecting to hear that and he wasn’t really sure how to respond. Him and Ben talked about how they both wanted children. He can say with certainty that Ben and Gwil weren’t trying. Borhap is opening doors for all the actors and a baby has the power to put your career on hold. Not that he would tell Ben that. 

“Were you guys trying? Are you happy? I’ll be in London in three weeks,” Joe stammered. Not really sure what is the right thing to say. 

Ben let out of choked sob. “We were surprised at first and weren’t sure what we were gonna do. Which is why I put off telling you until now,” Ben explained. “But now, thinking about having a baby in sevenish months? We’re so excited! I mean the press tour is gonna be hard and all but I’ll have a baby by he end of it all. I’m due in January.”

Joe smiled like a goof. “Benny Boo! Fuck, I’m happy for you guys. That’s incredible. You are going to make a fantastic dad and I already know Gwil is gonna be the tough but fair one,” Joe said, speaking at the speed of light. “Just wait in three weeks, I’m gonna hug you so hard. Well not too hard, don’t wanna squish my godson. I am assuming I’m the godfather.”

Ben laughed a little too hard and loud. Losing his breath and trying to gain control of it again. “Mhm, we’ll discuss that when you’re here. Speaking of your visit,” Ben said, his tone dropping more seriously. “Gwil and I are getting married. Quick and dirty. A cute and cozy garden ceremony and a little party after. It’s planned a week after you get here. Couldn’t get married without my best man.” 

“Shut up,” Joe shouted. “SHUT UP.”

The two dissed wedding details and Ben had arranged for Joe to get fitted for a tux out in London. Ben told Joe all about how he found out he was pregnant and how he told Gwil. Their first reactions of ‘holy shit this can’t be happening’ then finally settling into ‘this is best thing that’s ever happened’. Joe started crying as Ben talked about how happy he are Gwil are. _Prematurely getting the nursery ready and thinking of names_ excited.

“You are gonna have to send me daily pics of your bump,” Joe said smiling like an idiot. “And you’re gonna have to deal with me kissing it every time I see you. I hope you already warned Gwil that I’m gonna be the third parent.”

“Oh of course,” Ben said proudly. “It’s crazy, I have a baby inside of me.”

“I’m so fucking happy for you, I already have my laptop pulled up to order some things. Just wait till the deliveries roll in,” Joe said laughing. “I’m a little jealous, gonna be honest. Does that make me a bad friend? Oh Jesus, I’m sorry. Why’d I even say that? I’m so incredibly happy for you two. I really am. I’m emotional cos of you and Gwil. John left earlier today and I already miss him.”

“Joe! It’s fine mate, really. I would be jealous if you got pregnant first,” Ben said honestly. “I bet you guys are getting tons of baby making practice in.”

Joe counted to 10 in his head, giving him a chance to collect himself and to stop himself from crying.

“I mean don’t get me wrong, there’s tons of action going. I just don’t think it’ll ever end with a baby,” Joe admitted for the first time out loud. And damn it hurt even worse than saying to himself in his head. “He’s 66 and already has enough kids, ya know? I’m coming up on 35 so it’s probably not recommended for me to get pregnant.”

Joe kept his voice strong, not wanting to cry on the phone. Ben pretended he wasn’t crying which made Joe feel worse. His best friend called him with fantastic news and Joe had managed to turn it into a pity on himself. Some friend.

Ben apologized for not putting theirs ages and John’s already six kids into consideration. Joe interrupted Ben before he worked himself up too much.

“Ben, it’s okay. I knew going into this that I would have to give up and change certain things about my life. Not having kids is a very teeny tiny price to pay if I get to spend the rest of my life with John,” Joe explained. He was sorta telling the truth and sorta lying. He just needed Ben to calm down. “And not to steal your spotlight but we talked about getting married. I figured he wouldn’t want to, but he said he does want to get married again. Even joked about a ring.”

“Well no getting married until I lose the baby weight,” Ben said sniffling. He had stopped crying, thankfully.

“Promise,” Joe exclaimed.

They chatted for a bit longer, Joe changing the subject to Ben and Gwil’s baby and wedding and them starting their life together. Eventually the time difference forced them to hang up. Joe received a picture of Ben’s bump moments later and he responded back with a truck load of heart emojis.

Joe retreated to the bathroom, deciding it was time to take a shower. And he wanted to do some deep thinking and a shower just seemed like the best place to do it. He loves his life with John, more than anything and everything in the world. He wouldn’t give it up anything. But just for this moment, when he’s alone and doesn’t have to worry about hurting John’s feelings or looking like an ass in front of his friends, he’s jealous. He’s jealous that Rami and Lucy are getting married and get to spend the next 50 years together. He’s jealous the Ben and Gwil are expecting. Cos if you asked Joe before he met John, he would have told you that he wants two children minimum and would never be with someone who didn’t want kids. He jealous that John already has six kids and got to experience holding his six new born babies. 

_The grass is always greener on the other side_ , Joe thought to himself.

Later that night, super later that night, Joe crawled into bed and called John. It’s early morning over there and he knows the older man is up.

“Lovely,” John said in his stern voice. “You should be sleeping.”

“You’re the one who traveled and I swear I’m jet lagged,” Joe said, aware of the exhaustion in his voice. “Ben and Gwil are pregnant. And they're getting married.”

He heard John to his sharp intake of air, he always did that when he was excited and surprised. 

“That’s wonderful news,” John said. Joe could hear his smile through the one. “Looks like you are going to be quite the busy man.”

Joe gave the older man the rundown on the wedding details and updating him on Ben’s pregnancy. John asked loads of questions and let out soft ‘oh’s’ and ‘ah’s’ as Joe spoke. John seemed to love babies as long as they weren’t his, Joe thought. He talked about how busy things are going to be and having a very pregnant Ben on the press tour is going to be so much fun. He spoke about having two weddings and being the best man for both. 

“With everything that’s happened, my father dying and Ben getting pregnant, I’m just starting to put things into perspective. You know? Life is short and I know what I want out of life,” Joe started. He isn’t sure if he should just bite the bullet and bring up what he so badly wants to say. “Can we talk about this when I come to visit you in a few weeks?”

“I understand,” John said, his voice flat. “But let’s just do this now, no sense in delaying the inevitable, Joe.”

“It’ll be better face to face,” Joe explained. His couldn’t chewing his lip raw, he knows bringing up a future baby is something that can end their relationship. 

“I’m not waiting three weeks for you to fly across the ocean to for you to end things,” John said, sounding annoyed. “I know I brought up marriage probably too soon and it put into perspective that you don’t want to waste your time with me. This is why I gave you an out at the start of this, to avoid one of us getting hurt.”

Joe shot up in bed, very very awake now. A very ready to jump through the phone to smoother his boyfriend with both kisses and a pillow. He found himself at a loss for words, not expecting John and him to be on different planets in regards to where this conversation was headed.

“I’ll ship your stuff-” John started.

“Wait, stop talking. John, I’m not breaking up with you. Just listen to me,” Joe rushed out. “I love you, forever. I mean that, I mean it every damn time I say it. You didn’t give me a chance to explain. My dad dying put into perspective of just how unpredictable this life is. And that I want to spend every moment I have with you.”

Joe could hear the older man crying on the phone. He’s just on a roll for making the people he loves cry over the phone. He’s really gotta work on not doing that.

“You do?” John asked, like he still doesn’t fully believe his boyfriend.

“Of course.”

John took a deep breath. “What about Ben getting pregnant?”

John thought Joe was breaking up with him. But in reality John will be breaking up with Joe after he answers his question.

“I want a baby,” Joe blurted out. “Not right now or even in a couple months. I just want a baby at some point in my life, probably sooner rather than later. I know you’re 66 and have six kids already. I’m gonna be 35 and am probably nearing the end of my fertility. If we don’t have one, I’m okay with that. I will be more than please with our life together. It’s just if there is a teeny tiny open window of opportunity, I want to take it.”

If Joe didn’t here the heavy breathing on the other line he would have assumed John was disgusted with him. Or was so mad that Joe could be so greedy he hung up. He can only imagine John packing up the things he left behind at his house and shipping them back to New York.

Joe out his phone on speaker and rubbed his eyes until he was seeing stars. It was only maybe a max of ten seconds, but Joe felt like he waited years for the older man to respond.

“Joe, I-”

“I know I’m being greedy for wanting a baby,” Joe said cutting him off. “I know it’s not fair to you. But it’s also not fair to me. And I never went into this relationship thinking me and you were gonna make another six kids. I didn’t even think one.” Joe let out a long exhale. “Before you say no, just wait. Let’s talk about this when I come to visit. Please, John.”

Joe knew he was sobbing, he knew he look like a proper mess. He tried to steady his breathing. “I love you, John. Forever.”

“Lovely,” John said sweetly. “Please stop crying, you know I hate when you cry. Especially if I’m not there to dry your tears. I love you Joe, forever. Let’s hit pause on this conversation. We’ll pick it back up when you come here, Okay? Everything is going to be okay.”

“Okay,” Joe said, voice unsteady. “I need to sleep. I’ll talk to you soon?”

“Of course,” John said. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Joe hung up the phone filled with more emotions than he ever had. He’s not quite sure if everything will be okay. Joe whole hardheartedly wants to believe John. Joe hit pause on himself, stop himself from overthinking about the situation.

He pulled out his phone and stared at the pictures Ben had sent him. A side view of his bump and the one with Ben and Gwil holding a very teeny tiny bump. He can’t help but wonder what Ben is experiencing and how exited the pair might be. It was then that something sparked inside of Joe, no matter what John might think about having a baby (cos he’s not trying to think about that conversation until they unpause). Two of his best mates having a baby and getting married while the other two are getting married means nothing but celebrations all around. Joe ordered an insane amount of gifts online and shipped them to his mates houses. Joe’s favorite gifts he order were for John. Some new and fun lube and condoms. A pair a very lacy black panties and a few new toys. He added a note to the package, ‘See you soon ;)’. 

Before he went to sleep, he quickly changed his flight to a week earlier and sent John his new flight details. He’s rather eager to hit unpause.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe returns to London and couple hits unpause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the two delay on the update! I fell apart with proof reading, again. Big surprise!! Please let me know about anything that needs correcting.
> 
> Find me on tumblr Mother_mercury44

Joe couldn’t focus on anything but his up coming trip to England. He’s eager to see pregnant Ben and celebrate two of his best mates getting married. Redrafting his speech over a dozen times and practicing it via Face time with John, he finally was please with it. He went shopping at some New York boutiques to buy Baby Lee a few cute outfits. Ben had told him to stop sending stuff to their house, so Joe had to find himself a loophole. Joe knows Ben will pretend to be angry for a few moments but he’ll get over it.

Joe talked to know John every chance he got, he thought being on pause would make things awkward or uncomfortable. Instead, the pair are really treating this as a pause. First he was a little upset that John could so easily push this baby talk to the side. Then Joe realized that it's honestly for the best. It’s very easy for things to get lost in translation over texts, phone calls, and even Face-time.

The couple were all too familiar with miscommunication.

His flight over seas gave him the chance to think about what he wants to say to John and how he should say it. Trying to see things from both perspectives and practice understanding John’s concern about his age. The eight hour flight that would usually drag and seemed to take days went by ungodly fast. 

Joe felt unprepared and nervous as he stood in front of baggage claim. Chills fell down his spine as he made his way through the crowd. And his body nearly melted when he saw John standing there with a very sweet bouquet of flowers in his hands.

Joe nearly knocked over a group of girls as he trudged through the crowd to nearly jump into John’s arms. He nuzzled his face into John’s neck, breathing in like it’s his life source.

“I missed you,” Joe mumbled into John's neck.

“I missed you too, lovely,” John said squeezing Joe tight. “Let’s get you home and get you a nice meal.”

They broke the hug and Joe had a smirk across his face that made John raise an eyebrow.

“I know what I’m eating the second we walk through the door,” Joe said, planting a kiss to John’s cheek.

John laughed a little too loud for an airport and Joe didn’t mind at all. He loves John’s laugh and wants to hear it everyday of his life. John took his luggage in one hand and Joe’s hand in the other as they made their way to the car. Joe’s happiness hitting an all time high, not even caring about the possibility of an impending fight.

Joe had every intention of having John fuck him into next year the moment they got home. John insisted on him eating and showering before they did any funny business. They chatted over lunch about Ben and Gwil’s wedding, John nervously checking with Joe that he’s invited. Which of course John is invited. Joe’s still not used to how John can be so assertive and demanding in the bedroom but so shy and nervous in everyday life.

Joe only agreed to shower if John joined him. Which led to very slippery hand jobs and lot’s of hot and heavy kissing.

“I’m glad you’re here,” John said, washing Joe’s back. “I really thought when you called that day you were ending things.”

“Very silly of you to think that way,” Joe said softly. “I love you, John. Forever.”

“I love you, Forever,” John replied not skipping a beat.

He let his eyes flutter shut as John rubbed the washcloth all over and across his body. This shower is different from the one they shared when John surprised him in New York. That shower consisted of a sad and near depressed Joe having to be taken care of like a child. Having John wash his body and hair like he was incapable of doing it himself. John having to shave his face like his arms didn’t work. Joe feeling so empty and helpless. This shower was two lovers washing each other in a very intimate and sensual way. Almost using it as an excuse to touch the other one. 

Out of the shower and changed into lounge clothes, the couple unpacked Joe’s belongings in the master bedroom. John still had drawers filled with Joe’s clothes and Joe saw the gifts he sent John in the top drawer. He wishes he could break them out and have some very intense, dirty, and passionate sex. He’s unsure if John wants to jump in right away or hit unpause and focus on the whole ‘ _Joe wanting a baby thing_ ’. John has yet to mention it and Joe isn’t about to push his boyfriend into that conversation. 

“Can hear the cogs turning in your head,” John said while he folded Joe’s trousers. “You okay, lovely?”

“Yeah just jet lagged and such,” Joe lied. “Overwhelmed with Ben and Gwil’s wedding stuff.”

John walked over and planted a sweet and simple kiss to Joe’s temple. “You want to hit unpause?” John asked, voice very calm.

“I’m not trying to delay the conversation but can we wait until after the wedding? I just really want to focus on that and not worrying about us arguing or being weird,” Joe asked timidly. “Not that it’s going to be-”

“I know what you mean,” John said cutting the younger man off before he could go on for the next five minutes. “Sounds perfect to me.”

The afternoon was spent the two of them drinking tea in the garden and talking about just about everything. Well everything but having or not having a baby at some point in their life together. Joe loved the way the sun peaked through the clouds and shined very brightly on John’s face. Making his smile shine bright and his eyes glisten. He felt like an ass for zoning in and out of their conversation. He can’t help it, John’s just too damn distracting. 

Without even thinking, Joe got up and crawled into John’s lap. He snuggled up close as the older man spoke about their plans for dinner and wanting to take Joe on a small vacation before the press tour. Joe told John to take complete control of the vacation and John told him all his ideas. He listened closely and traced patterns on John’s chest, wishing John’s shirt was off so he could run his hands through his chest hair and feel the heat radiating off his body.

John eventually dragged the two of them inside and started to cook dinner. Joe wandered off to the bedroom to slip on the panties, a little surprise for John later.

After dinner was done, Joe offered to clean up. Making a show of bending over to give the older man a great view. Reaching up and allowing his shirt to ride up. Pulling out all the little stops to drive John wild. From the heavy breathing he heard at the kitchen table, he knew it was working. He especially made it a point to make sure the panties shown when putting away the glass dishes. After he had finished, John grabbed him by the hand and rushed them both into the bedroom.

John undressed them both in record speed except for Joe’s panties. He made love to Joe the panties pulled to the side to grant him access to Joe’s tight entrance. It made Joe feel dirty and hot. Hearing the older man grunt and babble praises as he pounded into him. Joe was on his back and that allowed him to maintain eye contact with John, more importantly allowing room for sweet kisses. Joe loves how even during hot and dirty sex, John will make it point to make sure Joe knows he is cared for and loved.

Joe slipped his hand inside the panties and came the second he started stroking his own cock. Ruining the panties and earning a loud moan from John who fucked into Joe four more times before spilling into the condom. Joe didn’t miss the look of complete and utter satisfaction on John’s face. John always apologized for coming first and has made it his mission to get Joe off first. He’s never seen the older man look so pleased.

John cleaned them both off, spending extra time removing the panties and cleaning Joe off properly. John already told him they are taking a proper shower in the morning.

“When you first sent those knickers, I thought you wanted me to wear them. I’m ecstatic you wanted to wear them and not me,” John admitted, running a soothing hand down Joe’s back. “You looked bloody delicious in them and we’re buying more.”

“I agree with you on buying more,” Joe purred. “And I would love to see you in a pair of them. If you feel comfortable, obviously.”

“I won’t look as good as you,” John said quietly.

“I know,” Joe replied quickly. “You’ll look better.”

-

The first part of Joe’s visit consisted of mostly being at Ben and Gwil’s side. Helping with wedding planning and giving Ben’s bump a hundred kisses every day. John accompanied him most of the time, mostly for moral support but interjecting every now and then to give his input on a small and simple wedding. Ben and Gwil happily accepted and took his advice, making Joe smile and his heart burst. 

Ben went with Joe to get fitted for his tux and Joe returned the favor by going with Ben. While Joe’s fitting went without any bumps in the road, Ben’s small baby bump caused a large bump in getting his tux. The one size was too big and the other size was too small. Joe tried to help and talk Ben down from having a freak out in the middle of the shop.

“Nothing fits. I’m huge already and I’m barely into the start of my pregnancy,” Ben said voice going high. “I’m not gonna fit into anything and whatever I do fit in is not going to look nice. I wish I could just wear my jeans and a jumper.”

“Why not?” Joe shrugged.

Ben let out a snort. Joe sat them both down on the chairs outside the fitting room. He placed a calm and soft hand onto Ben’s tiny bump.

“I’m serious,” Joe answered. “It’s your wedding, wear jeans or pajama pants. Wear a potato sack if you really want to. You guys said ‘quick and dirty’. I’m sure if you talk to Gwil about this he won’t mind. He’s crazy about you. He’d wear a sock on his dick and nothing else if you asked him too.”

“You think?”

“I promise,” Joe said, pulling him in for a tight hug. Being very mindful of the bump.

-

A quick change of plans and a week later, Ben and Gwil were married in a quick and dirty celebration. Both of them wearing jumpers and Jeans. The very small wedding party followed with the casual dress code as did their guest. Joe stood by Ben’s side and John sat next to Brian and Roger. A total of 32 people gathered in the garden to see the couple wed in a 10 minute ceremony. A reception filled with dinner, dancing, drinking, laughter and love followed.

Joe spent the evening dancing in his lovers arms and kissing Ben’s bump. He cried happy tears so many times throughout the night that John stopped counting. If Joe wasn’t as drunk and happy as he was, he would have mentioned to John that he saw him shedding a few tears during the ceremony. John has been bit of hopeless romantic since the beginning of their relationship and Joe loves it oh so much.

John shuffled the two of them into a taxi a little after midnight. Joe protested leaving, claiming he was wasn’t even drunk. It wasn’t until he puked at the end of John’s driveway that Joe realized his boyfriend was right.

“Drink some water,” John said, forcing Joe to sit up in their bed. “Lovely. Don’t make me tell you again.”

“Or what you’ll spank me?” Joe playfully slurred.

John rolled his eyes and kissed the young mans head. “If you weren’t three sheets to the wind I would be doing more than spanking that arse,” John said in a low voice.

Joe tried to wink at John but kept blinking both eyes. He eventually gave in and finished off the glass of water that John gave him. He fell back on the pillow and tried to ignore the room spinning.

“I had a lovely time,” John said rubbing Joe’s hip. “Thank you for asking me to be your date.”

“You’re gonna be my forever wedding date,” Joe said smiling. “I love you, John. Forever. Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I love you, Joe. Forever,” John replied. “I’ll always take care of you. But don’t you dare think about getting this drunk at our wedding.” John’s voice was filled with playfulness and love.

Joe’s face blushed and John’s words seemed to make the room spin even faster. He knows they spoke about getting married but Joe worries that John will change his mind over this whole baby conversation. Or worse, Joe fears he might change his mind if John doesn’t want a baby. He’s afraid marriage might be off the table once they finish with the baby conversation.

“Joe?”

“Sorry,” Joe said quickly. “The room is spinning and I think I might puke.”

“Want to move to the bathroom or would you like a bucket?” John asked getting out of bed.

“Bucket.”

John placed a chaste kiss to his lips and went to fetch a bucket. Leaving Joe alone to calm his breathing and stop the room from spinning.

John set Joe up with a bucket and another glass of water. Joe thanked him with a couple grunts. Thankfully the pair are so in love that John accepted the grunts without a second thought.

“John?”

“Yes.”

“Everything is gonna be alright with us, right? I mean when we hit unpause,” Joe sighed. “Are we gonna be alright?”

“Of course,” John replied. He rubbed circles into Joe’s back. “We’ll always be okay.”

Joe rolled over and plastered his sweaty body against John’s. He knows damn well he smells like vomit and sweat and alcohol. He also didn’t miss the way John inhaled his scent like he’s a damn flower.

Joe has to trust John and believe in him, that everything with them will be alright.

-

After that night, everything was alright. Joe and John went about their days so wrapped up and so in love with each other. Hand holding down the street, while in shops and out for walks in the park made Joe’s heart soar the moon and back. The very passionate yet sometimes very hot and dirty and rough sex left him in such a state a bliss. Joe honestly forgot they were on pause.  
  
Dinner with Brian and Roger have become a more regular thing with the four of them. Joe can’t help but smile as the three older men joke around like nothing has changed over the past 20 years. He doesn’t miss the way John lets out his loud belly laugh and sheds a few tears from laughing as Roger recounts stories of the old days. He really loves it when Roger makes a sexual joke at his and John’s expense. John will sip his drink casually and say a simple ‘wouldn’t you love to know.’ John will sneak his hand to Joe’s legs giving it a squeeze that makes Joe want to melt into a puddle.

Joe’s not quite used to having dinner and hanging out with the members of Queen like it’s no big deal. He feels silly for telling John it can get over whelming. But John gives him a sweet kiss that tastes like home and love, reminding Joe that he should never feel silly. Even with John grounding him and keeping him calm in his everyday life, he’s glad Ben and Gwil live rather close and can see them whenever he wants.

Joe spends his time at the Lee residence awing over Ben’s bump and watching them struggle to pick a name and theme for the nursery. Even with Joe longing to have a baby of his own, his focus is still 100% on Ben and Gwil’s baby. Buying to many gifts and too many outfits, no matter how hard John tries to stop him. Which is quite bold of the older man since he has picked out a few too many outfits and toys to spoil the baby.

Watching John in the shops look through racks of baby clothes makes Joe’s heart jump out of his chest. It also makes the knot in his stomach more apparent. A constant reminder that the pair are still on pause. A constant reminder that they still have to have a serious conversation about their future. A conversation that has the potential to end with a breakup.

Joe wasn’t sure when they were planning to hit unpause. He’s been in London for three weeks and is only here for another week and a half before he heads home to New York. 

Not wanting to delay it any longer, Joe bit the bullet one night when they were relaxing in the living room after dinner.

“Are we planning on hitting unpause before I leave?” Joe blurted out. He didn’t miss the way John’s eyes shot open. “I mean their wedding is over and I’m going crazy waiting to have this conversation.”

John let out a long sigh and run his hands through his hair. “I’ve been avoiding it,” John admitted. “Very childish and cowardly of me.”

Joe turned himself to face John as they both sat on the couch, the movie long forgotten about.

“Unpause?” Joe asked timidly.

“Unpause,” John replied.

Joe had planned this out and had all his points he wanted to say. As he sat there with John, he knew he wanted to go back further than just wanting a baby. 

“When I told you I had a pregnancy scare after I left London, your reaction was _‘I used a condom and sorry you had to go through that alone’_. I know that was the start of our relationship and but that made me feel terrible,” John admitted for the first time in since then. “I slept with a guy in England and five weeks later I think I might be pregnant. I find out I’m not pregnant and that the guy I slept with who almost knocked me up is the guy I’m playing in a movie. I was stressed for months and had so many things going through my mind and your only words were _‘I used a condom and sorry you had to go through that alone’_.”

Joe could barely hear himself speak with how rapid his heart was beating. He swears his heart is in his throat. He watched as John listened to his words carefully. He watched as a few emotions flash across his boyfriends face: confusion, anger, and something that resembled sadness. 

“Joe, you really think I didn’t _care_? That I didn’t feel like rubbish for putting you through that? You told me about the scare and I felt even worse for the utter shit show that happened the first few times we met. Don’t assume I didn’t care,” John said firmly. His body was tense. “I cared the second you told me and it’s been on my mind every single day since then. You didn’t seemed phased by it or even wanted to talk about it. I didn’t want to bring it up, especially if you wanted to forget it.”

Joe made a promise to himself to be better at expressing how he feels. That he’s done leaving things unspoken cos it seems to only make it worse. Had Joe made it a point to talk about this when he first brought it up, they wouldn’t here so many months later. Both with their unresolved feelings and completely unaware of what the other one is feeling. Maybe they would have spoken about their thoughts on having children and John would have said he doesn’t want any and they would have broken up. 

Joe could feel his head and the room spinning with all the ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’.

“You have made it painfully clear to me on many occasions that you don’t want kids. So why the hell would I bring up the pregnancy scare I had? For you to remind me that you’re glad it was just a scare cos you don’t want anymore kids?” Joe replied, his mouth moving faster than his brain. “I’m not dumb, I know why you wouldn’t want anymore kids. John, did you ever think about me for a second? That every time you say something about not wanting kids, it feels like I’m being knocked down on my ass.”

“Joe, that’s not-”

“I’m willing to give up having kids for you. No questions asked,” Joe said, cutting John off. “You have given up so much to be with me. I know how much you value your privacy and you gave that up for me. And I am so thankful for that, so fucking thankful. I’m not saying that you should have to want kids just for me. I think you should consider it or maybe even think about my wants for a second.”

Joe could feel the tears steadily streaming down his face. He could feel his stomach sinking as he spat the words out to his boyfriend, who looks crushed. His boyfriend who didn’t deserve Joe’s harshness.

“John, I’m sorry,” Joe apologized, grabbing John’s hands and placing them in his own. “I didn’t mean to sound like an ass. I’m so sorry, John.”

“Are you finished, lovely? Do I get the chance to speak? I love hearing your voice but I would like to speak,” John said. He smiled softly and place a kiss to Joe’s lips.

A very chaste kiss that felt like home and grounded Joe. This is his John. His John just listened to him ramble on for minutes and sat there listening to every single word. His John who has done nothing but given Joe nothing but unconditional love and affection. His John who would move heaven and earth for him. Joe is painfully aware he is an ass. 

“I’m done,” Joe admitted. “I wasn’t thinking and my mouth wouldn’t stop moving. I just-”

“It’s my turn,” John said playfully rolling his eyes. John put a finger to Joe’s lips when he went to open them again. “You talk so much sometimes and I love it. But right now Joe, I need you to just stop talking.”

Joe gave a his boyfriend a smile and nodded his head. Not wanting to open his mouth in fear of not being able to stop himself.

“Joe, I wish you would have spoken to me about this sooner. I know I’m not the best with communicating. I’m trying to get better, but I need you to work with me on it. My life was heading in a completely different direction before we started dating,” John sheepishly admitted. “I was a single old man living in a house filled with unpacked boxes. I didn’t do much and didn’t think much would happen with the rest of my life. Then we started dating and things changed. You gave my life meaning and changed things for the better.”

Joe’s heart was beating out of his chest. He always said John came into his life at the right time. That John is the missing piece from his life. He always assumed John felt the same way but hearing it out loud made it very real. Joe didn’t care that he was crying and probably looked crazy letting out choked sobs.

“I never thought I would fall in love again. Then I met you and realized I could. I never thought about marriage again. Then we started dating and I realized that my life would be considered a waste if I don’t marry you,” John proclaimed. Joe could hear the love and truth in his voice. “I didn’t think about kids, honestly. I didn’t know if you wanted them or wanted them but not with a 66 year old. I didn’t realize my comments were hurting you. I don’t know why I said them. Maybe to remind myself that I probably won’t be having anymore kids? As if I was preparing myself for you to say you didn’t want kids with me.”

Joe rapidly blinked his eyes. “Why would you think that?”

John rubbed his eyes, clearly trying not to groan in frustration. “I’m 66 and not even sure my swimmers are still strong enough. The 32 year age gap between has and will continue to be an issue, no matter how much we love each other. You say I’m not thinking about you and how you feel? Joe, that’s all I think about,” John answered. “Since we started dating I put you into consideration for everything I do.”

“I already told you how I feel,” Joe said, nearly whining. “I want a baby and you clearly want one. At least I think you want one. Then why do I feel like were on different pages still?”

“This isn’t chicken or steak for dinner,” John replied, rubbing his eyes. John’s voice getting slightly rough and loud. “This is a baby. A baby that will change our lives, a huge life changing decision that requires a whole other conversations. There are things that have to be discussed and you can’t go whining and pouting and stomping your feet to get your way.”

“I’m not whining or pouting or stomping my feet, John,” Joe scoffed.

“Well you are acting like a child,” John snapped.

Joe swallowed thickly and stood up from the couch. He expected a few different ways this could go. But being called a child by his boyfriend wasn’t one of them. The couple haven’t had a serious fight yet and Joe knew this had the possibility of going in that direction.

Exhausted from the conversation and slightly pissed with his boyfriend, Joe turned on his heels to head towards the bedroom.

“Where are you going?” John asked from the other room, voice filled with confusion. “We’re in the middle of a discussion and you leave?”

“Well according to you, I’m too much of a child to continue this conversation,” Joe yelled back, regretting it instantly.

Joe didn’t bother to wait for a response, instead he slammed the bedroom door shut. Also, regretting that instantly. Underneath the duvet and wallowing in his own self pity, he waited for his boyfriend to join him for bed. Joe must’ve drifted off for an hour or so before he woke up to the bed dipping and a warm body pressed against his back.

Joe let out a very sleep groan and turned his head at an awkward angle. His eyes were closed and he pouted his lips waiting for a kiss he knew he didn’t deserve. John kissed him gently, the older man lips tasting a chap stick and toothpaste. And home. His kiss still taste like home.

The fit together like two puzzle pieces in bed. Joe pulled John’s arm over his body and kissed sleepily kissed his knuckles.

“I love you, forever,” Joe said, his voice thick with sleep.

“I love you, forever,” John replied lovingly. “Now go to sleep lovely, we’ll chat in the morning.”

-

Joe woke to a note by the bedside locker that John had to help two youngest sons with something and would be gone till late in the afternoon. Admittedly he’s happy, he needs a hot minute to cool down and think about how he’s going to apologize to his boyfriend. The problem he caused is too big and Joe can’t fix it by getting on his knees and blowing his boyfriend. Well after the fight is resolved he’ll definitely do that but he can’t start that way. 

Joe started by tidying up the house a bit, not that the house is dirty or John expects him to clean. It just makes Joe feel a bit better. Joe made himself breakfast and jumped in the shower. When Joe finished all of this and realized it was barely noon, he started overthinking and going a bit crazy.

Joe phoned Ben who agreed to spend the day with him. 

“So are you gonna leave me hanging?” Ben asked, casually looking over his menu.

Joe didn’t want to stay inside today but Ben felt too fat to leave the house. Joe had to bribe his pregnant mate with buying him lunch for him to agree to go out. 

“John and I are fighting,” Joe said sipping on his tea. “I caused it, the whole thing is my fault and I feel like shit.”

Ben raised an eyebrow for Joe to elaborate.

Joe went on to tell him everything since the night he called John from New York. How John thought he was breaking up with him all the way up to how Joe acted lie a complete and utter child last. Joe felt foolish as he told Ben, especially now that he has calmed down and can think clearly. He knows he over reacted and barely gave John time to say his piece.

Joe spoke and Ben listened as he rubbed his small bump. Joe kept his eyes fixated on him, trying to hide the pain in his voice. He knows he shouldn't be jealous. If it’s any constellation, he’s also so fucking happy for his friend also. It balances out.

“You utter tit,” Ben joked, flicking a chip at Joe’s face. “You caused this whole mess.”

“Yeah but he’s not seeing it from my side and-”

“What do you think John means when he takes everything you do into his consideration?” Ben said, impatiently waiting for answer.

Pregnancy really brought out a whole new level of sass in his blond friend.

“He’s so worried about what I think and I want,” Joe rolled his eyes. “I told him I want a baby and he just keeps saying we really need to discuss this. As if I’m unaware of what goes into raising a baby.”

“If this is how you were when talking with John, I’m surprised he didn’t kick your arse back to New York,” Ben replied. “I can’t speak for John but honestly mate I think you’re way off track. I think him taking you into consideration and talking about the age gap is more about the fact that he’s 32 years older than you. I don’t want to sound morbid and I’m sure you’re aware that you won’t grow old together.”

Joe’s eyes widen at Ben’s comment about John’s age. It wasn’t mean, it’s very true. But also not Ben’s place.

“Ben, that’s really bold of you to-”

“Shut up,” Ben said calmly. “I think he means that he thinks about him and you getting married and having kids. That means you being widowed and raising your kids alone. He probably doesn’t want to put you through that.”

Joe downed his lukewarm tea, wishing it was a pint. He always knew the reality of them not growing old together. He came to accept it early on and never had a second though after that. He never thought how that reality would effect John.

“Oh,” John said quietly.

“Again, I can’t speak for John,” Ben explained, putting his hand in Joe’s. “Talk to him and let the man speak for himself.”

Joe gave a thankful smile and dropped his hand to Be’s small bump. He felt very dumb and selfish. Not to mention like an asshole for treating John like that.

-

After lunch and a day of shopping, Ben dropped Joe home. Giving him a kiss for good luck and reassurance.

John was seated in the garden with a book and a cuppa. Joe wanted to pepper his face with sweet kisses and analogize for hours.

Joe decided against that and took a seat beside him.

“I’m sorry, John. I acted like an idiot,” Joe said quickly. “I didn’t think about you or how you feel. You mean the world and more to me and I really am sorry.”

John reached out to grab Joe’s hand. “I forgive you. I’m sorry for snapping and calling you a child. I was frustrated and you didn’t deserve it.”

Joe leaned over to pepper his faces with kisses before sliding into the older mans lap. “Let’s talk again? I promise no to be so damn annoying.”

“Sounds perfect,” John replied kindly.

Ben was right. John admitted to Joe that he feels terrible if he were to leave Joe behind with a small child. That Joe would be stuck in London with no family and have to move house to another continent. John went down the list of every fear he has, all being very reasonable. Joe listened closely and didn’t interrupt the older man. No matter how hard he wanted too. Only when John had exhausted all his fears did Joe reply. He let John know that his fears were valid and normal. That couple with a four day age gap fear the same thing. That being afraid is okay but it shouldn’t stop them if they want this.

After nearly two hours of having a normal and healthy conversation about this, Joe still had one more question.

“So where do we stand on this?” Joe asked, not sure if he wants the answer.

“I want a baby with you,” John replied proudly. “Once our lives are settled after the press tour and I finally get the ring out of my brief drawer, let’s talk then about trying for a baby.”

Joe let out a goofy grin. “Shut up about the ring in the brief drawer. But that sounds like a plan,” Joe agreed. “I love you, forever.”

“I love you forever, lovely,” John replied, slowly moving down Joe’s trousers.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe and John discuss plans of moving in and there is still a ring in the brief drawer. John gets a little insecure and Roger is cute as shit.

Joe’s stay in London went by fast and had to be the greatest time of his life. Nothing spectacular happened, just him and John being on the same page really made things better. Joe didn’t feel like he had to hide his feelings about longing for a baby around his boyfriend. He no longer felt jealous around Ben and his growing bump. There was no longer a thick, unspoken tension between him and John.

Things going this well made Joe more at ease about returning home and continuing their relationship an ocean away from each other. It didn’t mean he was happy about leaving his boyfriend and he’s not ashamed he cried in the airport.

“Don’t be sad, lovely. We’ll talk every day and I’ll be out to you soon enough. I love you, Joe,” Joe said softly kissing Joe’s lips. “Forever.”

“I love you, John. Forever,” Joe said sniffling into John’s chest. “It’s just the press tour is starting soon and I won’t be able to see you as often.”

“You won’t miss me that much when you’re fawning over Ben’s bump,” John chuckled.

Their goodbyes lasted another 11 minutes and Joe had to rush through everything to make it to his gate on time. He already made a mental note to purposely miss his flight next time. 

-

Joe forgot how utterly sad it is being away from John. They talk on the phone and text everyday but it isn’t close to the real thing. John has a visit to New York planned and Joe has a countdown on his fridge until John arrives. 

Joe had busied himself in organizing his apartment and getting rid of the things he doesn’t need or use anymore. He wants to be prepared for John’s arrival this time, not wanting his apartment to be as gross as it was last time. John video chatted him to keep him company and help Joe (who is a serve pack rat) get rid of the things cluttering his apartment.

“Why the sudden need to purge?” John asked casually. “Are you planning on moving?”

Joe felt his face heat up. They never really talk about moving in with each other, it’s not like they only live two towns overs. It would mean moving across the ocean to a different continent and changing ones citizenship. Joe knows it my sound pathetic but he would do all that to move to London in a heartbeat.

“I wanted it to be cleaned for you,” Joe explained before taking a deep breath. “And I’m only moving if my boyfriend lets me move in with him.”

“You don’t want to stay in New York?” John frowned. 

Joe shrugged his shoulders. “I love New York and I’ll miss my family. But I don’t want to do this long distance forever,” Joe explained carefully, trying to read the older mans face. “Obviously there's things to figure out and I’d have to gain citizenship eventually, but yeah I’d move to London if you asked me to.”

John let out a very sarcastic huff. “I should’ve proposed to you when you were over here. We could have started the process.”

Joe rolled his eyes in pretend annoyance, but his heart rate definitely picked up thinking about John proposing to him. 

“You keep talking this big game of proposing but,” Joe said holding up his ring-less left hand. “There’s nothing on here.”

John laughed as Joe inspected his hand, pretending to look for a ring. 

John changed the subject and Joe went pack to purging. Their call ended the way most of their calls ended, extreme amounts of dirty talk and Joe coming so hard he thought he passed out.

Joe couldn’t wait until John’s visit and he no longer had to use his hand and John’s voice over the phone to jerk off.

-

John showed up early in the morning and Joe picked him up at the airport. At a red light, he snapped a quick photo of their hands intertwined in the car. He uploaded it to Instagram with the caption, _“Reunited and it feels so good”_. 

Back at his apartment, Joe let John shower and change while he made them an early lunch and put the kettle on. He wanted his boyfriend refreshed and fed before he jumped John’s bones. 

“Feel better?” Joe asked as John sat down at the table.

John only nodded yes as he sipped his tea that Joe had set out for him. “Lovely, Ben texted you,” John said glancing down at Joe’s phone. 

“Can you read it and just respond? He’s been complaining about his already swollen feet, just make him feel better,” Joe laughed.

He had gotten used to Ben’s daily messages. Complaining about something different each day. And while Joe didn’t mind it one bit, he could use a break from it at the moment. John also has a certain touch to him that just makes everyone feel better about themselves. 

Joe was nearly finished with lunch and he kept glancing over as John played around on his phone. They couple had nothing to hide and always let the other on their phones. Joe set down their plates a few minutes later and John set his phone down with a smile.

“I saw some very naked photos of you that you never sent me,” John fake pouted.

“I don’t take many nice ones that often so I gotta space them out,” Joe laughed. “God damn, you randy old man.”

The couple ate and caught up. Joe read the message John sent Ben, very heartfelt and caring and more effective than Joe’s messages to Ben. He gave John a wet kiss to his lips and plopped himself down in John’s lap.

“I’m still hungry,” Joe purred.

“Weird, I am too,” John growled back. John slid his hand under Joe’s shirt.

Joe kissed John once more and jumped off his lap. “Race ya,” Joe exclaimed.

They raced to the bedroom, Joe stripping off his clothes along the way. Once in the bedroom and both mans were stripped down to their briefs, Joe pulled John down on the mattress. Intertwining their legs and hungrily kissing each other, Joe let out involuntary loud moans encouraging John to squeeze Joe’s arse tighter. The couple laid together, making out like horny teenagers for a few good minutes.

Joe kept grinding his erection into John’s leg, trying to get any relief. “Fuck, John,” Joe moaned when John slipped his hand into Joe’s briefs. “Missed your hands. Missed kissing you. God, I’m so lucky to have. So fucking beautiful, John.”

Joe wrapped his hands around John’s neck and crashed their lips together. “I still can’t believe your mine,” John growled into Joe’s mouth.

“All yours John,” Joe moaned. He slipped his hand inside of John’s briefs to grab a hold of John’s cock and _Oh_.

John slipped his hands out of Joe’s briefs and quickly pulled down his own briefs and wrapped one hand around his own soft cock, stroking himself quickly. “Sorry, Lovely,” John apologized. “It’s not you. You are so bloody beautiful and sexy. I’m just a bit jet lagged and all over the place.”

Joe kissed John sweetly, unlike everything they have been doing the last few minutes. “It’s okay, babe,” Joe cooed, his sweet expression turned sultry. “Want my hand or my mouth?”

John stroked himself quicker and shook his head. “I don’t need you to subject yourself to sucking my soft cock, Joe. Let me just get this going,” John explained. His tone changed from annoyed with himself to slightly embarrassed.

“Come one,” Joe whined, peppering John’s chest with kisses. “Let me take your cock in my mouth and suck it till it’s nice and hard. I wanna feel you growing hard inside my mouth. It’ll be so fucking hot, John.”

“Keep talking,” John moaned, hand still working his cock.

Joe kept up his dirty talk, he wasn’t as confident as John in that department. He’s willing to try his hardest if that’s what his boyfriend needs. He watched John work his own cock with hunger in his eyes and licking his lips at the sight. He wasn’t even playing it up for boyfriend but he knew it helped. After two minutes, John let go of his still soft cock and let in sit flaccid between his leg as he stared at the ceiling.

Joe touched the older mans shoulder. “John,” He started. “It’s okay, I really don’t mind helping.”

“I don’t think it’s gonna happen, not today,” John explained, face not looking away from the ceiling. “I’m sorry, lovely. You don’t deserve this, give me a second and I’ll get you off.”

John hadn’t look at Joe long enough to notice the younger mans cock starting to soften. Joe really didn’t mind, not that John is going to believe him. His boyfriend has enough insecurities about his performance in the bedroom. And today probably made things worse.

“Babe,” Joe said kindly, stroking John’s jaw with his thumb. “It’s normal and okay.”

John didn’t react to Joe’s touch or his words. Joe pressed a kiss to his jaw and laid his head on John’s chest.

The moment didn’t last long before John started to get up. “I’m going to make some tea,” John explained, his tone flat as he put his clothes back on.

“I’ll come with you-”

“Joe, I’m fine. I can put the kettle on myself,” John snapped and Joe flinched. “I’m sorry, lovely.” John placed a kiss on Joe’s forehead and pulled him in for a hug. “You get dressed, I’ll make tea, and we can plan dinner.”

Joe nodded yes into John’s chest.

After John left Joe alone in the bedroom, Joe let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He really didn’t mind John not getting hard. He knows all too well from his own experience that it’s a bit damaging to ones ego. His own experience with a few bad cases of whiskey dick with previous partners damaged his ego a few notches.

Joe and John have a very active sex life. Filled with their own kinks and secret desires that they are very open about. John is always asking Joe if he’s happy with their sex life or if there’s things he wants to change about it. The older man is insecure about his age and body not turning Joe on. Which blows the younger mans mind cos he has earth shattering orgasms every time. Joe has never fake one moan with John and can’t see it happening in the foreseeable future.

Joe is fully aware that John is older and this may happen. But the older man has never struggled before and Joe can’t help but wonder if it really had to do with him being jet lagged and tired. Or maybe the older man was stuck in his own head and over thinking as usual. He wants to bring it up and talk about but he doesn’t want the older man to get embarrassed. He doesn’t want to make things worse by forcing them to talk about it. And he doesn’t want to make it worse by not talking about it.

Joe knows the right thing to do and knows he has to do it.

-

Joe didn’t bring it up until they were in bed that night.

Both men only in the their briefs, snuggling very tightly, and talking about things they want to do while John’s in town. He waited for a lull to bite the bullet.

“John,” Joe said. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I think we should talk about it.”

John froze. “It was nothing, Lovely. I’m old and sometimes I can’t rise to the occasion.” John said with a nervous laugh. 

“You never had a problem before,” Joe said quickly. “What’s on your mind?”

John helped Joe off his chest and sat with his back to headboard. “Does our age gap ever bother you?” John blurted out.

Joe shook his head and raised a confused eyebrow.

“You don’t ever think about what it would be like to be with someone not 32 years older than you? Someone who is more public or doesn't mind their face being shown? Someone you can grow old with? Someone where you don’t have to hide your embarrassment? Someone you-”

Joe waved his hand. “I’m gonna stop you right there,” Joe said firmly. “I don’t feel any of those things and need to know where this is coming from?”

John shrugged his shoulders.

“ _Tell me, John._ ”

“Your social media post,” John admitted. “I don’t go on often but I went on today when I responded to Ben. Lovely photo but some very nasty comments. I don’t care what people say about me but I hate the thought of you having to read that rubbish every time you want to post something.”

Joe’s eyes widen as John spoke. He usually makes it a point to delete all of the negative and nasty comments. Today he must have forgot. He knows he can’t get rid of all of them but he wants to get rid of what he can. He’s use to what people say and tries his hardest to not let it bother him. 

“John, I’m sorry,” Joe apologized. “I usually delete them. Don’t worry about what people say. They don’t matter, only me and you matter. I love you, John. Forever.”

“People say terrible things about you and you don’t deserve it,” John said, his eyes starting to swell with tears.

“Neither do you,” Joe kissed John on the lips. “You are beautiful and kind and sexy. I’m so lucky you’re mine, John. I deal with the assholes online and the press cos you’re worth it. This is so damn worth it.”

“I’m worth it?”

Joe nodded yes, ready to dive into a cathartic speech about how much John is worth it. He decided to show John he is worth it. To really prove to John that he is worth it. 

Joe spent the spent kissing and worshiping every inch of John’s body. Covering him with hickeys and love bites as he told John just how much he loves him and his body, the older mans body was flushed red as he let out soft little moans. Joe watched of John’s cock twitched and became erect between his legs. Joe drooled at the sight.

He took John’s thick member into his mouth, giving his boyfriend the most intense and mind blowing blow job ever. He popped off right before John could finish. He pressed John’s legs into his chest and went further down John’s entrance.

Joe licked his lips and smiled before licking a heavy stripe over John’s hole. John moaned loud enough to be heard across the world. He ate out the older man like it was his last meal. John has never allowed Joe to eat him out, he never said a reason and Joe respected that. Until today when every thing clicked into place that he probably felt insecure about it.

Joe ate him out until the older mans hole was wet and open enough for Joe to slip a finger in. He pumped into John’s hole and attacked his prostate. John came with a cry and his hand around his cock. It took Joe pumping his own cock twice before he spilled into his hand. He wiped them both down and pulled John to his chest, enjoying their post orgasm high together.

“When did you finish?” John asked.

“Right after you did,” Joe explained. “I nearly came untouched.”

“That was incredible,” John said sounding very fucked out. “You’re incredible Joe.”  
  
“You taste fucking incredible,” Joe smirked. “I’m gonna eat that ass out every damn day. Should have been doing that from the start.”

“Maybe next time you can fuck me?” John offered. “If you want to.”

Joe let out a growl, feeling his dick twitch.

“That was a silly suggestion,” John said shaking his head. 

“John, I’m trying to think non sexy thoughts to stop myself from getting hard. I’d love to be inside you,” Joe blushed. “But please let’s change the subject, I’m still too sensitive but my cock will still get hard.”

John laughed at the younger mans expense and Joe followed laughing at himself. Even though it was a tab bit painful to bring up the uncomfortable subject, Joe’s glad he did. A problem came between them and they dealt with it and resolved it in one day. As opposed to Joe and John hiding how they feel and a miscommunication falling between them resulting in a hot mess. 

Joe hates that no matter how many times he tells John that he’s worth, the older man won’t believe him. Joe has no problem spending the rest of their lives proving to John just how much he is worth it.

-

John and Joe spent most of their time sorting out his apartment. He had boxes of clothes that needed to be donated and bags of garbage to be thrown out. Joe kept wanting to delay the process by snuggling his boyfriend or blowing the older man in the living room. And while John allowed for a few distractions, he mainly shut down all of Joe’s attempts.

“Every time we pause for a break just means we’ll be doing this even longer,” John sighed. “Come on, we’re nearly done.”

“So wise, John. Care to give me anymore of your wisdom,” Joe purred, reaching for the older mans belt.

John playfully swatted Joe's hands away. “Work now, sexy time later.”

Joe pouted and went back to going through his hall closet. A closet he hadn’t touched in probably years. He usually shoved random bits and bobs in there when he had no other place for things.

Joe pulled out a few things and started to go through shoe boxes. Pictures of him and his dad on vacation and little trinkets he put away for safe keeping. That have gone completely forgotten about until now. Joe slid to the floor and let his emotions take over him. Clutching the photos to his heart and letting a few tears spill from his eyes. 

“I don’t hear any movement. You better be cleaning or-” John started but stopped once he saw Joe’s state. “Oh no, lovely.”

John knelt down next to Joe and cupped his face. Joe showed felt like a child, on the ground crying and unable to articulate why. He showed John the picture and more tears spilled from his eyes.

“I forgot he was gone,” Joe explained. “I’ve been so wrapped up in my own life I literally forgot my dad is dead.”

John stood up and reached for Joe’s hand, he took the older mans hand and let himself fall into John’s chest.

“Put a film on and I’ll put the kettle on,” John said with a soft smile.

“You British people think everything can be fixed with a cuppa,” Joe grinned.

Joe put on a movie that was long forgotten about and the cuppa did make him feel better. But John talking to him made things make sense. John’s words made him put things into perspective and made his feelings feel validated. John spoke about how it doesn’t make anyone a bad person to forget a loved one has passed. John spoke about how he sometimes forgets that Freddie has been gone for 27 years.

“I miss him every day,” John said softly.

“You don’t talk about him often,” Joe stated.

“You don’t talk about your dad very often,” John quickly replied.

“Touche.”

John opened up more about Freddie in in this conversation than he has in the entire time Joe has known him. Telling stories about Freddie’s kindness and how lovable and stubborn the older man could be. He talked about everything from the his audition for Queen and first meeting Freddie all the way up to his sickness and eventual passing. John told him how hard he found life after Freddie died and how his grief put him in such a state of depression. How he asked his ex wife for a divorce cos he felt terrible for dragging her down. 

Joe felt waves of emotion throughout his body. He always assumed the two were close but he hearing it now made it real. It put into perspective of John’s life after Freddie and just how hard the John has it. John speaking about the feelings he still feels makes Joe’s heart ache. John spending so long in such a state of pain makes Joe wonder if he’ll experience the same sort of heart ache towards his own father. To feel this way for the rest of his life, he feels slightly better knowing he has John by his side to talk to him and to make him feel better. Especially on very very hard days, days like today.

-

John’s visit went by far too quickly and Joe found himself in London a few weeks later. The couple continued on with the pattern of visiting each other over the next two months. It isn’t ideal but the pair wanted to spend as much time together before the press tour started.

Every trip to London Joe brought over an extra suitcase of his belongings to leave at John’s place. Joe couldn’t wait for the day that he could call it ‘ _their place’_. John insists that it’s as much of Joe’s home as it is his. Joe made it very clear until John puts a ring on his finger, it’s not his place. It’s a silly joke Joe makes every time and John jokes about the ring in his brief drawer.

Joe always rolled his eyes at the same over played line.

It wasn’t until his last trip to London, the last one before the press tour, he believed the older man.

Joe was by no means snooping. 

Joe was looking to surprise John when he came home from the shop. He figured wearing nothing by John’s briefs and waiting in a sexy position in the living room would be sweet and simple. That’s when he saw the little velvet box, he didn’t think twice before opening it. Not even remembering John’s words about the ring in the brief drawer. He opened the box and saw a very beautiful and simple band. It was when he picked it up to inspect whose ring it might be he realized it was for him. Inscribed on the inside of the band was ‘ _I love you, forever’_. The way they’ve said I love you to each other since the beginning. 

Joe’s heart rate picked up and he thought he might actually faint. 

All of John’s little jokes about the ring were true. He wondered when John actually bought the ring. He shoved the ring back in the box and put it safely in the drawer. Hoping it looked untouched and that John wouldn’t notice he had moved it.

-

That night the two gave each other slippery hand jobs in the shower. Joe couldn’t wait for the day he could wrap his hand around John’s thick cock while wearing that ring. 

While changing for bed, Joe watched as John opened the drawer to grab his briefs. Joe couldn’t help but pray he was grabbing he ring. When John didn’t, Joe meant to let out an internal sigh but accidentally let it out loud.

“You okay there, lovely?” John asked, sliding on his briefs. “Sorry to disappoint you by putting on my briefs but I don’t think I could go another round.”

Joe smiled at John’s honesty. “No, it’s not that,” Joe said kindly.

“What’s on your mind?” John questioned.

Joe bit his lip and quickly weighed his options before realizing that there’s not harm in just being open and honest. Cos waiting for John to propose will actually kill him. Joe’s never been a patient one.

“Your brief drawer,” Joe said, very out of context.

“Would you like to borrow a pair?”

Joe let out a tiny snort. “Come on don’t make me say it,” Joe whined, suddenly feeling very shy. “I saw it, John.”

“You snooped,” John accused with a smile.

“I didn’t snoop,” Joe defended himself.

Joe explained how he tried to surprise the older man and found the ring. He told his boyfriend how he genuinely didn’t think the ring was for him and until he saw the inscription. John seemed very understanding as Joe explained himself, a big cheeky grin on his face.

“So,” Joe trialed off.

“I told you I had a ring,” John smirked. “You didn’t believe me, lovely. Always have to be so stubborn."

John turned on his heels and for a brief moment the younger man thought John might be mad. He heard the opening of a drawer and John faced him again, this time hold the tiny velvet box. John took a seat next to Joe on the bed.

“My knees are too old to get down on,” John said, his eyes starting to fill with tears. 

Joe could see his hands shaking and Joe felt his own heart beating out of his chest. His own eyes starting to fill with tears as he stared at John. His very _very_ beautiful boyfriend who he loves more than anything. His boyfriend who is going to ask Joe to marry him and Joe will answer with a yes. They’ll be happy and get married and may or may not make a baby. And like the fairy tales he read as a kid, they’ll live happily ever after. But for some reason Joe is finding himself nervous and the slight tremble in John’s voice let’s him know the older man is just as nervous.

“I wouldn’t want you to get down on one knee anyways,” Joe replied truthfully.

John took the Joe’s hands in his own and gave him a sweet little kiss on the lips. “And I know you wouldn’t want me to ask,” John pointed out.

Joe nodded yes and laughed.

“So let’s get married,” John said oh so very casually. Like they agreed on a pizza topping and Joe loved it.

Joe wiped away john’s tears with his thumbs. “Yeah,” Joe hiccuped. “Let’s get married.”

John opened the box and slipped a ring the one Joe’s finger. John picked up his hand placed a kiss to the ring. Which led to a heated kiss and the couple making love on the bed. John had a very proud smile on his face as he pounded Joe into the mattress. And when he wasn’t smiling proudly, he was kissing the ring on Joe’s finger.

Coming down from their highs and cuddling up closely, Joe stared at his ring with hearts in his eyes. “I don’t know when you want to get married, but I’d very much like it if you wore an engagement ring too,” Joe stated.

“I have a matching one,” John said chuckling. “It’s in my other drawer.”

John moved Joe off of him so he could get the ring from the drawer. He slipped in on and slipped back into bed.

“You really thought of everything, huh?” Joe asked, holding John’s hand in his own. Their rings touching touching together.

“Not really,” John admitted. “Only up to this point.”

“Well then,” Joe replied quickly. “We’ll figure it all out together.”

-

A few weeks later, the pair met up with Gwil and Ben for lunch.

“I was wondering why you invited us to lunch when I’ll be seeing you for the next few weeks on the tour,” Ben smirked while rubbing his bump. Which seemed to have doubled in size. “But those rings tell me were celebrating an engagement.”

Ben and Gwil congratulated the couple with kind words and over a thousand hugs. Ben demanded to hear the whole story and cried as Joe spoke. He blamed it on the hormones but Joe knows Ben is just as big a sap as he is. 

“When’s the wedding?” Gwil kindly asked, squeezing Ben’s hand. 

“Uh- today,” Joe said awkwardly. “John insisted on a bigger wedding and I said something more like you two did.”

Ben and Gwil kept an eyebrow raised while waiting for one of them to continue.

“We went back and fourth for a few hours before we asked each other what really wanted,” Joe explained. “We both just wanted to be married. Quick and dirty.”

“We filed the paperwork and we’re going to the registers office today,” John smiled. “Brian and Roger are meeting us there and we would like for you two to join us.”

“Please,” Joe added.

“Of course,” Gwil exclaimed.

“Quick and dirty,” Ben grinned. “I love it. I wonder where you got the idea from.”

-

It was quick and dirty.

The whole ordeal lasted maybe 14 minutes. Joe couldn’t his eyes off of John. He knew he had this stupid grin plastered across his face and he couldn’t careless. Their guests smiled and cheered when the couple said ‘ _I do_ ’ and officially became husbands.

The six of them retired to John and Joe’s house for a little reception of drinking and celebrating. Joe and John stayed plastered to each others sides, sipping off each others glasses. They used every excuse to say ‘ _my husband_ ’. Ben must have taken hundreds of photos and gave a few too many sober speeches about his love for Joe and John.

_His husband._

Later in the night when Joe and Roger went to get drinks in the kitchen together. Roger made jokes about them consummating their marriage and jokingly asked Joe if he needed any tips on how to please his husband. They joked around a bit while getting the drinks before Roger turned the conversation to a serious matter.

“When Deaky first told me about you two doing the dirty I was a little mad at you,” Roger admitted, which took Joe by surprise. “I liked you from the moment we all met but finding out that you were upsetting my Deaky hurt me. I wanted to give you one good punch.”

“Oh.”

“Then John told us all the details and explained the misunderstandings,” Roger added, his tone changing. “That’s when I realized Deaky loves you and I saw how happy you make him. Then I no longer wanted to knock you out.”

“Thanks,” Joe said awkwardly. “I think?”

“ _No_ ,” Roger said pointing his finger. “Thank you, Joe. Thank you for giving me one of my best mates back. It was hard losing Freddie, he died and I can't do nothing but miss him. Losing Deaky was heart breaking, cos he's still here. You got him back and I don’t know how to repay you. Brian and I, we owe you everything.”

Roger pulled Joe in for a crushing hug and planted a friendly kiss to his cheek. “He deserves the best and you are the best,” Roger smiled. “Don’t make me regret saying that.”

Joe caught a glimpse of John laughing, his eyes crinkled and he had a his hand over his mouth trying to conceal his loud laugh. Something Joe hates, he hates when John hides any bit of him. His husband is beautiful and Joe is fully aware he is the luckiest man alive.

“I won’t,” Joe replied, his eyes glued on his husband. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe adapt into the newlywed life as Joe embarks on the press tour. Ben has a baby. Joe and John are very very happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the 20 day wait, I thought I would have more time with being quarantined. Apparently not. Thank you for waiting around and sticking with me. I appreciate it as always. :)
> 
> Please stay safe where ever you are in the world!

Joe finalized his move to London in the very tiny amount of time after their wedding and before the press tour starting. Leaving New York and his family behind was heart breaking and bitter sweet. He never thought he would leave New York, not in a million years. It’s his home. It’s so much of who he is. But New York doesn’t have his husband. And Joe would move to another Galaxy to be with his husband.

John accompanied Joe on his last visit to New York. Joe had face timed his mom after the engagement and kept her updated on the wedding. She wasn’t too please with not being at the wedding, but quickly got over it when she noticed just how over the moon her son was with his marriage. His mom, his siblings and Joe shed happy and sad tears the whole trip. Which led to John making sure everyone knows they are more than welcomed to come visit whenever they want. His mom instantly booked a trip to London.

Saying goodbye to John before taking off for the press tour left Joe with a mixture of emotions. He was gutted to leave his husband for a while and overly excited for this adventure. He didn’t want to imagine not sleeping next to and waking up next to John everyday. He’s grown too used to the comfort of the older man next to him. The excitement of the tour is enough to distract Joe from missing his husband too much.

-

“Oh hey, Mazzello! I’m sorry, I mean _Deacon_. Word on the street is that you got married.” Rami said sarcastically, as if Joe didn’t message him the morning of his wedding. 

Before Joe could apologize ( _again_ ), Rami pulled him in for a bone crushing hug and congratulated him ( _again_ ) on getting married.

Joe still feels slightly guilty for not having Rami there. It wasn’t intentional or anything. Just the way it happened. He apologized a hundred times and Rami reassured him that he’s not mad, just happy for the married couple. Joe is 100% sure his marriage wouldn't survive if Rami didn’t approve of it.

“John wants to plan something when the tour is over and Ben has the baby,” Joe smiled. “My mom and siblings are coming out and his kids are invited. Still nothing huge, super close and intimate.”

Joe and John had yet to announce they marriage publicly yet, no reason other than the pair said it’s their own business. 

“You did quick and dirty better than me and my better half,” Ben smirked, stroking his growing bump.

Joe has said over a hundred times and will say over a hundred more but pregnancy looks so damn beautiful on Ben. And Gwil’s hand looks like it was made to stroke Ben’s bump.

“We both wanted to just be married to each other,” Joe sighed dreamily, thinking about his beautiful husband. “And we did just that.”

Joe talked about their little honey moon of touring the English countryside and spending a weekend away in New York. He gave them almost all the details, leaving out the dirty details. Even though Ben begged to hear them. He talked about how he and John have been decorating the house by putting pictures of them everywhere. Joe had to stop talking about John before he started crying over missing his husband only after a day.

The tour went by smoothly even with a sad Joe and a pregnant Ben. The boys found themselves laughing and reminiscing every moment they could. Taking way too many pictures for Instagram and just over all causing a scene everywhere they went.

Which was a great distraction for Joe missing John. Missing the way his husband smells. Missing the way his husband snores after a night of drinking. Missing the way John will join him in the shower. Missing literally every single thing about his husband. He’s glad the cast let’s him ramble about missing his husband and they don’t seem to get sick of him. Which Joe so desperately needs since their marriage isn’t out in public yet.

It wasn’t until one interview when Joe was asked how his boyfriend, John, feels about the movie bringing Queen to the attention of a whole new generation.

“He loves it,” Joe said proudly. “He may not be in the spotlight or touring but he’s still very much apart of Queen. On our honeymoon, John was telling me that he never thought Queen would be brought back to life. Yeah, they have always been popular but Bohemian Rhapsody is the first time some kids are first hearing about Queen.”

Joe was so proud to talk about John that he didn’t even realize he let it slip until Ben squeezed his thigh.

“You and John Deacon are _married_?” The interviewer asked, confusion very clear in her voice. 

“Uh- Yeah,” Joe said hesitantly, but quickly gaining confidence. “We got married a bit ago. We love each other and wanted to keep loving each other as husbands.”  
  
A string of ‘awes’ swept through the room and Ben made kissing noises. Joe spoke very briefly in the interview about marrying John and kept the details very vague as to not let anyone pry into their private life. He knows people and the press will have a lot to say, both good and bad, when the news breaks that they married each other. He knows what people will say cos they have been saying it since he announced they were dating. 

Once the interview was over, Joe quickly called John to let him know about the accidental slip up.

“Oh lovely,” John said chuckling. “It’s bound to happen, better you announcing it than the press finding out first.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Never could be mad at you,” John replied. “I love you, forever.”

“I love you, John. Forever.”

Joe slipped both of his rings back on and quickly uploaded a few pictures of him and John from their wedding day to Instagram with the caption ‘Oh yeah. Forgot to mention that John and me got married’. He left his Instagram at that and let his followers and the press have a field day. He’ll read them all, respond to the nice comments, and delete the hateful ones tomorrow. Right now he just wants to focus on how happy he is.

The tour and premiers went by a little too quickly for Joe’s liking. It mainly consisted of interviews, red carpets events, cuddling a pregnant Ben, and lot of steamy phone sex with his husband. Joe isn’t complaining about any of it, it was easily the greatest time in his career. He knows how important this movie is to the cast and how many doors it will open. He knows how important it is to the men of Queen, of honoring their own story while focusing on Freddie’s story. 

But all Joe can focus on is getting through security at the airport to run into his husbands arms and spend a solid 24 hours in his arms to make up for lost time.

-

“I missed you,” Joe said rubbing his fingers across John’s bare chest after a round of very soft and slow sex. “Missed my husband while I was away.”

“Oh that’s very funny cos I missed my husband while he was away,” John said kissing the top of Joe’s head.

Joe went on and on about the tour and how cute Ben is these days and John listened to every word he said. John asked many questions and had hearts in his eyes as Joe spoke in deep detail about everything. 

“Seems like you had quite the adventure,” John smiled.

“It was amazing,” Joe said sitting up in bed to grab his water. He chugged half the glass and watched as John’s heavy gaze on him. “I owe it all to you. Without you joining Queen, I wouldn’t have gotten this role and I wouldn’t have met you. Bohemian Rhapsody was a crazy and fantastic adventure. But you, John, are my favorite adventure.” 

John sat up in bed and kissed his husband softly. Joe moaned into the kiss, trying not to let his dick get interested too fast. 

“I’m ready for our next adventure,” John smirked.

“Yeah?” Joe asked, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe we should pick a place neither have been too and spend a week there. Might be nice to get away and-”

“I’d love to travel the world with you, lovely. I was thinking something else,” John interrupted.

Joe tried not let his mind run wild and guess what John is saying. Cos if John is thinking what Joe is thinking, Joe might actually drop dead on the spot. But if he’s wrong, Joe might not be able to come back from it.

“Like maybe a baby?” Joe asked in a childlike way. He tried to mask the excitement in his voice.

“Maybe a baby,” John grinned. “We toss the condoms and we have lots and lots of sex. If we make a baby, I’ll be over the moon. And if we don’t, at least we tried.”

Joe pounced on his husband and peppered kisses alone his jawline. “Are you serious?”

“I am,” John said kissing him back. “I don’t want us to get our hopes up in case it doesn’t happen or can’t happen. I’m 67 and not sure how strong my swimmers are. So you have to promise me that no matter what happens, we will be okay with it.”

“I promise,” Joe said raking a hand down John’s chest. “I’ll be happy either way, I can’t believe you want to try.”

“I don’t want to wake up years down the road and regret not trying. I want this to work. I want us to raise a baby together more than anything,” John smiled. “You’d make an incredible father and I want to give you that opportunity.”

Joe straddled John and gave the older man a sultry smile. “You wanna put a baby in me?”

“First thing in the morning,” John said, leaning forward to kiss Joe’s nose. “I’m gonna put a baby in you.”

-

Joe was disappointed to wake up from his dream. His very hot and steamy dream of being plowed by his husband. The disappointment faded once Joe felt John’s erection pressing into his arse. 

“This explains my dream,” Joe purred. Rolling over to face his husband. “But the reality is much better than my dream.”

“Wanna tell me about your dream?” John asked, kissing Joe’s lip.

“Oh it was nothing special,” Joe replied playfully, cupping John’s thick hard on. Before John could respond, Joe slipped his hand inside the older mans briefs. He stroked the hard cock a few times. “Want you to put a baby in me, John.”

“Been waiting for you to wake up so we could get to baby making,” John growled. The older man rolled over on top of Joe and passionately kissed his husband. “Can’t wait to put a baby in you.”

Joe moan into John’s mouth and thrusted up to gain from friction against his aching cock. 

Both men shed their clothes and rolled around naked with each other, moaning and giggling like virgins. Sex with John has always been one of Joe’s favorite things, but knowing they’re trying for a baby this time makes it so more erotic. Joe moaned at the thought of having John inside of him with no barrier between them. Joe reached over in the bedside locker to grab the lube, smirking as he left the condom behind.

Joe pressed the lube into John’s chest. “If you don’t start with some fingers soon, I’m gonna do it myself.”

John growled. “As much I was would love to watch you open yourself up, I want this to be special. I want to be the one making you feel good and moaning my name,” John said, pouring lube onto his fingers.

Joe spread his legs a bit more to give his husband better access to his entrance. John slowly opened up the younger man, gradually adding more fingers until he he had three fingers inside Joe’s tight heat and the younger mans back was arched off the bed and he was chanting John’s name over and over again. John sucked on Joe’s neck and used his free hand to lazily stroke Joe’s cock. 

“I’m good, babe. Need you. Need your cock in me,” Joe panted. “Come on, put a baby in me. Fill me up.”

John kissed him one last time before pulling his fingers out. Joe watched as John slathered his erection with lube and nudged his cock inside Joe’s tight heat. Both men moaned in time with each other as John slowly pushed his way in.

“Oh yes, John,” Joe moaned once John was fully seated. “Fuck, I don’t think I’m gonna last long.”

John leaned down to kiss his husband and waited for Joe’s signal that he can move. 

It was the slowest and most passionate sex they have had to date. John clasped his hand with Joe’s and let the room fill with soft moans and ‘I love you’s’. Joe could feel his husband deep inside of him and knowing there was no condom made Joe’s eyes roll to the back of his head. Joe knew John could hardly contain himself since he was constantly slowing his thrusts. 

“I love you, Joe. Forever,” John moaned into his mouth. “Gonna fill you up. Gonna put a baby in you. I can’t wait.”

“Please John.”

John worked Joe’s cock in his hand, pumping him a few more times before Joe arched his back off the bed and spilled his load between the two of them. The sight and feeling of Joe tightening around his cock was more than enough to push John over the edge. The older man thrusted two more times before finishing inside of Joe. The younger man let out a dreamy moan as he felt his husband finish inside of him.

John rested his head on Joe’s shoulder, making no moves to pull out. “Gonna stay in for a hot minute,” John whispered. “Feel too good around me.”

“I wasn’t gonna let you pull out right away anyways,” Joe purred.

After a few moments, John finally pulled out and immediately pulled Joe into his arms. John held the younger man in his arms, kissing the top of his head repeatedly. Neither of them cared about the terribly sticky mess on their stomachs or the mess sliding down Joe’s legs. Not when there is a chance that Joe could end up pregnant after today.

“That was incredible,” Joe sighed.

“I agree,” John replied. “You’re incredible. You are gonna make a great dad and I hope we get to raise a babies together.”

“Babies?” Joe questioned. “Let’s get through one baby first, you randy old man. Now I know why you have six children already.”

  
“And you’re gonna give me number seven.”

-

John and Joe tried to have sex as often as they could. They found themselves nearly camping our for two weeks in the house. Laying in each others arms, having sex, and just being completely enveloped in each other. The excitement of trying for baby had the married couple living on cloud nine. It was almost as if nothing else in the world mattered but the two of them. They decided against telling people that they were trying for a baby. Not wanting the pressure from loved ones or fear of having to tell them it’s not working.

So the pair really were in their own little bubble of happiness. It wasn’t until Ben’s baby shower that the couple had to leave their bubble.

After a slow morning of Joe riding John in bed, the couple slowly washed each other in the shower.

“I can hear the cogs turning in your head,” John said over the sound of the shower. “Spit it out, lovely.”  
  
Joe popped his eyes open and met his husbands gaze. “I feel like I’m lying to Ben,” Joe explained, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s gonna wonder why I’m not pounding beers for the two of us.”

John ran the wash cloth across Joe’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to them. “Drink water and say it’s a vodka water,” John offered. “And you’re not pregnant now so having a beer or two isn’t going to cause harm.”

“I know. I just want everything to go smoothly and I don’t want to risk anything.”

John agreed with a hum and they went back to silently washing each other. Washing his husband is one of Joe’s favorite things to do. A close second to having sex with his husband. Being naked and intimately washing each other will never get old. Joe knows he wants to wash his husband for the rest of his life. Being able to run his hands across John’s broad shoulders and his hairy chest and feeling his strong arms makes Joe’s heart flutter. Being able to grope John’s arse and gently rub John’s cock makes Joe’s dick twitch. As much as Joe would love to brace the shower wall and let his husband fuck him slowly from behind, his arse is a bit sore from the crazy amount of fucking that’s been going on. 

Joe knows John fears he might not meet his needs or how John gets embarrassed if he can’t get it up for a second round too close to the first or way too late at night. So Joe really appreciates his husbands determination to fuck him a minimum of once a day, anything after is a special treat. 

Joe washed John’s cock a little more than necessary and started lazily stroking it until it was fully erect against his tummy.

John let out a soft growl. “Mhm lovely,” John moaned. “I don’t think we should, you’re arse is probably sore.”

Joe pressed himself against John and left out a high pitched moan when their cocks brushed together. “I know,” Joe moaned into John’s ear. “I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for everything you do for me, babe.”

Joe sank to his knees and licked one wet stripe up John’s heavy cock while he fondled the older mans ball with his other hand. After a few licks, Joe sank his warm and wet mouth down on John’s cock, his eyes fell shut and he let out a content hum once John’s fingers started to tug on his hair. 

A sloppy and wet shower blow job may not be the sweetest way to thank his husband for everything but he knows John really fucking appreciates it.

-

Joe had spent half of Ben’s pregnancy fawning over Ben and his pregnancy glow and the other half of it planning his baby shower. Joe may have gone over board with decorations, food, drinks, and games and he doesn’t care in the slightest. Not when he is so overjoyed with happiness for his best friend. 

Joe and John arrived early to put the Lee residence to put the final touches on everything. Well Joe and Ben put the final touches, Gwil and John opened up a few beers and chatted quietly in the corner.

Joe was finishing up some finger foods while a very pregnant Ben sat on the counter eating the already prepared food.

“I can’t believe in a few short weeks, you’re gonna be a dad. I’m so excited for you,” Joe said with a blinding smiling. “Are you and Gwil ready?”

“We have everything we need and everything is set up,” Ben explained. “I’m ready, well as ready as I can be. Gwil is terrified he’s not going to be a good dad.”

Ben and Joe looked over to their husbands where they were sharing a few laughs together. Joe’s heart nearly exploded when he saw the way Gwil looked at Ben’s bump. Joe has his fingers crossed that he’ll have the chance for John to look at him like that.

“He’s gonna be an amazing father,” Joe offered. “I think most dads start to freak out. John always talks about how terrified he was when his first was born. It’ll come naturally to him once the baby is born.”

“I tell him that all the time. I know he mentioned talking to John about it,” Ben said. “I guess hearing it from a father will help him. I know you both cleared the air about the whole baby situation, but where do you two stand?”

Joe froze for a moment and quickly went back to cutting sandwiches, hoping the younger man wouldn’t notice. He’s really looking forward to lying to his best friend.

“I’m sorry mate,” Ben said placing a comforting hand on top of Joe’s. “I didn’t meant to bring it up. I know how badly you want a baby.”

Joe offered a weak smile and placed a kiss to Ben’s cheek. “I’m fine. Today is all about you.”

-

Joe was utterly exhausted after the shower and couldn’t wait to sit down once it was over. He spent the whole day on his feet getting people drinks, putting the gifts away, and organizing games. He barely had a moment to himself which helped with him not having to explain why he wasn’t drinking today. He did walk around with a champagne glass filled with only orange juice, just to ease suspicion from Ben.

On the couch across from them, was a very tired and ever more pregnant Ben with his feet in Gwil’s lap while Gwil rubbed them. Joe sat snuggled up in John’s arms, eyes fluttering shut.

“John, you better your husband home soon. Looks like he helped himself too much to the bubbly,” Gwil joked.

“Not even drunk,” Joe mumbled.

“He was drinking his bubbly with orange juice,” Ben said raising an eyebrow. “I thought that was weird so maybe he isn’t drunk.”

“Or maybe he’s pregnant,” Gwil chimed in.

Joe still had his eyes close but he heard Gwil say ‘ow’ which only means Ben hit him with something. Joe opened his eyes and saw his two friends looking very apologetic. 

“I’m not pregnant,” Joe said casually before looking to John who gave him a nod. “We started trying a few weeks ago and I wasn’t drinking today because I’m hoping to get pregnant soon.”

Joe let out a relaxed sigh when John kissed the top of his head. He loved the happy grin that was on Gwil’s face and the happy tears starting to form in Ben’s eyes.

“Joey,” Ben said wiping his tears. “This is such an exciting time. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Don’t get too excited yet,” Joe said. “We’re just trying and seeing what happens. If we make a baby then we make a baby and if we don’t then we don’t. We didn’t want to tell people in case we don’t make a baby and we have to tell-”

“Joe and John, neither of you have to explain,” Gwil offered. “This is your private life.”

Ben mumbled a sorry and had Gwil help him off the couch and Joe got off to meet his mate in the middle. Ben pulled Joe in for a tight hug, well as tight at they could with Ben’s swollen belly. Joe kept one hand firmly panted on Ben’s belly and the other on Ben’s back.

“I’m so happy for you,” Ben whispered into Joe’s ear. “No matter what happens, you’ll always be a third daddy to my baby.”

“I know,” Joe whispered back. “I love you, Ben.”

“I love you,” Ben replied. “But I’m keeping my fingers crossed you get your own baby with John.”

“Me too.”

-

While Joe and John didn’t want to tell anyone, it seems to be working out better that Joe can talk to Ben about it. And same with John and Gwil. 

Gwil seems to call John nearly once a day to ask questions to prepare him for Ben’s labor and fatherhood. John gladly gives him advice and listens to the younger mans worry and doubts then John offers advice and words of wisdom. Ben and Joe’s conversation revolve around Ben’s birth plan and baby names. Ben and Gwil decided to not find out the sex of the baby. (Which is driving Joe mad. He already told John that they are finding out the sex of the baby if they end up pregnant.)

A month has gone by and Joe took a test, only to find out he’s not pregnant. John kissed his temple and simply said sometimes you don’t get it on the first try. Joe didn’t find himself discouraged like he though he would. They upped their normal sex routine and went on with their lives.

After two months of trying and a negative pregnancy test, Joe let out a groan and threw the test in the trash. There’s always next time, Joe said to himself.

-

A few days later, Joe was on his back as his husband slowly thrusted into him early in the morning. They had been trying to get as much sex in before Joe left for award season. Fingers crossed that they would make a baby.

“Fuck,” Joe moaned when John hit his prostate. “Right there, babe.”

John let out a grunt and picked up his pace. “You like that?”

Joe left out a soft moan as his husband thrusted into him and nibbled at his neck. Joe took his own cock into his hands to stroke himself with the help of his husband hitting his prostate. John came a moment later, recovered from his own orgasm and moved Joe’s hand so he could finish him off. Joe came with loud cry and his husbands name on his lips. 

“That was incredible,” John panted. “Have a good feeling about that one.”  
  
“Me too,” Joe said, fully believing himself.

Once the couple was cleaned up and showered, Joe finally checked his phone only to see he had a few missed calls from Ben and Gwil. He quickly listened to the voice mail they left only to hear that Ben and gone into labor. John assured Joe they didn’t have to rush to the hospital, that they had plenty of time. Joe told him he didn’t care if he had to wait there all day. His best friend is having a baby.

-

John and Joe sat in the waiting room, waiting for their updates from Gwil. Who seemed very calm and very excited. Joe couldn’t help but hug Gwil tightly with every update.

After what felt like days even though it was only two and a half hours, Gwil came out with tear stained face, a blinding smile, and pictures of a very sweet baby girl named Lily. Once Ben was situated and ready for visitors, John and Joe raced up to his room. Joe loved the smile on John’s face and held his husbands hand tighter as they entered the room. 

A very exhausted Ben was laid out on the bed, cradling tiny Lily in his arms. Joe is positive he’s never seen his best friend look more beautiful than in this moment. Joe stood frozen in his tracks at the end of the bed, smiling with tears in his eyes at his best friend.

“You wanna hold her?” Ben ask, offering the tiny bundle of sweetness to him.

Joe nodded and moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to Ben. He wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders and pulled him in for a half hug, squishing their cheeks together.

“Congratulations, Benny. She’s beautiful,” Joe said, swooning over the baby in Ben’s arms. “I’m so proud of you. How are you feeling?”

Ben placed Lily into Joe’s arms. “Good, sore. Really sore,” Ben said with a tired laugh. “It was all worth it. I’d do it all again and hundred times.”

The four of them chatted about Ben’s labor; Gwil freaking out the entire time, Ben threatening to cut of Gwil’s dick, and the two of the bursting into tears once the room was filled with a baby crying. They passed Lily back and fourth, documenting her first day and Joe and John’s first time meeting her. Joe had a nice little photo shoot of the Lee family. John offered advice on chest feeding when Ben struggled the first couple times.

“You’re doing amazing, Ben. It’s hard at first,” John explained. “This is something both new to you and Lily.”

Ben wiped the tears of frustration off his face. “Thank you,” Ben replied. “Today has felt like five days. I’m glad you both are here. You helped so much through the pregnancy and I know you’ll both be here for the three of us forever. We’re very lucky. And Lily is lucky to you two as Godparents.”

Joe and John eyes widen and their faces broke into smiles. “You mean that,” John asked, his voice sweet and soft.

“Absolutely,” Gwil replied firmly. “That is if you would like to be her Godparents.”

“Of course,” the married couple responded in unison.

Gwil offered to take a picture of the couple holding their Goddaughter. Joe didn’t care if his smile looked too cheesy in the picture. he’s never been happier than he is in this moment. He felt like he was floating on cloud nine. He was so happy he felt nearly dizzy. A little too dizzy. 

“John, take the baby,” Joe said quietly. Trying not to cause a panic with the new parents. “John. Please.”

John carefully took the baby away from Joe and asked him what was wrong. The last thing Joe remembers before hitting the ground was the terrified look on John’s face.

-

Joe slowly opened his eyes to a dimly lit hospital room and was greet by a pale John.

“Here,” John said, holding a cup of water with a straw to him. 

Joe drank a few big gulps, earning a pleased smile from John.

“You fainted,” John stated. “You frightened me, lovely.”

“I felt dizzy,” Joe explained, voice raspy. “I didn’t eat today.”

John grabbed Joe’s hand and traced over his knuckles. John placed gentle kisses along them.

“Yeah the doctors ran a few tests, since I had no idea what could have cause it. Most of the blood work came back normal,” John explained. “One weird thing that popped up is that you are pregnant.”

John spoke so causally that Joe nearly missed what he said. 

“I am?”

“Very much indeed,” John said, tears forming in his eyes. “We’re gonna have a baby. You gonna be a dad.”

John explained to Joe how after they said he was pregnant from the blood work and John had no clue, than did a quick ultra sound. Finding out that Joe is about five weeks and that last pregnancy test must have been a false negative 

Joe pulled his husband into hug and peppered kisses along the older mans jaw. “I’m having your baby,” Joe purred.

“You’re having my baby,” John said in awe. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe's pregnancy and the labor and delivery of Baby Deacon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feel free to point out any typos! I'll proof read tomorrow.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr morther_mercury44 :)

Joe was discharged from the hospital the same day and was sent home to rest by the doctors. As much as he wanted to run and tell Ben and Gwil he’s pregnant, he also wants them to have their moment. He’ll tell them another day.

Setting up an appointment for his eight week ultrasound was the first thing he did before leaving the hospital. Waiting two weeks to see his baby seems like a lifetime and John assured him it’ll go by quickly. Just like his due date of August 11th will be here before he knows it. John has already made over a dozen jokes about the baby being his early birthday present. And Joe agrees.

Christmas was spent the two of them in their home together cooking together while John drinks enough wine for the two of them. All of John’s kids managed to stop by either on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. While things were a tad awkward at first since Joe hasn’t really had the chance to sit down and chat with all of them, they all told him how much they care for him and how happy he’s made their dad. Seeing John with his kids and grandchildren made Joe’s heart skip a literal beat. Knowing that he’ll get to see John be father to their baby had Joe putting a hand the bottom part of his stomach. Resting over a nonexistent bump.

Which didn’t go unnoticed by John’s oldest son, Robert, who did a double take before Joe had time to move his hand.

A while later, Joe was putting on the kettle for evening tea while John was in the living room entertaining his grandchildren. Robert offered to help him and Joe so badly wanted to decline, not wanting to tell Robert that he’s pregnant just yet. 

“So,” Robert said, gathering mugs from the cabinet. “How far along are you?”

Joe was a bit taken back by how forward Robert was, but not as taken back from the first time they met. Robert had pulled him to the side and said something along the lines of “ _if I find out you’re using my dad, I will make you regret it_ ”. They have since moved forward and have gotten along quite well, considering Joe is closer to Roberts age than John’s. They chat regularly on the phone and Joe and John are constantly over at Roberts house for visits. 

Joe hesitated and stumbled over his words, cursing himself for not being able to get it together.

“My wife used to hold her flat stomach all time, especially when we hadn’t told anyone yet,” Robert grinned over his shoulder, putting Joe at ease.   
  
“A little over six weeks,” Joe explained, grinning from ear to ear.

“Were you trying or was this a happy surprise,” Robert asked carefully. 

“We were trying,” Joe explained. He turned to face the older man, afraid of the reaction on his face.

Joe was pleasantly surprised when Robert opened his arms and invited Joe in for a hug. Whispering congratulations as to not cause a scene and have most of the family come running in, which Joe was glad for. They broke the hug as soon as the kettle whistled, Joe caught Robert wiping a few tears away.

“I’m so happy for the both of you,” Robert said cheerfully. “My dad was fawning over you more than usual today. Then I saw you’re hand on your stomach and I just knew.” 

Joe explained how he found and when they are planning on telling the rest of the family. They want to wait just a tad bit longer, since it’s still fairly early into his pregnancy. The older man promised to keep it a secret and Joe gave him thankful smile. Robert offered Joe advice on being a new dad and advice he learned dealing with his pregnant wife. The two bonded for a few minutes before John called from the other room wondering when the tea was coming.

They chatted over tea with the fireplace blazing in front of them and the soft sound of Christmas music over the record. Joe held back tears, already thinking of next Christmas when him and John get to celebrate their baby.

-

Joe had his legs in stirrups while John stood next to him holding his husbands hand. The exam had gone by quickly anything was in order, the ultrasound seemed to take the longest. Joe kept giving John worried looks as the doctor maneuvered the probe around Joe. The older pressed a kiss to his temple and told him to be patient. 

Joe ignored the rude look from the doctor and made a mental note to ask to switch doctors.

“Alright, there’s your baby. Looking very healthy,” the doctor said, pointing to the screen. “Measuring correctly and a strong heartbeat. Are you having any issues?”

“Just some headaches and I’m always tired,” Joe responded. “But nothing too bad.”

The doctor let out a _mhm_ and printed out a few photos few them to take home. The appointment was over and Joe was getting dressed and could feel the anger building in the pit of his stomach. 

“He was fucking rude,” Joe snorted, pulling up his pants. “I’m switching doctors. Cos if I have to push a baby out with him in the room I might purposely kick him in the face.”

John playfully swatted Joe’s arse and helped him with his sweater. “He did nothing wrong, lovely,” John replied.

“He was focused more on giving the two of us dirty looks than he was making sure the baby was okay,” Joe said, voice trembling. “If he had a problem with our relationship, he should have said something instead of making a disgusted face anytime you kissed me or showed any normal human affection. I really can’t believe some people will-”

“Joe,” John interrupted. “We can switch doctors, lovely. People are going to have their opinions and say rude things but none of that matters to me. You and our baby matter to me.”

John place his hand on Joe’s flat stomach and Joe placed his hand on top of John’s. They shared a smile before John kissed the younger mans lips. 

“Our baby,” Joe said, cooing at the sonogram picture. “That’s our baby, looks like an olive.”

“A very cute olive,” John smiled back. “Our little olive.”

-

Joe debated how he was going to tell his mom. He wanted to fly back home to tell her but the fatigue and headaches only got worse as the next two weeks went on. He decided on ordering her and the baby matching shirts and having it shipped to her house. He did the same with his siblings, playing it off as a late Christmas gift. Asking them to face time him and John when they open them.

His mom cried tears of happiness for five minutes before she could say a word to either of them. John let out relieved sigh and Joe joined his mom in crying. Between her sobs, she let out congratulations and blew them both kisses. 

“You are going to make such an amazing father,” Virginia cooed. “I’m so happy for both you of. You’re father would be so happy for you.”

Joe beamed at that and held back tears as he wished his father was still here. They chatted about baby stuff, his mom gave pregnancy advice, and told them they need to come for a visit once Joe is feeling up for flying. His mom requested daily bump pictures and to be updated on sonogram pictures once they get new ones.

Joe ended the call and turned to his husband who looked equally as happy as the younger man. 

“We still have a few more people to tell,” Joe said softly, kissing his husbands jaw. “But that can wait. Want you to fuck me.”

John moaned when Joe placed his hand over his clothed erection. “That can be arranged,” John growled, flipping them over so he’s on top of the younger man.

-

John and Joe told the rest of John’s kids, who couldn’t be happier for the two of them. Veronica cried and offered to babysit anytime they need her. John had been terribly nervous to tell her and let out a very log breath once she told them how over the moon she is for the two of them.

Telling Brian and Roger went smoothly until Roger teased John for having the worlds strongest sperm, earning himself a playful swat from Brian. Roger gave Joe advice on the best positions for sex as he gets further along in his pregnancy. The two chatted about about their pregnancies while Brian congratulated John for becoming a father for the 7th time. Joe’s favorite part of the night is when Roger thanked Joe (yet again) for giving them their best friend back and making John the happiest lad on the planet.

Joe gave the older couple a copy of the sonogram and Brian immediately hung it up of their fridge, nest to the picture of the four of them at John and Joe’s wedding.

They told Ben and Gwil when they were over at the Lee residence to visit Lily. 

“No bloody way,” Ben said, jumping off the couch to nearly tackle his best friend. “You’ve been hiding this from me.”

“I didn’t want to steal your thunder,” Joe explained. “You just had a baby.”

“Have you seen how cute she is? Not a thing could steal her thunder,” Gwil joked. “I’m so so excited for the two of you.”

They shared hugs and kisses and Joe explained he found out when he fainted at the hospital. Earning a pillow being thrown at him from Ben, who was mad Joe didn’t tell him then. Joe held Lily in his arms, smelling her head and cuddling her gently. They talked about Ben and Gwil missing award show season, Ben isn’t ready to travel with Lily or leave her yet. Joe is going to miss having his partner in crime but completely understands. 

Joe had a mini photo shoot with everyone, Lily being the main model as he put her in all the newborn outfits him and John bought her. Joe snapped a photo of John holding Lily, not caring that he started crying. Blaming it on his hormones and his big goofy heart.

\- 

Joe was sad leaving his husband behind but knew he needed to be there for Rami. Joe debated how he was planning on telling his best friend he’s pregnant. Instead of over thinking it, Joe decided to just blurt it out when he first saw in their hotel.

“On purpose,” Rami asked, clearly confused. 

Joe nodded yes and Rami and Lucy formed a group hug. Squeezing Joe as tight as they safely could. Rami already told Joe he’s calling John later to discuss this with him. 

The three of them had a grand time catching up, discussing wedding details for Lucy and Rami while also discussing john and Joe’s baby business. Putting Joe’s anxiousness at ease for the first time since he left John. 

The awards shows came and went. A giant blur of Joe crying and dealing with a very drunk Rami who insisted on drinking for the two of them. John constantly called to make sure Joe was taking care of himself and Roger wasn’t making too many sexual jokes about him and John’s relationship. Joe would tell him he’s fine and insist on some very steamy phone sex. The pregnancy hormones had Joe needing sex more than he ever needed before. He counted down the moment until he was getting pounded into the mattress by his husband.

Joe was finally thankful for his sleepiness when it came time for the plane ride back to England. He drifted peacefully off to sleep, dreaming about being in his husbands arms. The dream took a very wet turn when they went from cuddling to Joe fucking John. John’s legs hooked over his shoulders as he gave it to his husband. Joe was woken up by a flight attendant telling him they are descending, thanking the heavens he had a blanket over him. Concealing his very hard erection. 

Joe’s dream stuck with him. John had mentioned Joe fucking him before and Joe was into the idea, but didn’t know how to tell John he didn’t have much experience topping. His boyfriends in the past never really cared to switch, only agreeing to do after Joe had to pathetically beg. He didn’t want to bring up the subject to John about him topping only for him to not be very good at it. To have John open himself up in a very vulnerable way only to be disappointed by him.

Even though John has said on multiple occasions that he could never be disappointed by him.

Between the fatigue and him being jet lagged, Joe returned home and slept for over 14 hours. Joe woke up feeling incredibly well rested and only a slight migraine. He woke up to the feeling of John’s strong arms around him and the sound of John’s soft humming. Joe pushed his arse against John’s crotch.

“You’re teasing me lovely,” John purred into Joe’s ear. 

The older ran his hand down Joe’s side and settle along the curve of Joe’s arse. Earning a pleasant hum from Joe who pushed back a little harder into John.

“Babe,” Joe said before rolling over to face his husband, whose pupils were blown with lust. “These damn pregnancy hormones had me all horny on the plane ride home. Had a sex dream about you, a very sexy sex dream.”

Joe ran his hands up and down his husbands bare chest as John pulled Joe by the hips so their bodies were pushed together. Their clothed erections rubbing against each other, stealing kisses from each other and nipping at each others lips.

“Tell me about it, lovely. Gonna take advantage of these damn pregnancy hormones,” John growled into Joe’s mouth.

“It was about me,” Joe said, looking up at John through his eye lashes. “Me fucking you. I know you brought it up before but we don’t have to do it if you don’t want too. I love having your cock inside of me. It was silly of me to bring it up, why switch-”

John shut the younger man up with a kiss, Joe’s favorite way John uses to shut him up when he doesn’t know when to stop talking.

“Lovely,” John said, a little breathlessly from their kiss. “I brought it up first and didn’t bring it up again in case you didn’t want to. I know they are sexier things we can do besides you giving it to an old man. If you want to, I would love for you to be inside me. Tell me more about this dream, beautiful.”

Joe felt his cheeks burning red as he explained his dream to his husband, suddenly feeling very embarrassed and inexperienced. Two things Joe never really feels when it comes to sex, especially the sex he has with his husband. It’s usually Joe who has to build up John’s confidence or tell John about some new sex position he heard about from Ben. 

When Joe finished his dream, the only sound in the room was the heavy breathing coming from John.

“What are you waiting for lovely,” John purred, batting his eyes seductively. 

Joe rolled them over so he was on top of John, grinding his crotch against John’s. “I have to be honest,” John said. “I only ever topped a few times. I prefer to bottom but even when I did want to switch my ex’s never wanted to. So I’m not sure how good I’m going to be at it.”  
  
John arched his back to thrust into Joe’s crotch. “You feel that, lovely? That’s from the thought of having you inside of me.”

Joe felt a rush of confidence and decided not to doubt himself anymore.  
  
The few clothes both men had on were shed and John’s legs were spread wide on the bed with Joe seated in between them. John gave him a reassuring smile as Joe lubed up his fingers up generously.

“Let me know if it doesn’t feel good,” Joe said kindly, trying hard to mask his embarrassment. 

“Of course, lovely. Now come on,” John purred. “Get those fingers in me or I’ll do it myself.”

Joe placed a kiss to John’s lip quickly and slowly inserted his finger into his husband. He carefully watched John’s face as he thrusted his finger in and out of John’s tight heat. Earning small moans from his husband.  
  
“Is that good,” Joe asked, voice far from sounding confidence.

“Really good, Joe. You can add another,” John begged. “Not gonna break.”

Joe playfully swatted John’s arse and added a second. As soon as he started to scissor his fingers inside of John, the older mans moans became louder. Joe’s confidence picked up with every moan and ‘Joe, please’. It wasn’t longer before Joe had three fingers thrusting in and out of his husband. Joe stayed at an average speed, trying not to over think as he searched for John’s prostate.

John started to fuck himself on Joe’s fingers at a faster pace. Joe took the hint, changing the angle and picking up pace. He hit John’s prostate and Joe is sure he never heard such a sexy sound come from his husband.  
  
“Please, Joe. _FUCK_ ,” John moaned.

Joe felt his confidence growing with each moan that came out of his husbands mouth. He loved seeing the look of absolute pleasure across John’s face.

“Need you, Joe. Please,” John whined.

Joe pulled his fingers out and lowered John’s legs, pressing a sweet kiss to the inside of his thighs. Joe reached over to grab a condom and the bottle of lube and was stopped by John’s tight grip.

“No condom,” John said sweetly, his face flushed completely. 

Joe scrunched his nose at his husband command. “John, the mess.”

“Don’t care. Wanna feel you.”

Joe lubed up his aching erection and lined himself at John’s wet and open entrance, slowly pushing into John’s tight heat.

Joe felt a rush of love and trust from his husband. He had an ex who would hated condoms and Joe hated letting his ex inside of him without one. He felt used and dirty. It wasn’t until him and John started trying for a baby he let someone fuck him without one. They obviously couldn’t use one, that would defeat the purpose of trying for a baby. Joe thought he would feel those same feelings, but he was wrong. Having his husband, whom he loves and trust more than anyone on the planet, inside of him without a condom if one of Joe’s favorite feelings in the world. Such a vulnerable position and he trusted John every second of it. 

John wanting Joe inside of him without a condom has Joe’s heart bursting through his chest. A level of trust in such a vulnerable state. Not caring about the mess. Only wanting to be close to one another as they can be.

“Fuck,” Joe moaned as he bottomed out. “You feel amazing around me, John. Doing so well, babe.”

John only let out moan and arched his back off the bed and tightened his legs around Joe’s waist. Joe gave his husband a moment to get used to the stretch. Joe’s not sure the last time John bottomed, in the nearly two years of them being together John has never bottomed. Joe wants to take care of his husband.

Joe placed sweet kisses along John’s neck, muttering praise to his husband.

“You can move, lovely. Please,” John said, breathing heavily.

Joe pulled half way out before slowly thrusting back in. Between John’s tight heat and the lack of a barrier, Joe knows all too well he’s not going to last long enough. The way John is tightening around him, he knows the older man won’t last long either.

After picking up speed and lifting one of John’s leg over his shoulder, Joe hit his husband prostate head on with each thrust. Obscene moans filled the room and Joe is sure his husband has never looked more beautiful than right now. His skin his flushed red and litter with love bites and hickeys. His eyes are fluttering shut shut with pleasure. Joe took a few hundred mental photos.

“Touch yourself, John. Come on my cock,” Joe moaned, his thrust become sloppy.

John stroked himself a few times before coming across both of their chests. The sight was a bit too much and Joe’s orgasm followed four thrust later. Both men let out an obscene moan as Joe came inside of his husband.

After they both came down, Joe slowly pulled out, kissed his husband, and quickly went to get a cloth to clean John up. The way John always cleans up Joe after sex.

After Joe clean up, he laid down and pulled John across his chest. He kissed the top of John’s head as John rested his hand across the small swell of Joe’s belly.

“That was incredible,” Joe sighed. “Thank you. Was is good for you?”

“Was bloody incredible,” John replied. “We’re switching more often, lovely.”

“I certainly can’t complain about that.”

They laid in bed all morning, John rubbing Joe’s teeny tiny bump and telling the baby stories. Joe didn’t even try to hide the tears that fell from his eyes. 

-

As Joe hit the second trimester of his pregnancy, not only did his teeny tiny bump grow but so did his symptoms. The morning sickness hit him hard and spent nearly every morning camped out in the bathroom. John brings him a cuppa to help ease nausea and sits on the edge of the tub while rubbing the younger mans back. When Joe isn’t puking up his insides, he’s constantly dizzy or has terrible heartburn. 

The married couple spent the winter in the comfort of their home. Joe not feeling well enough to leave the house. The rare occasion of a nicer day, John will drag him out for a walk in the garden. The fresh air does make Joe feel better, even if he complains the whole time.

Joe’s belly seems to get bigger everyday which means it’s hard for him to fit into his pants. As much as Joe would love to complain about his growing belly or how his ass seemed to double in size over night, it’s hard to do so when John makes him feel so beautiful every day. Between his kinds words and gentle touch, Joe feels better than he ever has.

The way John will cup his ass every chance he gets or strokes Joe's belly constantly, has the younger man feeling a whole lot better about himself. 

“Our little olive is growing,” John purred into Joe’s ear while the younger man brushed his teeth. 

John placed his hands over Joe’s bump, rubbing it softly.

“Our little olive is gonna grow to be the size of a watermelon,” Joe replied, mouth full of tooth paste. He looked John in the eyes through the mirror, not wanting to fixate on his own growing ass or hips.

“Mhm,” John mumbled. “Will always be a little olive, no matter the size.”

-

John and Joe spend plenty of time visiting Ben, Gwil, and Lily every chance they get. Joe is sure they are craving some adult conversation and Joe likes being able to talk about his pregnancy to some one who understands how he’s feel.

Gwil and John were enjoying a few beers in the living room with a sleeping Lily while Ben and Joe organized Lily’s clothes, putting away the ones that don’t fit her anymore. 

“Are you two gonna find out the sex,” Ben asked.

“I don’t want to but John does,” Joe explained, awing over how tiny the clothes are and how soon he’ll get to dress his baby up clothes this tiny. “We did some of those old wives tales for fun, they are all coming up a girl. But I don’t know, I think the baby is a boy. I don’t have preference but I know John wants a girl really really bad.”

Ben smiled at his friend. “Lily would like to have a girl friend to play with.”

“Would be nice to raise our girls together,” Joe smiled back.

The two were in the middle of chatting about their sore nipples when Gwil popped his head with a fussy Lily.

“She’s hungry and there is no more chest milk in the fridge,” Gwil said, sounding very apologetic.

Gwil handed Lily over to Ben and kissed his blond husband before leaving the room again.

Ben took a seat in the rocking chair before removing his shirt with an exhausted sigh and began feeding Lily. Or at least trying to feed Lily who was refusing to latch on for the first few minutes.

“I’m think about switching to formula,” Ben said staring out the window as Lily ate. “I’m barely able to pump and I feel chained to my baby. I’m only able to feed her which means stopping my day every two hours and being chained to my baby while she eats. Having to fight with her to get her to latch. I’m exhausted, I cry all the time. And I know I sound like a terrible father for saying I’m chained to my baby, I love her but I-”

“Ben,” Joe cooed, struggling to get up from the floor. He sat on the armrest and dropped his head to Ben’s. “Formula is great.”

Ben sniffled, clearly trying to hold back tears. “I feel like a terrible dad.”

“You forcing yourself to something that clearing isn’t working and is only stressing you out more is not good for you or Lily,” Joe explained kindly, trying desperately to make Ben feel better. “Whatever is going to make you happy is going to make her happy. You are a wonderful dad, I’m learning so much from you and I hope I’m as great of a dad as you are.”

Ben let out a relaxed sob that turned into a laugh. Once Lily finished eating, Joe offered to burp her. Giving Ben a little break to shower without being interrupted.

Joe burped and rocked the baby until she fell back asleep in his arms. Joe held her close to his bump. Joe’s thankful he knows he can always turn to Ben if he ever has any doubts about his abilities as a father.

-

Joe has yet to announce his pregnancy to the public yet. 

He’s terribly aware of what people are going to say. The same things they have been saying since him and John went public with their relationship. He knows most of his and John’s fans will be supportive. They’ll share their kind words and give Joe and his husband unconditional love and support. But that doesn’t make the harsh and unkind words from the others hurt any less. He hopes people will refrain from saying such cruel things since there is a baby involved but he knows too well that’s just a fantasy.

He decided to bite the bullet and post it to social media at 20 weeks. Two photos with the caption ‘John’s getting an early birthday present’. Followed by immediately getting off social media and dealing with it in the morning. To his surprise there were hardly any negative responses from fans. He knew the press would mostly be negative, running any recent picture of John they have and plastering it across every magazine. 

While the negative response would have upset John terribly in the past, the older man has seem to push past it. Getting more angry at the press saying he won’t be an involved father or that this baby was accident and a friend revealed ‘John’s not too happy about it’. John took it upon himself to write responses back to the press and telling them to kindly stick it up their arse. With the help of Joe, John created an Instagram to post pictures or Joe and everything else related to their relationship and their baby.

“You don’t have to, John. I really don’t care,” Joe explained.

“Apparently the only way to prove you are involved and care is to post about it on the internet. I’ll do it if it shuts them up,” John replied. “Now just set it up and help me figure out how the hell I work this.”

Joe laughed and went back to teaching John the in’s and out’s of Instagram, all while the older man cupped his bump gently.

-

The third trimester of Joe’s pregnancy seemed to take the longest.

If he wasn’t getting up to pee every 15 minutes, he was readjusting his position to relieve some of his back pain. 

Joe spent most of his pregnancy constantly needing sex. John fucking him or him fucking John. The sloppy shower hand jobs or blow jobs were constant. But as the pregnancy went on and Joe’s belly grew and grew, the younger man couldn’t be bothered by sex. Feeling too uncomfortable or the baby wouldn’t stop kicking. They still have sex, just not nearly as often as they were the first trimester. John seemed to get more and more turned on by Joe’s body throughout his pregnancy.

Joe’s mom and siblings flew to London for his baby shower, even though Joe said he didn’t need one. Ben and his mum hosted the shower, going way overboard. They had maybe 20 guests and played typical baby shower games. Everyone cooed and awed over Joe’s bump, asking to take pictures with and of him. John especially seemed possessive over Joe and his bump, holding on the small of Joe’s back and his bump every chance he could.

Everything seemed really real at the shower. That in a few short weeks, Joe will be a father to a little baby olive. He’s terrified and excited at the same time. 

He really can’t wait to start journey with his husband. 

-

At 37 weeks, Joe was out in the garden enjoying the quite and the sunshine.  
  
Joe’s been experiencing some Braxton Hicks contractions since the end of his second trimester till now. Which is why he didn’t think twice when he felt those familiar false labor pains. He went about his day, prepped dinner and folded the laundry. John was out with his two youngest for some father son bonding and wasn’t due back till later in the day. Which is why Joe didn’t want to bother his husband with false labor pains.

It wasn’t under his water broke while organizing the nursery that Joe realized he was in actual labor. He quickly phoned John who made it home as fast as he could.

By the time they made it to the hospital and Joe was admitted to a room, he only had to push for 14 minutes before the room was filled with a strong and loud cry from his and John’s baby. 

Joe let his held fall back on the pillow, finally feeling all the pain from today and the delivery at once. He felt dizzy from the day and couldn’t really make out what the older man was saying as the doctors examined him and the baby. John kissed his husband and praised him for doing so well and being so strong. John thanked him for bringing their baby into the world. Joe didn’t have the strength or energy to respond and let his husband do the talking and kissing.

John sat on the bed next to Joe as the nurse placed the baby into Joe’s weak arms. The older man helped Joe support the weight of their little olive, who was swaddled tightly in a blanket with a pink cap on.

“Our olive is a girl,” Joe slurred weakly. He kissed his daughter repeatedly, not quite believing that she is his.

“She’s beautiful,” John said, kissing her head. “Just her daddy.”

The two sat there holding their daughter and giving her kisses and cuddles. Soaking up every moment and burning the sweet scent of their daughter into their brains. 

“She needs a name,” John said, nudging Joe who was dozing off while looking at his daughter. Their baby was sleeping soundly in the crib next to Joe’s bed. Looking so sweet, Joe wanted to squish her chubby cheeks. 

“I like her nickname, olive. What about Olivia,” Joe said, sounding more awake now. 

“She is definitely an Olivia,” John smiled, kissing his husbands cheek. “Can I suggest a middle name?”

Joe nodded eagerly at his husband. 

“Freddie said that I were to have another girl that her middle name should be Penny,” John suggested. “If you don’t like it we don’t have to use it.”

Joe gestured for his husband to come closer so he could kiss him passionately.

“Olivia Penny Deacon,” Joe sighed into John's mouth. “That’s our daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the labor and delivery part seems short. The next chapter is more about it and the first few days but from John's pov.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's POV. The first days in the hospital and Olivia's first few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the delay, again. Life's been crazy lately and a lot has been going on. I'm in school to be a dental hygienist ( which has been moved to online and it fuckin hard as shit to teach myself) and am working part time as a dental assistant for emergency patients. I'm currently quarantine with my ex-boyfriend until my mom is given the all clear. Her co worker has co-vid19 so my mom is self quarantined at home. So life is really weird and I'm really stressed. Writing has been a nice distraction from the chaos. I hope you are all doing well and being safe!
> 
> If you ever need to chat, find me on tumblr @ mother-mercury44

**John**

Holding a newborn is a feeling that John will never not love. How weightless and fragile the baby is. The sweet and intoxicating newborn smell is something that is burned into his memory ever since Robert was born. He never noticed the smell of a baby heads until his first child was born, then it was something he noticed and loved on every baby

He loved every moment of raising his first six kids. He enjoyed even more becoming a grandfather. If someone would have told him that he would be holding his newborn daughter at 67 (almost 68), he would have called them crazy. 

John wouldn’t trade his life for the world.

Joe was taking a well deserved nap while John sat in the chair holding Olivia, who was suckling peacefully on her pacifier.

“Your dad is very strong,” John whispered softly to his daughter. “I could never do what he did.”

Olivia had closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. John will never stop making the joke that being born is such tiring work for a baby.

John let his eyes scan over to his husband who was knocked out and had a bit drool falling from his mouth. John always thought Joe was perfect and beautiful in every single way. Even more so as he watched Joe’s pregnancy progressed. But those 14 minutes of Joe pushing and kicking and screaming, John has never seen Joe so beautiful and strong. He watched Joe scream and grunt in pain while he was covered in sweat with his hair sticking down to his head. He didn’t care that Joe called him a dick for doing this to him and squeezed the life out of John’s hand.

John was brought back to watching Veronica bring their six children into the world. Specifically his first one. He was young and scared but Veronica’s strength encouraged him to be the best father he could be. John felt those old worries creep back up. He may no longer be young and inexperienced but that doesn’t mean he still isn’t terrified. 

But Joe’s strength today gave John the encouragement he needed. 

John gently placed Olivia in the hospital crib and scrolled through the pictures he took today. After selecting a few of his favorites of Joe and Olivia, he uploaded a few to Instagram with a sappy caption. He’s still not on board with the whole social media thing but he does like being able to show the world just how much he loves his husband and their daughter. Joe has even convinced John to post a few throwback Thursday pictures of him and his child and a few from his Queen days. 

John has come to the conclusion that social media is just the way of the world now. Or whatever Brian said to him the other day while they were on the phone.

-

The first two nights in the hospital were always John’s least favorite. The constant in and our of nurses and doctors, who are just doing their job but makes the hospital stay less intimate. Especially when one the nurses mumbled under her breath about John being Olivia’s grandfather.

“That’s her dad,” Joe snapped, clutching Olivia tighter in his arms. “That’s my husband and that’s her dad, if you don’t respect any of it please leave.”

The nurse shot the two of them a look and aggressively turned on her heels and left the room.

“Lovely,” John said carefully, not wanting to further upset his very hormonal husband. “It’s okay. It was unprofessional of her but I don’t need you upsetting yourself over it. Olivia goes off your energy, if you’re upset then she’s upset.”

Joe sniffed and wiped the few tears that fell down his cheeks before kissing his daughter. John sat on the bed next to them and gave them both kisses.

“I’m sorry,” Joe said carefully. 

“Don’t be,” John said back. “I’m so proud of everything you have done. I love you and your crazy hormones.”

“You better.”

The first day Joe and John received dozens and dozens of phone calls and text messages from friends and family. Joe’s family from New York face timed them for a good two hours, cooing over the tiny bundle of joy. His mom and siblings booked a trip to come visit in a month.

Their first visitors were Brian and Roger, who came with gifts and flowers for every member of the Deacon family. After the initial exchange of hugs and congratulations, Brian asked to hold Olivia first while Roger continued giving extra hugs and gifts

“You two already bought enough gifts,” John said as Roger pulled him in for a hug. 

“Oi,” Roger exclaimed, playfully shoving John before planting a soft kiss to his cheeks. “That was before we knew the sex and the name, so now we had to get personalized stuff and dresses and bows.” 

Roger turned to hug and congratulate Joe, handing the new parent a bottle of wine with a bottle of lube and a box of condoms wrapped around the neck with pink ribbon. John felt his face flush red with embarrassment, he’ll never get used to Roger’s carefree attitude when it comes to sex. 

“That’s a gag gift,” Brian interrupted, pretending to cover the babies eyes. “We bought you two an actual present. Roger has no shame, not that I have to tell you two that.”

“I’m just trying to make sure that they don’t have any surprises too soon,” Roger chimed in, looking at his husband. “Our second was a too soon surprise, not that I didn’t love the surprise but two under two is hard.”

“Thanks Roger,” Joe laughed. “I already told John I’m not doing this again, one and done. At least for now.”

Joe and John told them all about the quick delivery and the first few hours with her. Roger complained it wasn’t fair his shortest delivery 15 hours then went back to snuggling Olivia. John never thought he would be in a hospital with another baby and his two best friends again. 

It brought back the memories of their younger days, going to visit one another in the hospital after their baby was born. He remembers Freddie holding Joshua, the last child of his that Freddie met, and the older man making jokes about John’s strong swimmers. He wishes Freddie was here now to see John with his seventh child and his younger husband. The singer would probably make some joke about John’s swimmers still going strong followed by a wink and one of Freddie’s signature loud laughs. 

John wishes Freddie was here with them. Though he is sad the older man is not here, he’s forever glad for reconnecting with his two other mates and that they get to be here for them. 

Even after years have passed. 

While Brian and John were chatting quietly on the couch so Roger and Joe had a moment to just themselves as Olivia snoozed in Roger’s arms. John admits to only half listening to Brian and focused more on ease dropping on his husband and best friend.

“You’re doing amazing,” Roger said, nudging Joe’s arm. 

“I’ve been a parent for 10 hours,” Joe snorted.

“10 hours of hard work,” Roger added. “It’s not easy. Your life changed completely and now you’re responsible for this tiny human. If you need any advice or help on anything please don’t be afraid to call me, Ben calls me quite a bit. I know you have John who is experienced but it helps to have someone to lean on who has given birth and is chest feeding.”

“Thanks Roger,” John smiled. “For everything.”

“Thank you for everything,” Roger smiled back.  
  
The next set of visitors were the Lee family, who thankfully came the second day. 

Joe tried to get them to come the first day, even after Ben said they wanted to give them their space. John texted them on the side and explained that Joe is half awake and struggling a bit with getting the baby to latch. Causing the ginger haired man to spend a good 15 minutes crying out of frustration. 

John spent the evening comforting Joe and letting his husband snuggle in his arms.

When the Lee family arrived the next day, Joe was thankfully in a better mood and Olivia was latched on for her feeding. They four of them exchanged hugs and kisses, compared Ben and Joe’s labor and deliveries, and cooed over both babies. John and Joe took turns holding Lily, who seemed to grow to nine months over night.

“You forget how tiny newborns are,” Ben cooed while holding Olivia. “Lily seems like a toddler compared to Olivia.”

“Don’t go getting baby fever, love,” Gwil joked. “I don’t think I can handle the newborn stage for at least four years.”

“Maybe three,” Ben said stoking his thumb over Olivia’s cheek. “How was your first night? I remember crying the whole night, I was so afraid of doing something wrong.”

“Not bad,” Joe said, resting his head on Ben’s shoulder. “John knows what he’s doing so I’m more confident having him with me.”

“Joe's a natural,” John praised, giving his husbands bicep a soft squeeze. “He’s better than I ever was.”

John really meant it. He wasn’t confident until his last two came along. He never had the same strength or confidence that Veronica and Joe have. 

Gwil offered to help John bring the presents and other items to car, since they are being discharged in the morning. 

“Thanks for your help,” John said loading the gifts into the car, quickly doubling checking the base of the car seat. “And thanks for the gifts. I swear you two and Brian and Roger are in a constant competition of gift giving.”

“You’re one to talk. I swear you and Joe came over with gifts every other day,” Gwil laughed. “On a serious note, I just wanted to say thank you for always being there for me and Ben.”

“No problem,” John smiled. “You both are important people in my life. I’ll always be there for you.”

John noticed the younger man blink away a few tears so John pulled him in for a hug. Letting Gwil find comfort in the hug for a moment. John ran a soothing hand down his back as Gwil hugged him just a bit tighter. Gwil pulled away after a few minutes 

“I don’t think I would have made it this far without your help,” Gwil replied kindly. “The amount of times I texted and called you since Ben has gotten pregnant, you saved my ass. You turned me into a decent father.”

“Give me more credit, Gwil. You’re more than a decent father,” John snorted playfully. “I’m glad I could help but I really was just there for reassurance. You knew what you were doing all along.”

“Joe’s lucky to have you. And to think I almost hated you in the beginning,” Gwil joked.

“Oh piss off,” John replied, lightly hitting him the younger man with a pink bear.

-

John was so wrapped up in all the things he loves about being a father and having a newborn that he became so blind to all the hardships that come with it.

Over the first weeks home with Olivia, John is sure he only slept 45 minutes each night. Not that he’s complaining, he’s almost certain Joe hasn’t slept at all. Between the constant feedings and nappy changes and fussiness, Joe is up nearly all the time. It didn’t help that Joe knocked the chest pump off the table one morning and he can no longer pump until the new one comes in. 

Nothing hurts John more than seeing Joe in tears when Olivia decides to be difficult and refuses to latch in the middle of the night. It took convincing for Joe to allow John to purchase formula as a backup for times like these.

While John was once used to the lack of sleep, it’s been far too long since he’s done it. He feels slightly useless when it comes to feedings so he makes up for it by letting his husband nap during the day while he takes Olivia. John has taken it upon himself to do the cleaning and the cooking, not wanting to put anymore added stress on Joe.

John loves the one on one time he gets to spend with his daughter. He loves to sing and read chapters from his books to her. He loves staring at her and trying to figure out whose features she has. The small amount of hair on her head has a red tint to it and her eyes are definitely his own, green with gray. John hopes and wishes that she takes after his beautiful husband.

While John adores his one on one time, he adores even more spending time with his husband and daughter. Sitting in the garden early in the morning while drinking their tea, Olivia nestled in Joe’s arms so tightly as if she’s going to float away. John really never imagined his life being filled this much joy ever again.

“You’re staring,” Joe accused. “What am I leaking? I told you to tell me if I leak.”

“Just enjoying the view, lovely,” John replied, scooting closer over to his husband and daughter. “I’m the happiest I have been in a long time. I owe it all to you.”

“I’m happy too,” Joe replied, looking at John with his lips pursed. 

John leaned in and kissed him gently, caressing his cheek gently. “I love you, forever. You’re an amazing father,” John said. “You’re dad would be proud of you, Joe.”

“You think?”

“I know so, Lovely. Now lets go in so I can properly snuggle you on the couch,” John said standing up and taking the baby from Joe. “You can pick the movie.”

-

Their lack of sleep and main focus on Olivia had both John and Joe walking around like zombies. It wasn’t until there door bell rang one afternoon leaving both men confused until they heard Roger’s voice from the outside.

“Oi,” Roger shouted. “Come on daddy, you only turn 68 once.”

Joe and John looked at each other before checking the date to realize it’s John’s birthday.

“Babe, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I forgot your birthday,” Joe said with his bottom lip trembling. “I’m a terrible husband.”

John set a sleeping Olivia down in her bassinet and walked over to his husband. “Lovely,” John said, pulling him in for a hug. “I forgot my own birthday. Neither of us has slept or paid any attention to anything other than Olivia these last few weeks it’s okay.”

Joe hiccuped and wiped away the tears on his face.

“Stop fucking and let us in,” Roger shouted. “Ow fuck, Bri.”

John rolled his eyes. “You go shower and change,” John replied kindly. “I can handle them alone for a bit.”

John wasn’t surprised that Roger showed up a few bottles of vodka at 4 in the evening. He sipped his very strong slowly as the three of them sat in the garden together. Olivia was still sleeping, giving John a few moments to relax. 

“Back in the day I would have blamed you forgetting your birthday on the liquor,” Roger joked. “But now it’s just from being tired from late night nappy changes.”

“I think what Roger is trying to say is happy birthday,” Brian said raising his glass.

John took another small sip, embarrassingly feeling the affects of the alcohol already. He used this moment to capture a photo of his two mates and upload it to Instagram, that earned him a congratulation from Brian. Who is just so proud his friend has hopped on the social media train. 

Shortly after Joe came out to join them, looking refreshed and more awake than he has in a few days. 

“Getting my husband drunk I see,” Joe joked taking a seat next to them. 

Roger offered him a drink and everyone knows it was out of courtesy, the younger man is solely chest feeding and can’t drink.

They chatted for a while and John had three drinks, making him fairly tipsy. The evening went well and John was honored his mates went out their way for him today. John loves his life but a break from the same cycle over and over again was deserved. Even Joe seemed to relax as he sipped his tea while Olivia was wrapped in the sling to his chest.

Once the evening hit, Olivia started to crankier and crankier. Brian and Roger, who are also parents, knew that was the cue to leave their friends to tend to their baby.

John thanked his friends a dozen times and planted too many kisses onto their cheeks. He’s gonna blame it mostly on the vodka and a small part that he loves his mates.

Later that night after Joe made John a late night snack and put Olivia down in her crib, the younger man crawled up to his husband and placed kissed along his chest. John can’t remember the last time they had sex or even the last time they helped get each other off. Sure John will take care of his morning wood alone but no orgasm is as good as the ones he has with Joe. He knows they still have a month or two before Joe can have sex, but Joe initiating playful flirting and touching his making John’s dick twitch in his briefs.

“Sorry I didn’t get you a birthday present,” Joe said between kisses as he trailed down John’s chest. “I’d love to give you something now Mr. Deacon.”

John felt his breath picking up and his cock growing. “Lovely,” John moaned. “You gave me our daughter, she is the best present I could ever have.”

John watched as his husband removed his briefs and tossed them to the side. His hips involuntary thrusted in the air as his cock hit sprung free. He didn’t have much time to prepare himself as Joe took his erection in his hand, giving it a few good strokes before Joe took him into his mouth.

No matter how many time his husband has suck his cock, he’ll never get quite used to feeling. The mind blowing sensation of his warm and wet mouth enveloping his cock. The way Joe will tease up and down his length for a bit before getting to it. 

John eyes met with Joe’s and John felt his heart beat out of his chest. 

“Fuck,” John moaned, pulling Joe’s hair lightly. “So fucking good, Joe. So fucking good.”

Joe hummed around his cock and batted his eye lashed before taking Joe into the back of his throat, driving John mad. Joe worked his cock with his mouth for a few minutes before John could feel his orgasm approaching. Usually he would feel the need to apologize for coming too early, but after not having his cock touched by his husband in a while, he’s gonna give himself a pass.

John let out a grunt as he thrust into Joe’s mouth. “Gonna come, lovely. Oh, Joe. Joe,” John near shouted as he came in Joe’s mouth, his back arched off the bed and his head thrown back into the pillows. 

After John came down from his high, Joe was draped across his chest, cheeks flushed with a cheeky grin plastered across his face. 

“You’re turn,” John moaned, rolling over so he was on top of Joe.

“Not gonna last long enough for you to blow me,” Joe said, clearly trying to hide the embarrassment in his voice.

John shook his head with a soft chuckle before peppering kisses down Joe’s neck and trailing to his nipples. Which has become John’s favorite part of Joe’s body lately. His nipples started getting sensitive the start of his pregnancy and John loves the way Joe can’t control him when John plays with them. 

John attacked his husband with nipples with kisses and kitten licks, enjoying the way the younger moaned beneath him.

“Gonna come in my pants too early like that first time if you don’t get to something else,” Joe purred. 

John moaned at the memory of their first night together and how far they have come. He remembers not fully understanding why this young and beautiful man wanted to be with him that night and have him spend the night. Or why he invited him out the next day and treated him so kindly. How the universe works if mysterious ways and that same man just so happened to play him in a movie about his band. John will understand why or how this all came to be, but he is so bloody glad for it.

John lightly tugged on Joe’s nipple with his teeth, enjoying the way Joe’s back arched off the bed and his eyes rolled back.

“I love how sensitive you are, Lovely. Been neglecting you,” John said, switching to give Joe’s other nipple attention. John let his other hand travel down Joe’s side and slipped it into his briefs, giving Joe’s hard and weeping cock firm strokes. 

“Fuck,” Joe moaned. “Please John, please.”

John picked up the pace of his stroke and let his head fall into the crook of Joe’s neck. “Come for me, lovely. Let go,” John purred into his ear. “Let go sweetheart.”

Joe came in John’s hand moments later and John continued to stroke him threw the after shocks of his orgasm. 

“Fuck,” Joe said weakly. “That was amazing.”

John kissed his temple. “You’re amazing,” John said softly.

-

John forgot how quickly babies grow. His newborn daughter turned a month old and John wanted to cry. John stood in the kitchen making breakfast as Joe sat shirtless at the table pumping. Since getting the new chest pump, their lives have changed drastically. John can now help with the night feedings, giving his husband and his sore nipples a break. They have gotten better with their routine, leaving enough room for sloppy and sleepy hand jobs.

John found himself staring at his shirtless husband. He knows that Joe has been insecure about his post baby bod. His arse has gotten bigger and his stomach is still swollen. Not that John minds in the least, if anything John finds himself fawning over Joe’s bod now more than ever. John wants to kiss each inch of Joe’s body, twice.

“I was thinking about calling Ben and Gwil back finally to set up a play date,” Joe said adjusting the pump. “I know Olivia can’t play but it’ll be nice to get together. We’ve canceled on them four times already.”

“They understand,” John reassured his husband. “They know how hard a newborn is.”

Joe smiled at him and John felt an over whelming amount of love for his husband. He walked across the kitchen and placed a loving kiss to Joe’s lips, just because he could.

“She’ll be down for another hour,” Joe moaned as soon as they broke the kiss.

Before Joe could take the pump off, Olivia started crying from the nursery. Joe frowned but John just kissed his lips and padded over to the nursery to retrieve his daughter. His beautiful daughter who is clearly taking after Joe in the look department. 

After a nappy and outfit change, John brought their daughter out to the kitchen. Joe had finished pumping and took over cooking breakfast, which John had left unattended on the stove.

“It’s that daddy brain,” Joe snickered.

“She’s just an absolute delight,” John said kissing his daughters cheek. “I want to be around her constantly.”

John took a seat at the table with Olivia, who was staring back at him with her big green eyes. 

He can’t believe he almost didn’t want this. 

-

Ben and Gwil offered to come over but John and Joe declined. They hadn’t left house much other than to go to the shops and their daily walks. 

Ben set up a blanket in the garden for the babies and few chairs for the adults. Not that it mattered, all four adults ended up on the blanket, awing and cooing over the babies.

“Lily is getting big,” Joe said as they watched Lily clumsily crawl over her toys. “She’ll be running laps around the garden before you know it.” 

“You’ll be there soon enough mate,” Gwil said, getting down on his stomach to face Olivia, who was also on her tummy. “Olivia is strong. She’s kicking her legs already.”

They chatted about sleep schedules and feedings and play groups. John compared Olivia to his other children, he didn’t miss the smile in Joe’s eyes when John talked about how he’s soaking up every moment. John never thought he would experience raising a baby again and he wants to remember every single moment.

Eventually, the babies both went down for their naps and the adults could have a conversation about something other than the last time the baby pooped or the getting spit up stains off of black clothing.

“Are either of you looking for work,” John asked as he sipped on his tea.

“Gwil’s been doing a few small projects here and there but he’s not ready to leave for months at a time. Especially if the project is going to take him to another country,” Ben admitted. “There’s talk of a sequel to ^ Underground so I’m waiting to here back on that. But if I have to leave for that we agreed that Gwil won’t work.”

“Makes sense,” John added. “I went through the same with my older kids and going on tour. It’s easy when they’re younger, I’ll tell you. Once they start school it’s too hard to bring them along.”

John re accounted stories of the babies back stage and how it was nice having them around. It brought back those old memories of raising his babies on tour and while John is not touring now, he can’t wait to raise Olivia and make new memories when Joe gets back to work.

“Are you looking for anything, Joe? I know she’s only a month but just wondering if your ready to go back soon,” Ben asked.

“Maybe once she hits a year or so,” Joe explained. “I’m too tired to do anything these days.”

John and Joe exchanged a sultry looked between the to of them. Neither of them were too tired for the blowjobs they gave each other before heading over here. 

Before Ben or Gwil could catch on, a soft cry was heard from the baby monitor. John winked at his husband before getting up to get Olivia.

-

John was more than prepared for Joe’s 36th birthday. He wanted to make sure it was perfect since it was his first birthday as a father.

Joe’s mum and siblings had flown in for a visit that corresponded with his birthday. Rami and Lucy were even able to plan their trip to London around his birthday and to meet Olivia. John had planned an afternoon and invited the Lee family and as well as Brian and Roger. A few other close friends from the area accepted the invite. John felt rather proud of himself for pulling this all together after not sleeping for nearly two months.

John and Joe got a much needed break when Joe’s family came to visit. Even more so on Joe’s birthday. Rami and Lucy stole her for most of the day as well as Virginia. John loves his daughter more than the air in his lungs but it’s nice to have a drink and relax and take a piss without having to rush or hold her in his arms.

John watched as Joe mingled and caught up with his family, he loved seeing the smile on Joe’s face. Joe made a huge sacrifice moving to London and John is forever grateful for it. He knows Joe misses his family every single day and wishes they were here to see Olivia growing up. John took plenty of photos to capture the day and made sure to get enough pictures of his little family together. 

It wasn’t until John was inside changing Olivia’s nappy that he and Joe had a moment to themselves. Joe wrapped his arms around John’s middle from behind. 

“Thank you,” Joe whispered into John’s ear, his words slightly slurred from the three drinks he had. “I have the most wonderful husband ever. So sexy and smart and beautiful.” 

John felt Joe’s hands trail down his sides and land on his arse.

“Lovely,” John warned. “I’m changing our daughter, I don’t think this is appropriate. Maybe later you can show me how thankful you are.”

Joe gave his arse a firm squeeze. “You got it Mr. Deacon,” Joe said before planting a kiss to his daughters forehead.

  
-

Their first time having sex after Olivia was born was something neither of them could wait for.

Once Joe received the all clear from his doctor, John scheduled a date night with his husband. Ben and Gwil offered to babysit for the night, just like John and Joe did for them months and months ago. 

John cooked them dinner while Joe slowly sipped his wine while sitting on the counter. John more than enjoyed the way Joe flirted with him all throughout dinner and rubbed his foot along his calf. 

They didn’t make it to the bedroom, John carried Joe to living room and set him down gently on the couch. Clothes were shed and John quickly opened his husband up working his way to three fingers.

The soft moans and intense eye contact as John fingered, were enough to reduce the younger man to begging for his husband to fuck him. Thankfully there were both lube and condoms from there more adventurous days in the drawer of the end table. John handed the condom to his lover to rolled it onto his thick erection, he stifled back a grunt as Joe squeezed his cock on purpose.

“You little minx,” John growled, lining himself up at Joe’s entrance. Something he missed so much. “Gonna fuck the cheekiness out of you.”

Joe let out a little purr that turned into an ‘ah fuck’ as john slowly pushed in. John wants nothing more than to take care of his husband and make him feel good. John kept his same pace pushing in while his free hand trailed up and down Joe’s body.

“You’re absolutely beautiful,” John moaned, his lips pressing to his husbands. “Breathtaking. Perfect. I love you, forever.”

Once John was fully seat and he gave Joe a bit of time to adjust, his husband was clearing growing impatient under him and used the heel of his foot to kneed it into his husbands arse.

“Come on,” Joe begged. “Need you, please.”

“Gonna go slow,” John reassured him, stroking the side of his face gently. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Joe smirked.

John did go slow at first, he knew he if sped up he might not only hurt Joe but also come way too fast. Joe is tight and warm around him, sucking him in with each thrust. John forgot how amazing it feels to be this close and intimate with Joe.

John hit Joe’s prostate and the younger man nearly folded in half.

“Fuck, please,” Joe whined. “Right there, John. So good. M’so close.”

John picked up his thrust and wrapped his hand around Joe’s cock. “Come for me, lovely. Come on my cock, love. You’re taking me so well,” John moaned, his thrust becoming sloppy.

John hit his prostate one more time and the younger man came over both their chest. Joe squeezed around John’s cock nearly sending him over the edge. John picked his pace up a little more, trying his hardest not to hurt Joe. A few minutes later John came inside the condom and nearly collapsed on top of Joe.

John pulled out eventually and cleaned the two of them up, before guiding Joe to the bedroom.

“I’m looking forward to a solid sleep tonight,” Joe said, cuddling up next to his husband.

“Get a good nights sleep,” John said, stroking Joe’s back. “In the morning, I want you to fuck me.”

Joe playfully smacked John’s thigh. “You randy old man,” Joe said, kissing John’s chest. “But I can’t wait.”

The sex seemed to tire Joe out enough for him to fall asleep within minutes. John on the other hand was left with his own thoughts and feelings about his life. The life he never knew he could have or deserved to have after his marriage with Veronica. He never thought the sweet American with the goofy grin from the pub would be his husband.

John decided to fall asleep before his mind wandered too far and he became too emotional. He closed his eyes and heard Freddie’s voice saying, “See darling! I told you good things were coming. You went out and you chased those good things until they became yours.”

“ _Of course_ you were right,” John whispered out loud. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and sticking by my random ass updates! I mapped this out and I'm thinking it'll be around 20 chapters! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's getting bigger. Joe and John have semi serious chat. Life doesn't always go according to your plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you lovely people! I hope you are all doing well and staying safe.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr Mother-mercury44

“Lovely,” John said from his place in the door way.

Joe looked up from his spot on the floor. He’s been wrapping presents and rearranging them underneath the tree for all night. Making sure the bows were placed perfectly and the wrapping was to perfection. He already rearranged the three stockings over a dozen times and fix every ornament on the tree at least three times. He wanted everything to be perfect.

“She’s four months old,” John explained.

Joe fake pouted at his husband. “It’s her first Christmas. My first Christmas as a dad, as us being parents together. I want it to be special,” Joe said softly. “Don’t you want it to special?”

John moved from the doorway to sit beside his husband who was struggling with some stubborn ribbon. “Of course I do,” John said taking the ribbon and tying the bow himself. “You did amazing. You’re amazing.”

Joe watched as his husband tied to bow perfectly around the gift. He loves the faces John makes when he’s concentrating. The way his tongue will poke ever so slightly out of his mouth and how he scrunches his nose. Joe will never not be in awe of his husband. How he handles Olivia with such practiced ease and never panics when she doesn’t stop crying in the middle of the night. John looks so natural as a father. Joe has to remind himself he has six other kids and years of practice.

“I love you, John. Forever,” Joe said softly, his eyes fixed on his lover.

John turned to Joe, leaning over to place a kiss to his lips. “I love you, Joe. Forever,” John replied back. “Now let’s go to sleep. Santa won’t come if you’re still awake.”

Joe rolled his eyes before lifting himself from the ground and offering a hand to his husband. “I don’t care if Santa comes tonight,” Joe purred, his lips meeting his husbands. “I only care about you making me come tonight.”

Joe let out a soft moan as his husband grabbed two handfuls of his arse. Which has yet to go back to the size it was before he got pregnant. While Joe is very insecure about his post baby body, John seems to love it more and more each day. Especially his arse. 

  
“Let’s go, lovely,” John said, pulling him to the bedroom.

-

Joe’s glad John recorded their entire day. Olivia’s first Christmas is something Joe wants to remember forever. Nothing spectacular happened by any means. Holding Olivia in his lap as he helped her open up the presents he wrapped gave Joe such a rush of joy. John wore a Santa hat the whole day while Joe wear reindeer antlers, Joe made sure that he recorded John wearing the hat. Just cos his husband looked so cute.

After Olivia had opened all her presents and was down for her first nap, John and Joe exchanged their gifts to each other. Joe has always found it hard to buy gifts for John. The man has enough money to buy whatever he wants twice yet has the most simple taste. Joe has found himself constantly gifting John books and journals. And while John loves them, Joe wanted to give him something different.

They sat in front of the tree sipping on their coffee, looking through photos and pictures from two hours ago. Joe can’t quite believe his daughter is already four months. She’s so smart and strong, he finds himself in complete awe of her every single day. Joe loves looking into her eyes and seeing John’s eyes. She really takes after John’s beauty

“Gift time,” John stated as he put the camera away. 

Joe watched as his husband reached under the tree and pulled out a small gift box, handing it over. Joe tightened the grip on the gift box in his hand before handing it to John.

Joe removed the ribbon carefully and lifted the lid gently revealing the content of the box. On top of some tissue paper laid a delicate circle charm with Olivia’s name in the center and her birthstone, which is also John’s birthstone. Joe picked it up to carefully examine it, ignoring the tears that maybe falling from his eyes. 

“Oh babe,” Joe smiled. “It’s beautiful. I love it.” 

Joe lunged himself over to John, landing in the older mans lap. Joe gave John a very sloppy kiss, unable to contain his excitement.

“I’m glad you like it,” John said kissing him back. “You kept saying how you would love a delicate charm for the chain you have from your dad.”

Joe’s tears finally made their way down his face, making their kiss taste like salt. Joe broke the kiss, suddenly feeling very silly for his gift to John. His husband gave him sentimental gift that involved his late father and his daughter. Joe feels like he took the easy way out. Joe maneuvered off of his husbands lap so John could open his gift without elbowing him in the ribs

“Alright, lovely,” John said carefully unwrapping his gift.

Joe watched with careful eyes. “Ones the real present and the other is a little joke to go along with it,” Joe said right before John opened the lid to the box. 

John chuckled at Joe’s expense. “I’m sure, lovely. I’m sure,” John said playfully.

John held up a reservation printed off the computer and a sexy coupon book handmade by Joe. “These both look like real presents,” John chuckled, flipping through the coupon book. 

Joe felt his face flush red, he should have never went along with Ben’s idea. 

“It’s for valentines day,” Joe explained. “We never went away together and my mom is coming in for two weeks then and she offered to watched Olivia for two nights.” 

“This is perfect,” John said, kissing his husband. “Is this a one coupon a day thing or can I use it all that weekend.”

John’s voice dropped low and husky, making Joe’s dick twitch in his pants. “Oh please redeem it all that weekend,” Joe said kissing his husband back.

Joe pulled up his phone and showed him pictures of the bed and breakfast they are going to be staying at. It’s only a two hour drive away but it’s a little cottage tucked away. Far from the paparazzi and everyone else, a much needed break that the married couple needs. Joe loves his daughter more than the air in his lungs, but he also needs to take some time to be with his husband; well rested and uninterrupted.

The rest of the day was just as sweet as their morning. John’s kids and grand kids all managed to drop by at some point during the day. They all took turns snuggling Olivia and helping her open the gifts they gave her. Ben, Gwil, and Lily stopped by in the evening as well as Brian and Roger. Their house was filled with loved ones and laughter and love all day.

Joe spent the whole day just really loving the little life he’s created with John.

  
-

A few times a week, John will go and visit Brian and Roger or one of his children. Joe uses that time to meet up with Ben as they push their babies in the buggies. It’s nice to chat with someone who understands and is currently going through some of the things Joe is going through; sleepless nights, post body issues (though Ben seemed to bounce back fairly quickly), and just over all insecurity of being a first time parent.

Lily’s first birthday had just past and Ben seems to still be emotional over his baby growing.

“Time seemed to move so slow. The restless nights and the bad days where she never stopped crying that seemed to never end,” Ben explained. “Then out of nowhere, she turned a year.”

Joe really can’t believe it’s just been over a year since he went to visit them in the hospital and collapsed to the floor, nearly dropping the newborn. 

“Olivia’s growing so fast too,” Ben said when Joe didn’t answer, too lost in thought over the last year.

Joe smiled at his daughter who was knocked out after her bottle. “I know,” Joe agreed. “I’m torn between wanting her to grow because I’m so excited to see whats next but I also want her to slow down. I feel like time is moving so fast and I’m not taking it all in.”

They chatted about their growing babies. Lily went from crawling to running over night. Olivia rolls over and all around the living room and will army crawl around. Lily has a big appetite and Gwil’s metabolism. Joe and John can’t seem to agree who she is taking after, Joe thinks she is all Deacon. They chatted about Joe and John’s holiday coming up for Valentines day. Joe thanked Ben again for the coupon book idea, John is already going crazy over it. 

“It’ll be nice to get away,” Joe sighed. “I’m gonna miss Olivia terribly. I already miss her thinking about going. John and I both talked about how it’ll do us good. We spend so much time together but I still miss him.”

“I understand, Joe. I wish I could say it gets easier as they get older,” Ben replied. “Gwil and I already decided we’re not trying until she’s nearly four. And that’s the earliest I want to start trying.”

Joe noticed the dark circles under his best mates eyes and the pure exhaustion that made up his body. Not that it made Ben any less beautiful, not by a long shot. Joe started to noticed the sleepless nights caching up to himself. While he’s sad there won’t be a baby spoil for another four years, he respects their decision. Joe and John haven’t talked about having another one, deciding to have their first one put enough stress on their relationship. Joe knows that both of them are so damn happy raising Olivia. She’s perfect and why mess with perfection.

And Joe already doubts himself as a father enough with one baby.

“I’m not even sure if John and I will have another one,” Joe admitted. “We haven’t talked about it but where I stand is one and done.”

“Maybe you’ll change your mind,” Ben winked.

“Sounds like you wanna get me pregnant,” Joe joked. “Keep your trousers on, Benny.”

-

Joe and John only left two hours late for their trip. Joe had pumped as much as he could before leaving, knowing he would be pumping and dumping over the weekend since he planned on drinking way too much wine. Joe insisted on showing and telling his mum everything about caring for Olivia, as if the woman didn’t raise three kids of her own. Joe cried on the front porch, giving his daughter a thousand kisses. John was a bit more controlled, as this is his seventh time around. Though John didn’t make Joe feel bad for being so emotional for leaving their daughter for two nights.

John drove the two hours and most of the car ride Joe went back and fourth from dozing off to speaking of all the things he wants to do when they get there. John kept his hand on Joe’s knee the whole car ride while he listened to his husband chat away.

All plans of driving to town and walking around the shops, buying things they don’t need went out the window when John shut the cottage door behind him. 

Joe pounced on his husband immediately.

The married couple spent their two days away being very naked in each others arms. Joe missed being able to be vocal without having to worry about waking up their daughter. The sheer amount of sexual energy the two had built up in the last six months came out over the two night holiday. Joe missed being bent over the kitchen counter and blowing his husband in the living room. He really fucking missed the sleepy and lazy hand jobs in the shower. The ones where neither of them are in a rush to get off and they can take their sweet time swapping lazy kisses.

Joe missed lazy in his husbands arms, stroking the older mans arm as they watched whatever is on the telly. He also really missed his daughter.

“I miss her,” Joe said, sipping his glass of wine at 2 in the afternoon. “Do you think she misses me?”

John kissed the top of his head. “Of course she does,” John reassured him. “She is also spending time with her grandmother which is good for her and your mum.”

Joe let out a relaxing sigh, feeling a bit more content. 

“I miss her too,” John said, breaking the comfortable silence. “I wish she was snuggled up between us.”

They went back and fourth, talking about the things they would be doing if she was here. Looking at videos and pictures of her from the previous days, as if it’s been months since they last time they’ve seen her. They were two bottles of wine in, the most Joe has drank since before he was pregnant. Enjoying the happy buzz he had going as they talked about their favorite memories over the last six months. Laughing as Joe sang while he made them sandwiches, the worlds sloppiest sandwiches.

Two bottles of wine turned to four bottles of wine quickly and Joe felt his insecurities coming out with each sip of wine. 

“John,” Joe asked quietly.

“Yes, Lovely.”

“Am I good dad?”

John’s eyes went wide. “Of course,” John said quickly. “You’re a brilliant father. You are better than I was with my first.”

Joe shook his head, feeling dizzy afterwards. “If you weren’t my husband would you think that still?”

John grabbed his husbands face and kissed him gently before going on a passionate speech about how wonderful of a father Joe is. How kind and patient he is with their daughter. How strong he is for giving birth to their daughter. It’s nothing John hasn’t told him before. It’s not that Joe doesn’t believe him, he does. There’s this little voice in the back of his head telling him the opposite of what his husband tells him.

“I never knew it was possible to love you more,” John explained, his lips pressed against his husbands. “Then you brought our daughter into the world and my heart could beat out of my chest with how much love I have for you. You are a better father than I ever was and am today, Joe.” 

Joe felt his eyes fill with tears. “Shut up,” Joe said with a smile. “Shut up and kiss me. Please.”

Joe leaned in, closing the small space between him and his husband. Letting their lips crash together and finally allowing his tears to spill.

“You never have to doubt your ability as a father,” John mumbled into the kiss. “Never.”

-

Joe woke up the next morning with a head ache from the wine and crying all night. He also smelled breakfast being cooked and that gave him enough energy to shower quickly and changed into clean clothes. 

Joe apologized for getting drunk and emotional. His husband did what his husband does best and kissed him to stop him from rambling on and on. Joe did what he does best and gave his husband a blowie right there in the kitchen. 

They spent the day in town going to different shops, buying Olivia and Lily tons of different outfits and toys. Joe held up a newborn size outfit and his mind drifted back to his conversation with Ben. How he hid his insecurities of being a father by saying he isn’t sure if they want another baby.

“John,” Joe said, looking at him holding the teeny tiny outfit. “Would you want a second baby?”

Joe isn’t sure why he blurted out that very serious and intimate question in the middle of the shop. John looked at him, clearly taken back by the question.

“Do you want a second baby?”

Joe snorted. His husband always answers his questions with another question when he’s trying to avoid giving him an answer. “I don’t know actually,” Joe admitted truthfully. “What about you?”

“Olivia is six months old, lovely. I think it’s too soon to think about a second baby,” John said with a smile. “I’m not saying no and I’m not saying yes. Let’s just get through Olivia’s first year without pulling out our hair.”

Joe stood up on his toes and kissed his husbands cheek. “You’re right,” Joe sighed. “I don’t know why I’m getting ahead of myself.”

Joe really isn’t sure if he wants a second baby, even with his insecurities starting to disappear. Joe really does love his life with his husband and their daughter. With the brief conversation he had with John, he decided to put this discussion away until Olivia is two. 

The couple enjoyed their last night together, soaking in every bit of alone time they had together. The next morning both men were up and ready to go, not wanting to be away from their daughter for another second.

-

Joe stood in the full length mirror in the master bedroom looking at his naked body. While he shook most of the baby weight, some still stuck around. He’s convinced his arse isn’t going to be getting any smaller and the stretchmarks from his pregnancy are still red and very noticeable. He knows John loves his body enough for the two of them, but it would be nice he loved his own body.

Joe watched Ben’s body grow with his pregnancy and the changes his body went through post baby. He saw a strong and beautiful person. Somebody whose body went through so much to bring a baby into this world. He saw strength. 

But when Joe looks at his own body he sees loose skin and stretchmarks. He sees the little pouch on his belly. He sees someone who let themselves go. 

“If you don’t put some clothes on soon, I’m not going to be able to flag this erection and you don’t have the time to be naughty, Lovely,” John said in a low voice.

“I think I’m gonna join a gym,” Joe replied, ignoring his husband. “Or maybe buy some things to make a home gym.”

Joe caught his husband frowning. 

“Come on, babe. I know you’ll go bonkers for me no matter what I look like,” Joe said, pulling himself away from the mirror to get dressed. “I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin right now.”

“If that’s what you want,” John said, stopping Joe from pulling his briefs up so he could cup the younger mans bare arse. “Gonna miss this. Try and keep this.”

Joe rolled his eyes playfully but his heart grew about five sizes bigger at his husbands love towards his body. 

“You randy old man,” Joe smiled before kissing his husband.

Joe has never been a fan of going to the doctors. He doesn’t really like sitting alone on the exam table without his husband. Even though he’s fully clothed and it’s a fairly simple appointment, he still wishes his husband was here.

His doctor asks him the usual questions about his sex life and other problems Joe may be having. 

“My hormones are still a bit all over the place,” Joe admitted. “I was hoping to get on birth control, to help that and to like not get pregnant until I’m ready.”

“Your hormones are still trying to regulate themselves so that is normal,” The doctor explained, adding things into his chart. “I’ll still draw some blood to make sure everything is normal. Do you have a preference on what type of birth control you would like?”

Joe looked over the pamphlet with his options quickly. “I was thinking the implant. I’m too forgetful for the pill.”

The doctor wrote down a few more things. “Alright,” the doctor said. “I just want to wait for the results of your blood work to come back before starting you on any birth control. Let’s have you come back in two weeks and if all is well can be insert the implant.”

Joe nodded and the doctor handed him some more informative pamphlets on the insert. He quickly gathered his things and made a follow up appointment with the front desk. Wanting to get back home o his husband and daughter.

-

Joe and John sat on the living room, surrounding Olivia with blankets and pillows from the couch. She has gotten better at sitting up by herself but will still topple over if she loses her balance for a second. 

Joe is still upset over the first time she toppled back and her head hit the ground. He held her in his arms all day feeling terrible, even though she stopped crying 30 seconds after she fell. 

“Look you at you go,” John cheered. “Such a strong little girl.”

Olivia reached her hands out for John to grab her, sending her to topple forward. She landed on a throw pillow and Joe nearly had a heart attack.

“Is she okay,” Joe asked, trying his hardest not to rush to pick up the 6 month old who was trying her hard to crawl over the pillow. “John, I should pick her up. She’s struggling.”

“She’s learning,” John said rolling his eyes while clearing a path for Olivia.

Joe tried to relax his shoulders a bit and let his daughter be. She was drooling and laughing at the funny faces John was making. He may not doubt himself as a parent that much anymore but he still feels silly for worrying so much.

Olivia made her way over to John, who had her stuffed elephant. John picked her up and gave her a snuggle, even though she kept grabbing his ear and tugging it harshly. Joe shot up to quickly grab the camera, he and John have made it a point to record nearly every moment.

And Joe really wants this moment recorded.

-

“Joe,” John sighed what seemed like the 100th time. “She’s six months old and not a food critic.”

Joe could barely hear the words coming from his husbands mouth over the sound of the food processor. He spent the entire morning researching different baby food recipes and about an hour prepping it. 

“I want her to like it,” Joe explained.

“Lovely, she eats her own feet. She doesn’t care how things taste.” John replied, doing his best to keep their hungry baby at bay.

Five minutes later Joe sat down with a bowl of homemade baby food, he kitchen in complete disarray behind them. John gave him a quick peck on the lips and wiped some of the food that land on Joe’s forehead.

“You feed her and I’ll record,” John smiled. 

Joe grinned from ear to ear. He’s been overly to give his daughter her first food ever since the doctor gave them the OK. Joe made silly airplanes noises, trying to get her interested in the food.

“Open up for dada, Olivia. Say ahhh,” Joe said in his high pitched dad voice.

Olivia ended up eating nearly the entire bowl, her face stained orange from the steamed carrots. He playfully fed some to his husband who admitted that it tasted pretty good for mushed vegetables.

Joe ate a spoonful. He gagged and nearly spat it out, he rushed over the trash bin to spit out the carrots. He ended up throwing up his entire breakfast and cursing himself for drinking all the coffee this morning as it did not taste good coming back up.

“That taste absolutely terrible, John. You let me feed to my daughter,” Joe said wiping his face clean and grabbing a glass of water. 

John rolled his eyes and turned to Olivia. “Chef’s are always their own worst critic,” John said grabbing Olivia out of her height chair. 

Over the next few days, Joe made it his mission to prep all of his daughters food. He tried new combinations and received plenty of compliments from his husband and his daughter. Though Joe did stray away from adding carrots, the memory of throwing up in the bin is still a little too fresh in his mind and carrots still make him want to throw up.

Olivia seemed to babble more and more everyday. She says something very close to dada and Joe keeps reminding himself that she isn’t actually saying dada. Though he can’t wait for the day she does actually say dada, Joe can cry thinking about it. 

-

Two weeks later Joe found himself back in the examine room, this time with his husband. They told Joe he can drive himself home but bring someone in case he feels light headed or dizzy. They dropped Olivia off at Ben and Gwil’s, not needing a baby to distract the doctor.

After waiting for nearly 30 minutes, the doctor finally walked in.

“Alright Joe,” he said sounding cheery. “How you feeling today?”

“Good just want to get this over with,” Joe admitted, squeezing John’s hand. He knows the procedure won’t hurt nearly at all but Joe still isn’t looking forward to the bit of pain he might feel.

The doctor gave Joe a raised eyebrow. “I assume the front desk didn’t phone you,” the doctor started. “We can’t do the procedure today cos you are in fact pregnant.”

The room fell silent except for the sharp intake of breath that John took in.

“Pregnant?” the couple said asked in unison. 

“We’d have to do an ultrasound to confirm but according to your blood work you are roughly 6 maybe 7 weeks along,” the doctor confirmed. “We can do that today.”

Joe nodded yes and the room was shifted around a bit for the doctor to give him an ultrasound. Joe changed into a gown quickly. He’s not quite sure how he feels, definitely overwhelmed and scared out of his mind. He did the maths and figured he got pregnant on their holiday, not sure how since they used condoms every time. Joe looked up at his husband as the doctor moved the instrument inside him to get a better view of the baby.

John’s face was hard to read but the older man gave Joe a smile and a kiss that was maybe too intimate for a doctors office visit. “You okay,” John asked, his tone incredibly calm for the bomb that was dropped on them minutes earlier.

“Yeah, yeah. Just overwhelmed,” Joe said stroking the side of John’s face. “That doesn’t make me a bad person does it?”

John shook his head. “Not at all lovely,” John said kissing his forehead.

The doctor went on to explain that Joe is six and a half weeks, due date is around November 15th. Nothing the doctor said was really registering in Joe’s head other than the fact that he is pregnant and his six month old daughter is waiting at his best mates waiting to be picked up. Joe is grateful that John seemed more attentive.

It wasn’t until they were alone in the car with the ultrasound photos that Joe let his emotions out with a choked sob. John leaned over and pulled the younger man into his arms. Joe cried. He cried cos he’s tired and hormonal. He cried cos they were just getting their lives back. He cried cos he can barely keep up with his keep his eyes open these days. He wasn’t sure if he wanted a second baby and now he has one. Having an abortion never crossed his mind. While he’s overwhelmed and scared and far from prepared, Joe is already in love with this baby. 

Joe stopped crying but stayed in John’s arms.

“Joe,” John said stroking his hair. “I know we haven’t really talked about having a second baby and that having one this early was never the plan. I don’t know how you’re feeling or if you need a few days to think about everything, but I’ll support you no matter what you want to do.”

Joe pulled away from the hug. “I love you,” Joe said softly. “I didn’t mean for this happen to soon or even at all. But with all the negative things pushed aside, I’m kinda happy. I love Olivia and it would be nice for her to have a friend. It’s gonna be hard and I’ll probably spend the next seven years crying but I’m kinda already in love with this baby.”

John reached over, wiping the tears off of Joe’s face. “I’m kinda already in love with this baby too,” John grinned. “I’m still freaking out, though.”

Joe took John’s hand and placed it over his stomach, still pudgy from his first pregnancy. “Oh me too,” Joe said, his voice hoarse from crying. “But we got this.”

-

John offered to go inside to get Olivia, Joe was still a mess of tears and snot. They weren’t quite ready to tell them yet since they are still dealing with their own mix of feelings.

Back at the house, Joe laid on the couch snuggling with Olivia while John put the kettle on. Joe sat with his own thoughts, thinking about how Olivia will only be 15 months when the new baby is born. He’ll have two babies under two, his career will have to be put on hold again. Their lives will be put on hold again. Joe getting his body back is being put on hold, though Joe promised himself to workout more this pregnancy.

Then as John sat on the couch next to them he thought about in nearly seven months another baby will be joining them for snuggles on the couches. Joe thought about how good John looks holding a newborn in the his arms. He thought about how raising a family with John is the one thing he always wanted even though this second baby is a surprise and Joe is scared out of his mind. 

Joe looked over at his husband who was pretending Olivia’s feet smell, a little game that makes the girl laugh extra loud.

“Things are gonna be okay,” Joe said, letting his against John’s shoulder. 

“They always are,” John responded.

Joe’s not quite sure if even of them believe each other or even themselves, but it’s a start.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a Chapter!

Hello all you beautiful and kind people who have stuck me with since I posted the first chapter in December!

I know I said this was gonna have around 20 chapters but the last chapter is the last chapter for this part. I'm very sorry to end it unexpectedly, but I will be posting a second part. There are a few reasons why I'm holding off on the rest of the story. It's been six months and my brain is fried for this story. It's taking me too long to update and when I do, I'm not very proud of the chapters. I adore this story and ship with my whole heart but I feel like I'm doing a poor job lately. I had pages from my notebook of an outline for the next seven chapters and I accidentally threw them away this weekend, along with some of my course. And I'm not jumping into a Chicago dumpster to find them, I have more dignity than that. So I'm just a little upset and frustrated and need a break from Deazzello. I'm gonna start drafting a **_second outline_** for the second part of this. It'll have around 10 chapters and I can't wait to start working on it after taking a break from Deazzello. I'm going to miss this story.

Thank you all for reading and leaving such wonderful comments. It means the world to me, especially since I know Deazzello is not everyone's cup of tea. 

Please stay safe. 


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